Couch 210: The Abundant Couch

Doesn't that mean it's for home use? Isn't commercial for businesses, like cafes?

Hi Couchies, stuff got sorted at work that I was stressed about: namely, the sick leave and how we were going to administer that. There's still a lot of stuff up in the air, changes because of the new year, changes due to people's status (exempt/non-exempt) stuff like that. I'm sitting with that discomfort at the moment. I pretty much am in this freaked out paranoid state though. My arms are a mess. I've SH-ed a lot since yesterday and today. I'm not even done though. That's the bad thing. Sometimes I get in these sort of spaces in my head and in my body where I just get self destructive and I don't know yet how to stop it. I just have to let it play out. I have to go to the store after work and get more gauze and bandages. I'm dreading tell T (both of them) that I SH-ed. A lot. But I still can't seem to calm the panic that is inside me. It's like something in my head is screaming and won't shut up! At least I found out the controller wasn't upset with me for going above her to the owner to get the sick leave thing resolved. I don't like having to do that, but it was necessary to do that. But she said she was never upset with me. My perception was that she was upset with me. She seemed upset with me (though it's hard to tell on email sometimes). I don't handle people being upset with me very well. I'm in this massive state of unwellness at the moment. Trying to breathe but it isn't working. I wonder if I should take some anti-anxiety medication......HUGS all, Kit

Session back with T went okay. Told him I was feeling ambivalent about coming today because I didn't want to tell him I was feeling SUI yesterday but didn't reach out to anyone. He asked me if I thought of calling him, and I told him yes but I was trying to respect his time off by not calling and didn't want to feel like a burden. I also told him that only seeing him today doesn't feel like enough help. I wish he would have offered to see me tomorrow morning, but I assume he's booked.

Sorry but what are these “couch” threads meant to be about? Just anything random?

Pretty much. Sometimes it's related to psychotherapy or some other issue depression, anxiety, etc. Sometimes it's just checking in and saying hi. Sometimes there's a thread about x,y,z and a lot of people answer and get involved, and other times, your post might just get thanked or hugged and no responses. It just varies. Just talk about whatever is on your mind. Grab a cushion and make yourself comfy! HUGS Kit

Hugs, Kit. I think the anti-anxiety medication might be a good idea...

Dr. T went fairly well today. Ended up telling him some of the stuff related to his ring that I mentioned on here, but not all of it. Was going to share one part, then realized I had 5 minutes left, and T said better to talk about it on Monday. So, along with some other topics, I mostly ended up sharing about the "narrative" (a term he'd used in the past related to his son) that I'd come up with regarding the ring, plus some alternative narratives related to why he may have been acting differently during the summer (he also said he didn't think he was acting differently in general, but that we spent much of the time dealing with conflicts and with his vacations). He seemed intrigued by the narratives, that I'd come up with something fairly elaborate. I said how it's not just him I've done that with.

He said it seems like a way I have of dealing with ambiguity. But in life, it's inevitable. He said, for example, "You'll never know what I actually think about you." (Which of course made me wonder!) He said that I also could never truly know what anyone thinks about me, how they could tell me, but I wouldn't know if they were telling the truth. That he can't know what I truly think of him, that I could tell him, but it might not be true or all of it, and it could chance 3 minutes later. So we talked a bit about how to deal with ambiguity--he also included not knowing when I'm going to die, if I'll get sick, if at any point when I'm driving, someone will crash into me. (Which, great, thanks for putting all that in my head right now, Dr. T!) But he said how all we can really do is learn to live with not knowing and try to focus on the present instead.

Might share more later, have to pick up D soon.

Yep he thought an average of 16 cups a days was excessive i guess.

I read that we have lost an estimated 480 billion animals in the fires since September and we have lost several species for ever most likely

i dont know if this includes livestock as well.

HUGS BCM. I live in CA which is another wildfire prone place. They are so devastating. HUGS Kit

That's so awful...

I read about that...it's devastating.

Looks like I'll be doing a women's DV group for 16 weeks starting next Thursday evening. One more thing added to my plate, but I'm hoping it's helpful. The lady I met with today for the intake runs the one I'll be attending.

I don't think I drink 16 cups of any liquid a day. If I drank 16 cups of coffee I think I would explode from the caffeine coursing through my body.

Edited for all of the freudians and others with unnatural fascination with human waste
Hem

I made a typo its 480 million not billion but still..

Or at least spring a leak!

I hope it helps, SheHulk.

freudians. smh

Geez, i dont even know when im doing it!