Has your therapist ever cried in session? If so, how did it feel?

My therapist and I are emerging from a rough patch during which I nearly quit (not out of spite but because he was insisting on something that I didn’t feel I could do).

Today we were talking about how that felt for both of us when my therapist suddenly stopped talking and caught his breath. He tried to say something but couldn’t, and paused a moment with tears in his eyes. He looked at me and said, “I’m sorry.” I told him not to apologize. He tried to continue but couldn’t manage it, and looked at the ceiling and apologized again. I was quiet, calm. He took a sip from his thermos, took off his glasses, wiped his eyes. “The problem is that when I cry my eyes start to burn,” he said. “It’s physiologic,” I said, doing what I could to lighten the mood, wanting to give him a chance to regain his composure. He started to laugh and said, “is it?” I nodded and said, “yup. Doctor.”

He asked me what I was feeling but I asked him to continue the thought that he had been in the middle of expressing. He eventually got back to wanting to know how that had felt for me. I told him that I felt a desire to reassure him, that I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed or over-exposed. What I didn’t tell him is that it felt really good to feel like our relationship was important enough to him that it could cause him to become overwhelmed in front of me, however briefly.

Has anything like this ever happened to anyone else? How did it feel? What did you do?

I think therapists are humans with feelings, too. I would have hugged my therapist!

I think if I tried to hug my therapist he’d call security on me. (Only sort of kidding...)

Once.

My sister's death was impending (within hours) and I was distraught. He teared up -- not full-on crying like I was doing. He told me my pain brought up memories for him of losing his cousin (like a brother to him) some twenty years back in a plane crash. His tears didn't particularly bother me; it just confirmed that he, too, bears his own pain. I knew in that moment that he understood my anguish in a very personal way.

Not that I ever noticed. I doubt they would have cried. I never cried and really my reason for hiring them was not all that emotional. There really was nothing that was particularly upsetting. I probably would have felt like they needed to get a grip if they had ever cried or that they were usurping my time with their emotional needs. I would not have considered it a positive thing. I expect them to be human on their own time if they really are feeling some need to so - not mine

None of my therapists have ever cried in session. I think I would have found it disconcerting. The only session I cried in was my last session with former T who I saw for 10 years.

There were a few times when telling T about some of the painful parts of my past when I was pretty sure she was fighting tears. She looked away and so did I. I didnt want to embarrass her or ask incase I was wrong. I hate crying and it was something we spent a lot of time working on. Near the end of our working together she asked if I thought she had ever cried when hearing some of my pain. I told her I thought she had and she confirmed it. It was nice that she cared and had that much empathy...but I also felt sad that I upset her. She explained she tries hard not to or hid it because her first year in practice she once had visual tears when a client told her story. The client never went back because she felt she had to protect T ecen though it was not the case.

Once with Emdr T I was crying (I still hate it) when telling her something I had never told another person. She also started to hold back tears bit a couple fell. Again I looked away. It felt okay for me to cry. She seems so strong and composed so for her to gave me permission.

That feels like a really powerful moment.

Last year, it became clear that my father was dying of Alzheimer's. Because of the after effects of stuff that had happened recently in my life, it did not feel possible to travel the 2000 miles to visit or to be around family or to just deal with seeing him dying. He was very quickly losing his cognitive functions and not really knowing who people were anymore. When I was a little girl, he used to sing me a Robert Louis Stevenson poem that he made up a tune to when he was tucking me in at night. It's a really sweet memory for me and I know that he remembered doing this. I had seen a documentary about how music was one way to still connect with someone suffering from Alzheimer's so I decided to record a short message telling him that I loved him, recalling some fond memories and sing this childhood song to him. My hope was that it would still reach some part of him and maybe alleviate some of the guilt that I was feeling about not going to see him. My therapist and I had been working on this pre-death grief period together and I asked if he would listen to the recording I had made. We listened to it and afterwards he said to me "I know you don't look at me, but I want you to know that I'm tearing up right now." In that moment, I felt that we really connected over a recording of me singing a child's song to my dying father. That meant a lot to me. He died the next week.

My T has gotten tears eyed hearing some of my history and then in typical T fashion got concerned about how his emotion impacted my comfort. He has also gotten up and had to “shake off” when he found things particularly disturbing. I know he is very sensitive and empathetic and that works for me. I know many would be put off by it but it helps me see things from a different perspective. He has also shared things with me about himself (relivent to my work) that have brought tears to my eyes. We are human together and I appreciate that.

That does seem like a really touching moment, Chihiro, especially as I don't get the sense that your T seems to be the emotional type.

With Dr. T, I'm pretty sure I've seen him wipe away tears a few times in the past 6-9 months or so. Like, wipe one eye, then the other, not like he just had a random itch in his eye. I've never mentioned it, and it's possible I could have been mistaken. I know at least a couple of the times I was talking about struggles with my D, so perhaps it affected him as a father? (possibly of a fellow child on the autism spectrum.) It touched me, because he doesn't seem the crying type. (Though it's also part of what made me wonder if something was going on in his personal life because he hadn't reacted that way in like the first year or more and, as he's said, he's "not the warm and fuzzy type.")

Ex-T visibly teared up a few times when I was telling her about some struggles I was having. She never did that until maybe 4 years into the therapeutic relationship. In one way, I was touched that I affected her that much. But in another, it made me a little reluctant to talk about certain things . Which probably isn't so good. Actually, her tearing up when I was asking something about ex-MC's cancellation and his wife was what both made me realize one time that she was the person in his house needing 24-hour care and, months later, that she had passed away. Incidentally, I don't think ex-MC ever teared up.

My T has never cried (in the nearly 10 years I have been seeing her) even though I would categorize her as the "warm and fuzzy" type.

I wouldn't know what to do if she did. Also, I almost never cry (I've cried once in the past 15 years).

Mine never has and probably never will. I tease her about her poker face. I wish she was easy to read, but no...her poker face.

I don't look at my T enough to really know, but I'm pretty sure he's never cried or teared up during any of our sessions. I think it would be nice if he showed some emotion, but not full blown crying like I've done.

She cries frequently. I don't know why she is crying a lot of the time. I don't like it and there are times that it has felt unsafe, that things are uncontained. Sometimes I think she is feeling the things which I can't feel and I feel robotic by comparison. Sometimes I think she is modelling what human emotion can look like, but that is obviously falling a bit flat because I don't understand what is happening.Sometimes I think she is a maniac who can't control her leaks.

... And as self-piteous as I can be, I know that my life isn't so heartbreakingly sad to warrant all her tears.

My ex-t use to cry allot more at the end and it bothered me because I did not seem upset or anything. I have had others t shed a few tears and it made me feel like they understood my pain or what i was going through. The t have now has not yet cried or tear up yet however she seems to be way more intouch with emotions and thats nice.

I just had a thought, for those of us who never cry (in my case because I feel it is a sign of weakness for just me) would T showing such emotions without trying to hide them be beneficial? With EMDR T she seems to have it all together and strong. I sometimes feel weak when I feel like my life is falling apart or depression hits. I wonder if she showed some emotion it would model that crying really is okay. Btw I am not talking about outright sobbing or anything.

For me, no - I did not look to the therapist to model anything. The whole idea that they model stuff is ludicrous to me. I never would think something was okay or not okay because a therapist did or did not do it.

I can respect that you feel that way, not that you care what I think

I’m wondering if I should have given him space to feel what he was feeling rather than trying to rescue him from it.