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Help Jan 04, 2020 at 03:07 AM
  #1
im probably going to quit therapy this coming week and id like to hear from you about your experiences with your "final session".

what of it made you think it was a GOOD final session?

i know there are no formulas or a standard nice last session, but hearing from your experinces maybe i can come up with a good idea for my own final session.

i have prepared a letter both to thank and explain my reasons to quit.
they already know i love them so it wont be a surprise but i'll say it anyway…

and i was thinking about asking for a hug. it has already happened in the past with one of them a couple times so i know he's open to that. the other… probably...

what else could i do to thank them and really show i appreciated them?

small gifts… i dont think theres anything appropriate…

any particular word?
any particular topic?
any special way to make them feel special and appreciated?

im going to end a 13yrs therapy relationship and a 4yrs therapy relationship too.

nothing really happened, i just think its just time for me to quit therapy altogether. but i want it to be special. if i'll feel like crying i'll let myself….

what else?

PLEASE, HELP, THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME... PLEASE HELP...

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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 09:11 AM
  #2
How about you list some of the ways that they have helped you and some of the growth you have experienced through your work? How about a card or even letter stating these?

I was sent T a thank you card that said:

Thank you for always being kind, comparing and compassionate.
Thank you for showing me it is okay to cry.
Thank you for always having a safe office for me to explore and discuss my pain..

Having worked together for 10 years it was a pretty long list. She said it was very touching and meant a lot to her.

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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 11:07 AM
  #3
Thank you, i'll try to add more precise things in my letter. it will of course make it better!

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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 03:02 PM
  #4
With my final session with former T I cried all the way through it. She was sick, that's why we were sending. But mostly I just tried to tell her everything she meant to me and how much she had helped me and thank her. It was a phone session so I didn't get a hug but if we had been in person I would have asked for one. Hugs Kit

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Default Jan 04, 2020 at 04:45 PM
  #5
my final session was a 'celebration session'. both T and i brought some drinks and food to share. we (including my husband who had been quite involved in my therapy) sat on the floor next to each other sharing our food and drinks while sharing conversations of many of the memories of the six years together and of the future possibilities for me. as a gift, i gave him a hard cover copy of a book that was significant to both of us and some of the work we did together and wrote a small personal message inside of it to him. he gave me and hubby a bottle of wine and some chocolates. there were tears and hugs between everyone upon leaving, but overall, it was good and felt like the perfect way to transition from such a significant period in my life to the next stage of my journey.

all the best to you as you do similarly
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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 10:12 AM
  #6
Thank you SlumberKitty for sharing such a moving memory, im sorry you had to face that. technically im still in time to change my mind but im not sure. but if it will be our final session, im sure i'll ask for a hug.

Thank you Koru_kiwi for sharing, we dont have that kind of relationship so i doubt anything like that may happen but im glad you had your perfect celebrating session.

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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 10:24 AM
  #7
Um, per your other post about your dad being crabby about your visiting back home on weekends, i would say this is not the best time to say goodbye to your ts.

I agree, they are not your friends, but they are not your dad either - i think they might want to be supportive thru this phase of your life. They are not personally affected by it as your father might feel he is, and that can be an advantage. They might have some ideas.
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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 10:31 AM
  #8
I saw an agency T for 3 years and our final session was a double one (arranged by her as I didn't pay for therapy there) so that we could take the time to say goodbye properly. We covered much of what people here have mentioned - what I got out of therapy, my achievements since I started seeing her, etc. I had written something similar to a story to symbolise my therapy journey and show her how much it meant. She had also written something for me to keep.

It was a good ending for me because I said all I needed to say and knew T cared deeply for me and would remember me always. We never kept in touch as she didn't agree with it, but I carry her influence with me always.

I did still grieve however....and I grieved for about a year until the pain felt bearable to live with. Despite this it was the kind of grief where I was feeling the love more than the loss.
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Default Jan 05, 2020 at 11:09 AM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
Um, per your other post about your dad being crabby about your visiting back home on weekends, i would say this is not the best time to say goodbye to your ts.

I agree, they are not your friends, but they are not your dad either - i think they might want to be supportive thru this phase of your life. They are not personally affected by it as your father might feel he is, and that can be an advantage. They might have some ideas.
I'm not a therapy fan but I think this is something worth considering. There's an idea in a therapy book I read that said it's often helpful, important even -- though also very painful -- to separate from our parents. In this case, your parents have forced it -- but maybe the T's could be supportive and help you re-build a new life? It might mean a new kind of relationship with one or more of the T's but seems like that could be interesting, too? So not a FINAL session, exactly, but a moving on to something different?
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Default Jan 08, 2020 at 01:37 PM
  #10
Thank you for caring and making me think.

i went in today and i still hadnt decided what to do. when she asked me if i had decided, i started crying. then i pulled myself together and explained the best i could what was (is) going on in my mind.

we talked about what happened and she liked me saying i think the issue is fixable but maybe im taking it as an excuse to do what i really want to do… quit. i think its best for everyone.

i have brought in a few writings. she said she will read them.

i asked whether or not she'd allow further contact and she said yes and she also said she needed to read the writings and we should consider ourselves as taking a break instead of ending therapy. which means we didnt book next appt but we can take time, think and then decide whether it is a real end or not. and let each other know...

this made me feel good….

Tomorrow i see the other T and im planning on saying about the same stuff… we'll see what he will say… maybe i'll ask him if we can do quite the same thing i did with T today. i think it would make me feel good.

and then we'll see how it goes without therapy. i've been in therapy on and off since 2007, so this is major change.

im afraid i'll feel lonely and needing contact but i want to keep my word. maybe no contact is too much, but i dont want to go back either….

we ended the session with a hug

thank you for your sharing and your support. you have been very helpful to me. Thank you all!

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Last edited by sinking; Jan 08, 2020 at 01:49 PM..
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Default Jan 08, 2020 at 01:54 PM
  #11
Oh! Yeah, i was with my last t since 2007 also, and i quit about a year or 2 ago. It was just TIME. I didnt realize that was the case with you here also. I was kind of STARTLED for a while, like dazed and confused?, but then i started to enjoy the fruits of my labors. I think you will too!
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Default Jan 08, 2020 at 05:42 PM
  #12
It sounds like your therapist does not yet know that your next session will be the last? Or am I misunderstanding this? If he doesn't know, my suggestion would be to contact him and give him a little warning about this. Being taken off guard is not always pleasant. It's one thing if you disliked the therapist, but you indicate that you definitely like him.

I think your ideas and some of others' are very nice. If your therapist was a female, a nice bouquet of flowers would be a suggestion. Or maybe your male therapist even likes flowers? I know of stories where patients have given therapists or psychiatrists pieces of their artwork or a poem, or the like.
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Default Jan 09, 2020 at 01:51 PM
  #13
Thanks Birdancer, my T knew i was thinking about quitting, i had warned him so he knew.

Today went well. i got in and started crying at the first two sentences that came out of my mouth. i knew then, that i was ready to go and follow through.

we did talk about what happened and why and he said maybe i should take more time and think about it and he insisted in fixing next appt in 2 weeks. i told him right away that i was not going to come but he just wanted to fix the appt.

we hugged at the end and it was a nice warm hug.

i think it was a nice final session. im 99,9% sure im not going back…

maybe some occasional contact through texts, short calls or email, but not going back. i want this to be the last session with him. too nice to ruin it with another one….

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Default Jan 09, 2020 at 03:00 PM
  #14
In this very moment i feel satisfied, proud and serene about these endings.

i know there will be moments where i'll be mad at me for this and will die to contact them, but for now, FOR NOW, its ok.

and it kind of feels like freedom to not have anybody to talk about my week or other... and to not have anything to tell anyone anyway.

of course at times i think…. "this i must tell to T" and then realize i wont be able to/wont have to...

lonely but free… as always in my life… LONELY BUT FREE…

and as always i ask myself if this is real freedom… freedom and people, they dont match together in my life...

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Default Jan 13, 2020 at 10:04 AM
  #15
oops posted to the wrong thread.

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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 11:29 AM
  #16
After each final session i sent a last goodbye and reasons why email to both of my Ts.

Ft has answered after 2 days, saying she respects my decision but to not bother contacing her again in any case. It hurt. She felt so detached, upset, cold, mad, hurt, disappointed... im sorry about that. I had even asked if she wanted one more session to clarify her doubts but she didnt even mention that. Thats the real end, and im upset from her reaction but i understand. But this wont change my mind and make me beg to go back... im just really hurt and disappointed. I had hoped for a better last contact.

Mt instead has tried to have me go back. I said i wouldnt unless he needed to tell me something in person but he hasnt answered yet. Not sure he will. I had asked him too if the end means no more contacts and i hope he'll at least reply to that.

Im very sad for both endings.

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