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Salmon77
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#41
My T has gotten choked up a couple times and when I asked quickly explained that there was something going on in his life. One time we talked about it (a death in the family) for a few minutes, because it was similar to a situation I had experienced. But other times he just let me know it wasn't about me, he was okay, and we should get back to whatever I'd been saying.
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Blueberry21, SlumberKitty
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nottrustin
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#42
When T mentioned that she has cried a few times in my sessions (she held it in but I could tell by the way her voice changed) I really wish I had asked her whY types of things caused her to cry and why. Did she cry because somebody hurt me, because she felt bad that I felt the need to hold back my own emotions, or because I touched on something that triggered an experience in her life, it even because of her maternal transference (which we never once discussed).
When Emdr T appeared to cry last week, was it because I was crying or because you put yourself in my shoes of losing a parent like I am? __________________ |
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LonesomeTonight
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#43
Quote:
It's good he was able to share that with you. There was one time when ex-T seemed really sad and more teary-eyed when I was talking to her. I commented on her seeming sad, and she said, "It's been a sad week." Much later, in regards to ex-MC's wife passing away, she was saying he may end up needing to take more time off later. She said that when her sister passed away a couple years earlier, that she'd come back to work too soon and realized her brain felt like soup. I then wondered if the week she was sad was when her sister had died... |
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LonesomeTonight
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#44
So today, Dr. T very clearly wiped away a couple tears. Like, I didn't just see the wiping motion, I saw the tears. He saw that I saw. I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. It touched me. It was when I was talking about my daughter (D), who is on the autism spectrum, how I wondered if she realized at this point that she's different from other kids, and how would I talk to her about it? I was a little emotional but not like sobbing or anything. It seems that stuff about my D is a trigger for him, whether he relates as a father in general, or if his son is in fact on the spectrum.
I sort of wish I could feel comfortable saying, "So, it seemed like you were tearing up there." But I don't know what to say really. And I worry a bit that he'd just deny it, be like, "Oh something was in my eye" or "allergies" (in the dead of winter) or something. So I think it's best if I just let it go unspoken. It's weird, because it both made me feel connected and understood, but also maybe scared me a little. Perhaps because he wasn't fully in control of his emotions? (Then again, feeling connected to people scares me at times, so...) I mean, I know I said how I think I'd seen him wipe a tear before, but this felt a little different, seeing the tear, like I wasn't just imagining it. So just thought I'd share. |
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Amyjay
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#45
T teared up once when we were discussing a trauma, and it seemed like she wanted us to see her tears about it. Not super obviously, but something about her in that moment made us think she wanted us to see that it was indeed a sad thing that we were talking about and emotion was appropriate. (We tend to be very disconnected from emotion about anything, generally speaking).
Seeing T 's tears triggered a young alter to come out whose job it is to make sure other people are "okay". She sang to T "If you worry your face will frown, and that will bring everybody down, so don't worry... be happy." T's tears disappeared immediately and she as never teared up in session again, not matter what we talk about. How embarrassing to sing in session! |
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Blueberry21
finally might be emerging from depression.
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#46
Quote:
In case it makes you feel better - I was in a hypomanic state when I first started working with T, and we listened to/sang most of the wicked soundtrack (me singing, not him). I would relate the songs to various themes from my life. Looking back now, I have found it embarrassing at times... but I try not to be embarrassed. These people have seen and heard everything. It's their job. I'll bet your singing was sweet. |
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Always in This Twilight
LonesomeTonight
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#47
Hope it's OK to continue on this thread. So I saw a backup T, A, while my regular T was away last week. She wiped away a few tears while I was talking, even grabbing a tissue at one point to wipe her eye.
I saw my regular T ("Dr. T") today. When we were talking about stuff regarding my D in the first part of session, I saw him wipe away another tear. When we got to the topic of backup T, I mentioned her tearing up, joking how maybe I should get bonus points because I made a T cry the first time I saw her. Dr. T said that apparently some things I said touched her. Then I said, rather offhandedly, "I think I've seen you wipe away a few tears before, too, which is OK. Though I may have been mistaken." Dr. T said, "Well, I feel bad when your fantasy football team loses." Which, obviously he was joking, but he also didn't deny it like I thought he would. I kind of expected him to say, "I must have had something in my eye" or "My eyes have been bothering me lately" or something. I forget what I said to that, maybe, "I appreciate the empathy" or something, but then I moved on to another topic. There is part of me that wants to discuss it more, but I'm not sure if it could just make things awkward. Maybe I should just let it go and accept his comment as sort of acknowledging it (because he didn't deny it), but not wanting to talk about it? And maybe taking his saying that what I said I must have touched backup T suggests that things I've said to him have touched him as well? I originally was going to include this whole explanation of why he might identify with what I deal with regarding my daughter--she's on the autism spectrum, and I have reason to believe, from what my ex-T said and other stuff, that Dr. T's son may be on the spectrum as well, or at least have some other sort of learning or developmental challenge. But it was really rambling. I think it just has meaning to me if it affects him, but I also understand why he may not want to talk about why he's affected by some of what I share. Because it could also just be that he's reacting as a fellow parent, fearing something could be going on with your child. Anyway...part of why I'm uncertain about asking more about the tears is that I don't want to seem I'm questioning him more about that. I more just want to be like, "The tears are OK, it's touching to me that you're affected, and you don't need to either hide or explain them." But I don't know if even saying that would be weird? |
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Omers
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#48
My T got tearful today towards the end of session and flew to the bathroom as soon as I reached the door. He even said he was going to have to process what happened at the end of session. He held me a really long time before I left and he ran to the men’s room. I don’t know what it was about what I shared that hit so deep. I feel bad having doorknobbed him but I didn’t think it was a big deal. So tonight I am feeling confused. I’m still uncomfortable about my realization this past week about his level of care for me. So, anyway, this time I am just confused.
__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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LonesomeTonight
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LolaCabanna
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#49
Does hanging a T actually matter ? Does it help ?
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Omers
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#50
I only worked with one T I didn’t hug and I hated her! It helps me feel connected and safe before leaving a session. But I’m a hugger anyway.
__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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coolibrarian
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#51
Do you mean your T felt maternal toward you, or felt that she was mothered by you?
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Mountaindewed
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#52
She’s never cried but one time she looked like she was about to and she said “I just really feel for you”
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#53
The first person ever to cry for what was done to me was my very first trauma therapist. I owe her a debt I can never repay. Her tears were the first realization I had that what was done to me was worthy of someone's tears.
Her exact words to me were: "I know you can't find your own tears right now, but as we work slowly and carefully with all these little girls you carry inside, they will come." That was 30 years ago. In the intervening time, I integrated and found my tears. I felt almost human in that moment. |
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