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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 08:48 AM
  #721
@WarmFuzzySocks, how is that little grandbaby doing??
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 11:45 AM
  #722
I turned up today.

He was sorry yada yada and he could see why the stuff he said was hurtful. That he shouldn't have been short with me and tried to push me.

Showed me a book about therapeutic ruptures he was reading and other stuff he was going to read to be a better T for me.

I also made fun of his hair and told him he was a now a back up T and not my main one.

He also speaks French which I didn't know when I told him I was learning it. (6 days so far = duolingo and youtube )

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Last edited by Lemoncake; Jan 21, 2020 at 01:43 PM..
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 01:32 PM
  #723
Hi Everyone, meeting with Pastor T was weird yesterday. I had told him that I was feeling nothing--devoid of emotions--at the time of the appointment. I think because I had been having so many intense emotions that I was totally drained of having emotions. He seemed to tread very lightly. He kept asking me if I wanted to stop for the night, etc. I know he has a fear of "pushing me over the edge" but it was like, I had barely gotten there, so I sort of felt unwanted. He gave me several positive comments at the end of our time together regarding the strengths that I have that I cannot see yet. He asked me if I felt up to setting some goals for next week, or if I just needed to get through this week. I went ahead and set three goals--hopefully manageable ones. He told me that I need to rely more on other people. I keep too much in my head. I don't reach out enough. It's hard for me to do that. I try but I can't. I don't think I really got across to him how it is when I am in a very heightened emotional state and I want to SH.
Possible trigger:
. He told me that self-destructive wasn't an emotion. (I'm supposed to be working on making an emotions list.) I said yes it is, I can say, I feel self destructive. He says he thinks that is anxiety. I'm not so sure. It's like an all consuming, how to keep myself still standing sort of emotion. He asked me if I had SH-ed. I told him that I hadn't. I had thought about it a lot and sui. He asked me to work on the visualization and to call people, not just text them, when I'm feeling bad. I still don't really get what I'm supposed to say. I mean, it seems like a lot to put on someone--like to say, I'm feeling like cutting. What is someone supposed to say to that? IDK. I told him that for a time when I was at home over the weekend, I put a blanket over my head and I was just trying to block out all the sensory stuff going on and he said that he didn't think that was healthy. Of course, he thinks reaching out to someone else is healthier at that moment. I know it sounds weird, but it's sort of comforting to do that. I'm sad today. And I feel self-destructive. He would say it's anxiety. But this doesn't seem like anxiety to me. HUGS to all who want them, Kit

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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 01:40 PM
  #724
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Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
Hi Everyone, meeting with Pastor T was weird yesterday. I had told him that I was feeling nothing--devoid of emotions--at the time of the appointment. I think because I had been having so many intense emotions that I was totally drained of having emotions. He seemed to tread very lightly. He kept asking me if I wanted to stop for the night, etc. I know he has a fear of "pushing me over the edge" but it was like, I had barely gotten there, so I sort of felt unwanted. He gave me several positive comments at the end of our time together regarding the strengths that I have that I cannot see yet. He asked me if I felt up to setting some goals for next week, or if I just needed to get through this week. I went ahead and set three goals--hopefully manageable ones. He told me that I need to rely more on other people. I keep too much in my head. I don't reach out enough. It's hard for me to do that. I try but I can't. I don't think I really got across to him how it is when I am in a very heightened emotional state and I want to SH.
Possible trigger:
. He told me that self-destructive wasn't an emotion. (I'm supposed to be working on making an emotions list.) I said yes it is, I can say, I feel self destructive. He says he thinks that is anxiety. I'm not so sure. It's like an all consuming, how to keep myself still standing sort of emotion. He asked me if I had SH-ed. I told him that I hadn't. I had thought about it a lot and sui. He asked me to work on the visualization and to call people, not just text them, when I'm feeling bad. I still don't really get what I'm supposed to say. I mean, it seems like a lot to put on someone--like to say, I'm feeling like cutting. What is someone supposed to say to that? IDK. I told him that for a time when I was at home over the weekend, I put a blanket over my head and I was just trying to block out all the sensory stuff going on and he said that he didn't think that was healthy. Of course, he thinks reaching out to someone else is healthier at that moment. I know it sounds weird, but it's sort of comforting to do that. I'm sad today. And I feel self-destructive. He would say it's anxiety. But this doesn't seem like anxiety to me. HUGS to all who want them, Kit
The blanket thing makes perfect sense and I do the same thing and i don't see how it is unhealthy if it helps soothe and calm you down when you're feeling overwhelmed. If it works for babies what's wrong with it?

You are reaching out and doing enough already. Texting/calling someone is okay if your feeling up to texting/calling. I just think you can't run before you can stand and pushing you before you're ready is what isn't helpful.

Do you have a safety/crisis plan?

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Last edited by Lemoncake; Jan 21, 2020 at 02:12 PM..
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 01:51 PM
  #725
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The blanket thing makes perfect sense and I do the same thing and i don't see how it is unhealthy if it helps soothe and calm you down when you're feeling overwhelmed. If it works for babies what's wrong with it?

You are reaching out and doing enough already. Texting/calling someone is okay if your feeling up to texting/calling. I just think you can't run before you can stand and pushing you before you're read is what isn't helpful.

Do you have a safety/crisis plan?
Hi @Lemoncake. Yes my safety/crisis plan is to call/text three friends to let them know I'm struggling and ask for their help and encouragement for a few days. To call T and let her know that I'm struggling (although I only have to call her if I'm actively suicidal). If the suicidal stuff last longer than 3 days I'm supposed to go to the hospital. HUGS Kit

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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 01:52 PM
  #726
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Originally Posted by Lemoncake View Post
I turned up today.

He was sorry yada yada and he could see why the stuff he said was hurtful. That he shouldn't have been short with me and tried to push me.

Showed me a book about therapeutic ruptures he was reading and other stuff he was going to read to be a better T for me.

I also made fun of his hair and told him he was a now a back up T and not my main one.

He also speaks French which I didn't know when I told him I was learning it. (6 days so far = duolingo and youtube )

Sounds like a good session. Out of curiosity, what's the book? I got one about therapeutic ruptures, curious if the same one (someone on here recommended it).
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 01:54 PM
  #727
A band I loved when I was a kid are doing their first UK tour in 10 years. Tickets go on sale on friday at 9.30am and hopefully I'll be done with exams.

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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 01:57 PM
  #728
Hugs, Kit...I'm glad you were able to be so open with your T. I disagree with him about self-destructiveness--I'd consider it an emotion (and have felt it myself). Maybe self-loathing would be a better term to him? And I don't see how blocking out outside stimuli is bad. Sometimes I'll retreat to the shower, where, if I close my eyes, I just hear the rushing water and feel it against my skin, but everything else is blocked out. Or I lie down in the dark with headphones on, so all I really hear is the music. It's really meditative in a way, like thinking of Savasana (sp?) in yoga, where you're just lying on your back for like 10 minutes. The place I go to, they give you heated eye pillows to put over your eyes to block things out more. And I've done the blanket thing, too.
Possible trigger:
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 01:58 PM
  #729
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A band I loved when I was a kid are doing their first UK tour in 10 years. Tickets go on sale on friday at 9.30am and hopefully I'll be done with exams.

Well, now I'm wondering who you're talking about
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 02:08 PM
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Sounds like a good session. Out of curiosity, what's the book? I got one about therapeutic ruptures, curious if the same one (someone on here recommended it).
I think it might be this : The Therapeutic Alliance, but I didn't really pay too much attention to it. It had a blue cover if that helps. I'll ask the next time I see him.

The one SE recommended was Resolving Impasses In Therapeutic Relationships
by Sue Nathanson Elkind. I have that in my amazon wishlist but seeing as it's £41.99 it's most likely going to stay there.

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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 02:09 PM
  #731
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Well, now I'm wondering who you're talking about
My chemical Romance.



My Chemical Romance | 2020 UK Tour | Dates | Tickets | Ticketmaster UK

Ah teenage angst.

YouTube

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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 02:09 PM
  #732
Just got back from Dr. T. We spent most of the time talking about stuff with D. This time, I'm certain he wiped away a tear a couple times, like I saw the tear before the wipe. They came when I was talking about how I wonder if D realizes she's different than the other kids. Wanting to fit in but not knowing how. And I wondered how to deal with that, how to talk to her about it. He had some good suggestions on how to frame it, the sorts of questions I could ask to get a sense of what she's feeling without coming out and asking it. He seemed very empathetic to my sadness around the topic. Stuff with D is one of the areas where I feel most connected to him, like he really "gets" it and feels for me. And I feel it's a very important topic for me right now to be...uh..."gotten" ...on? (Yes, I have an English degree!)


I also learned that he doesn't keep client's names in his phone (HIPAA in part, also because he doesn't want a zillion contacts), but that he recognizes my number and knows it's me if a text shows up. Which felt sorta nice, as he said many clients he has to look up (it came up because he was sharing a contact with me--a child psychiatrist--and he had to ask me his number, saying my email was in his phone if he searched, but not my number). He does apparently use my full name in his calendar though.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 02:14 PM
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Ah, OK, not too familiar with them. They're sort of emo, right? I do like a few emo bands.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 02:22 PM
  #734
Since I'm still hunting for emotions for my writing project, I thought about self-destructiveness. I don't think it's an emotion either--it's a state caused by emotions like hatred or fear or anger.

Still four more emotions to go (minimum). I'm gonna get Info to do my homework for me tomorrow.

And the whole thing is getting annoying because the upshot is we write about one of the emotions/moments, and I already know which one that will be, so...
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 02:23 PM
  #735
Suggestions for a good gateway song or two, Lemon?
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 02:25 PM
  #736
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I think it might be this : The Therapeutic Alliance, but I didn't really pay too much attention to it. It had a blue cover if that helps. I'll ask the next time I see him.

The one SE recommended was Resolving Impasses In Therapeutic Relationships
by Sue Nathanson Elkind. I have that in my amazon wishlist but seeing as it's £41.99 it's most likely going to stay there.

Yes, the latter is the one I have. See if there's a used version available maybe? I think that's how I got mine.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 02:41 PM
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Suggestions for a good gateway song or two, Lemon?
Come away with me Norah Jones.

YouTube

Somewhere only we know Keane.

YouTube

Daughter run.

YouTube


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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 02:44 PM
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Yes, the latter is the one I have. See if there's a used version available maybe? I think that's how I got mine.
I did have a look before. The cheapest used is around £13.75+ 2.99 for delivery.

It might be on archives.org

I've tried to cut back on my spending. The last non school text book I bought was in 2017- Instrumental by James Rhodes.

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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 02:47 PM
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Since I'm still hunting for emotions for my writing project, I thought about self-destructiveness. I don't think it's an emotion either--it's a state caused by emotions like hatred or fear or anger.

Still four more emotions to go (minimum). I'm gonna get Info to do my homework for me tomorrow.

Frustration= sorted!

So one down.

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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 02:50 PM
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Ah, OK, not too familiar with them. They're sort of emo, right? I do like a few emo bands.
Yep. I like all sorts now. Played Halsey's 3am for R. "it's got to be digital because when it's physical I end up alone".

It was them and Linkin park that defined me through ages 14-16.

I listened to the song you talked about previously by the national. That was really good.

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