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Old 01-14-2020, 10:18 AM   #481
LonesomeTonight
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Default Re: Couch 210: The Abundant Couch

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Originally Posted by chihirochild View Post
Oh, last thing: for the grammar experts out there (LT? @@?) what the ever-loving heck is the difference btwn “toward” and “towards?”

ETA: The ever-fantastic EM says that per Grammarly, there isn’t a difference: Toward or Towards | Grammarly

I responded in the other post (before looking at EM's link!) that I mostly edit in American English but sometimes have to edit in British English (for online courses at University of Liverpool). And had the same answer, that "toward" is generally American English (didn't know the Canadian part), and "towards" is generally British English. Same with backward vs. backwards.
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Old 01-14-2020, 10:21 AM   #482
unaluna
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Thats what i was gonna say.
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Old 01-14-2020, 10:55 AM   #483
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Nope not gonna be fixed anytime soon.

"What do you want?"

I want you to say that you're sorry, but not only say it because I'm asking you to, but understand why I'm upset.

But I was on a break.

You could go away for 6 months just make sure you have suitable alternatives for your clients.

"I'm sorry and I'll try to be less unpredictable. "

"That's what you said last time".
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Last edited by Lemoncake; 01-14-2020 at 11:20 AM..
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Old 01-14-2020, 11:27 AM   #484
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Going to watch Cheer on Netflix.

(About the Navarro program.)
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Old 01-14-2020, 12:07 PM   #485
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Default Re: Couch 210: The Abundant Couch

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Nope not gonna be fixed anytime soon.
"What do you want?"
But, you know, you're in therapy to fix you, not to change him. "What do you want?" is a complete essay question for you to address. The question is not, "what do you want me (T) to do differently next time?" T is just your foil. It is never a fair fight within your family, but it can be, with t.
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Old 01-14-2020, 12:09 PM   #486
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Default Re: Couch 210: The Abundant Couch

Lemon, this sounds like he really can't see what you're getting at, even though it's abundantly obvious to anybody who is even halfway paying attention to your therapy. My T has been obtuse about something similar that's at the heart of our ongoing rupture, and it's been really helpful to talk to my other T about it. Other T validates how I feel and seems to agree that my T is messing up about certain things. That has helped me validate my own point of view, even though my T still stubbornly refusing to see where she is wrong and maybe never will. It also makes it easier to get what I can from my regular T and forgive her occasional annoyingness.
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Old 01-14-2020, 12:13 PM   #487
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Default Re: Couch 210: The Abundant Couch

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The question is not, "what do you want me (T) to do differently next time?" T is just your foil. It is never a fair fight within your family, but it can be, with t.
For me, it was just the opposite. My family was fine. The therapist just messed with me. So for me, family=fine therapist=unfair fight due to insufficient knowledge and her deliberately trying to keep info from me.
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Old 01-14-2020, 12:16 PM   #488
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@Lemoncake I'm sorry, that just sounds frustrating! It seems like T should be able to understand why you are upset. And should be able to help you work through those feelings! HUGS Kit
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Old 01-14-2020, 12:18 PM   #489
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Default Re: Couch 210: The Abundant Couch

Lemon it sounds maybe like he's just not able to empathise with your point of view. And that's really tough to experience. I saw a T who didn't always reply to emails and never seemed to understand how this felt and what it symbolised for me. He sounds very matter in fact in saying 'What do you want?' rather than getting to what is driving your feelings and really listening to how this is for you. It doesn't mean he will necessarily change and start replying to emails or being consistent about contact during breaks but the way I see it, maybe he needs to show more empathy and validate your experience of this situation. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know with my ex T, it felt like banging my head against a wall all the time, then when I tried to address it (in long letters) she would get defensive. Ugh.
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Old 01-14-2020, 12:20 PM   #490
LonesomeTonight
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Lemon, I agree with the other comments. I'm sorry your T responded that way. I was just saying to Dr. T yesterday how for me, if there's a conflict (with him or anyone), it's like I want to know they understand why I'm upset. Even if they might not change anything they said or did, I need them to get why it bothered me. It sounds like your T isn't doing this.
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