Couch 210: The Abundant Couch

One of the owners isn't doing well. I'm actually not sure if it is her or a family member. She and I were Skyping the other day and I asked her something and she ended up telling me that she had to take her Mom to an operation and to Chemo. I felt really sad for her. I was able to empathize because my Dad had cancer back in 2010. Luckily he beat it. Then today I Skyped her and she sent me a message maybe 30 minutes later saying that she was sorry but she had a minor medical emergency and would be at work tomorrow. I feel so bad for her. I wish there was something I could do for her ... trigger for Christianity but since she is in NY and I am in CA it's hard. It's not like I can give her a hug and some coffee and try to be there for her. I feel like I am literally dripping sadness for her. Regular T says its because I'm an empath, whatever that means. I just feel helpless to do anything for her. So I'm trying to not bug her this week about stuff unless it is something only she can take care of.

Perhaps take one at a time like SK said.

At the moment I'm only studying 4 hours a day, which will slowly increase closer to exam day.

And I mainly use the pomodoro method. I get overwhelmed a lot too, but taking breaks and doing it in small chunks helps.

Sometimes there are no words.

I think just checking up on her and offering to help is still what matters.

I bought someone chocolate before when they were really going through something. That could always be posted.

Thank you @@ and Kit. They are online courses. History is now overwhelming me too. I thought there would be quizzes and tests...nope. All writing. There are some benefits to this class compared to the child development one: I have the full week to do my work, I think I understand what is required of me, and my dad and H can help me. But we aren't graded on accuracy/facts per se. We're graded on how well our papers are written.

Did you ever ask her like, whats with the clothes? If my t wore something besides black tshirt and jeans, he knew he had some 'SPLAININ' to do, Lucy! Like he was going dancing that night or teaching a class. Maybe she runs a disco fever support group?

Personally, I really look forward to the Info fashion update. Regular T dresses very blah and conservative. Long shirts and sweaters, baggy, and pants. Lots of black or burgundy, usually black shoes, and some massive quantities of cardigans either on her, on her chair, or around her. The thing I find interesting about Regular T is that she wears black flowers in her hair quite often which I like. It's almost like there is some sort of inner goth in her 70-ish body that is expressing themselves. Pastor T usually wears jeans and a button up shirt. Pretty much what he wears at Church too. I find nothing interesting about the way he dresses. In fact, I look at him rarely during our sessions. He seems to be looking at me so intently that it sort of stresses me out. So I sit on the couch that is opposite the wall and at like a 90 degree angle from him.

Just got back from session with H and D's T, P (whew, that was a lot of initials!) Think it went pretty well--she got us like 15 minutes late (grumble) but then kept us for over an hour, to the point that we said we needed to get going because we have to pick up D from aftercare soon, then all head out to meet my parents for dinner (not a stressful day at all for me, nope!) We tried to give a sense of what it can be like with D at home and what could be really challenging and frustrating about some of her behaviors. P had some really concrete suggestions for us and seemed more empathetic than she had before. So, now we just have to try putting them into action. D will likely protest some of them (more rules, more her doing things herself instead of me or sometimes H doing them for her, etc.), but I think we just need to push past that, thinking it will ultimately lead to a better place for all of us. So, we'll see...

I also enjoy the Info fashion updates. The latest outfit seemed a bit over the top, with the faux fox stole. I suppose I could resume giving Dr. T sock updates, though I did mention his zebra shirt from yesterday. P was dressed pretty boringly, just a beige cardigan over I think a black shirt, some dark gray dress pants, and rather sensible-looking sorta dress shoes (like with a chunky heel). She was wearing an interesting necklace--perhaps I should have commented. Nothing like ex-T, who would often talk about how much she loved Nordstrom and dressed like she did. Still wearing regular heels at 70.

My T hardly ever varies his outfit--suit with the jacket off, sometimes with a elbow-patched cardigan over his dress shirt if it's cold. Black shoes. Professional socks. The most exciting thing he ever did was wear a fleece vest instead of the elbow-patch cardigan.

He looks so much like a shrink.

And it occurs to me that P is more like practical support with D, while Dr. T gives me more emotional support about it. Also, it struck me earlier that perhaps the reason I reacted like I did to Dr. T wiping away tears when I was talking about some of the stuff with D is that the only time I've ever seen H cry about something with D was the day we brought her home from the hospital, over 8 years ago. I have no idea if he ever cries on his own about her (he's not a crier in general--just when our guinea pigs were really sick or dying and when his close friend passed away suddenly). But like I sobbed the two times we got her autism diagnosis--one in the initial testing when she was like 3, but then her developmental pediatrician seemed uncertain when we told her, thinking could just be developmental delay, that we'd know better when she was 5. Then at her checkup with her at 4 and a half, she said she was pretty sure she's on the spectrum. I sat there sobbing while the doctor kept talking and H just sat there. I finally had to ask if the doctor could possibly hand me the tissues that were sitting on a high shelf near her. But anyway just wondering if that's part of why it affected me more with Dr. T. Because I keep thinking about it (we were also in the same office suite today to see P, right next door to Dr. T, so that contributed).

Thanks @Lemoncake I ended up sending her a Skype message where I sent her some words of encouragement, letting her know that she is not alone, that people care about her, that I care about her, and I told her that I'm sorry she is going through these struggles right now. It was a bit risky, as I do not know her religious preference, but I included a scripture verse that I find comforting and I told her that I hoped it didn't offend her but that my intent was to give her hope and peace. She Skyped back Thank you Kit (except she used my real name) so I think she took it well and in the way it was intended. I'll just try to send her bits of encouragement now and again and hopefully her struggles will lessen and cease. Sometimes it is helpful just knowing that someone cares and that you aren't alone in the situation is helpful. Not that I fully know what she is going through, she has just shared a little bit here and there with me, but enough that I know she isn't doing great. I told her she is strong, and smart, and kind. And that even though it doesn't always help in the moment, but sometimes I like to remember that all struggles come to an end and there is a new day. HUGS Kit

Haaaa mine is the same, chihiro! Always a suit, but with the jacket on.

On Monday he was wearing a waistcoat under the jacket, I guess because it was cold. I felt like asking him if he was attending a wedding later in the day. I think he just likes dressing that way though - to feel like a shrink, as you say.

He once showed me a photo of him from his vacation, and I was fascinated that he was wearing a blue t-shirt. I had to ask in order to confirm that it was him.

Info tried pulling the “you wanted to be a good little girl” card on me today when we discussed emotional childhood moments.

As far as I can tell that is therapist for “you want to be the center of attention.”

Why would someone need to explain their clothes to anyone else? I wouldn't. I really am against the idea that women have to explain how they look to anyone else. This is one of the few things I really mean - that I am completely serious about. Women's bodies are not for others to judge - not their shape, or hair, or fashion. Women do not have to please others in how they dress or look.
This topic gets me all hepped up. Let your freak flags fly Older Women. I am not flamboyant but don't dress in a conventional female manner. I have been the object of mockery - which I can withstand and handle, but I honestly do not understand what possible difference it makes to anyone else how I or others dress.
(and I will even throw the freudian a bone - my mother always hated the way I dressed once I was old enough to not have to look the way she wanted me to look)

It is not the fashion report on Info I take issue with -but more the bigger idea of women needing to please others and pander to their sensibilities.

So much crap is coinciding with these trigger dates that I have no idea how to make 'best use' of my session tomorrow.

The gastric element is trying my patience. I feel like I need to cry, but I don't want to.

Did it piss you off? That sort of pronouncement by a therapist always pissed me off. It was also almost always the wrong interpretation.

It made little sense in context (in the relevant episode I had knocked another little girl’s front teeth loose), plus I was already regretting telling her stuff from my childhood.

Today she forgot things during session, instead of her usual between-session forgetting.

Agreed.

My impression is that Info is just someone who really enjoys clothes and it probably makes her feel good to wear these things. I have a few dresses, shoes etc. that are a little off-beat but it makes me happy to wear them. If I had more money to spend on wardrobe I'd probably have lots of weird clothes and wear them all the time.

It is a challenge to see how knocking another kid's teeth out (good job) is an attempt at being a good little girl.
I once whacked a kid in the head with construction materials while pretending to build a house - he had to get quite a few stitches in hid head.

Mr. Peanut died, may he roast in peace.