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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 19
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#21
Yeah I have absolutely everything. Pictures of her drugs in her bedroom, pictures of me in her bedroom and every text and email she’s ever sent. They are pretty damning, she couldn’t wriggle her way out of it. I just can’t bring myself to report her, I adore her and I would never want to get her in trouble. I worry about what she’d do if she got investigated, I don’t think she’d cope. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to her because I reported her.
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Blueberry21, chihirochild, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: PNW
Posts: 1,394
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#22
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It sounds like she has some pretty serious issues, and you're not responsible for any of that. I'm sorry you're having this awful experience. |
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ktcharmed, missbella, Quietmind 2, Whalen84
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Member
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 47
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#23
What do you mean she can't diagnose you? What Kind of therapist is she? What's her licence?
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Fuzzybear
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*Beth*
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#24
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Fuzzybear
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unaluna
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Member Since Aug 2019
Location: The World
Posts: 278
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#25
Most private therapists in the UK are not psychologists or psychiatrists so do not have medical power to make a diagnosis. They will usually have a degree or masters in counselling or psychotherapy but this does not give them the ability to diagnose, that has to be done by a registered psychologist or psychiatrist.
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Fuzzybear
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ktcharmed, Quietmind 2
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 816
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#26
I think what she did to you is unethical for any therapist regardless of her license type or where she practices. Your feelings are completely normal and point out exactly *why* there are are therapeutic boundaries. When they are violated the client gets hurt. Also she gaslighted you and blamed you for things that are clearly her responsibility and problem. From your description, you are the healthier one in the relationship. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. How are you feeling about it now? I know you say that you don't want to do therapy again, which is completely understandable. I do hope you have someone you trust that you can talk to about this. You need to have someone to remind you that this was not your fault.
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Fuzzybear, ktcharmed, Quietmind 2
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 19
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#27
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Quietmind 2
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,014
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#28
Glad you left that particularly harmful situation. What she was doing in no way resembles therapy.
I am curious. If you believe she does not think she did anything wrong, how could there be any guarantee that she would not do the exact same, reprehensible, things to another client? If someone has no awareness of their patterns, it would be more likely for them to continue doing what they usually do. |
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Quietmind 2
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 19
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#29
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SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2
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Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: in der Welt
Posts: 273
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#30
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If everything you have stated here is accurate, you MUST REPORT THIS THERAPIST IMMEDIATELY. It sounds like shes the one who is BPD. Shes been using you to meet her own needs, which is not therapy. As a result, just the fact of charging you money for therapy is illegal, because she hasnt been doing any. It sounds like shes an intern; at the very least you need to speak with her supervisor about her behavior. She is very dangerous to let loose on people struggling with mental illness. I'm sorry youre struggling. Sometimes it can take many false starts before you find a T who is mentally healthy themselves and a good match. Unfortunately if you are bpd you will get along best (initially) with other BPD's...causing a fake mismatch with a therapist. Unfortunately you cant tell until its too late. |
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Blueberry21
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Legendary Wise Elder
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Location: Tennessee
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#31
You say your the only one she has done this with .... but I honestly think others have suffered the same.
She’s a deeply troubled and dangerous person, I can’t call her a therapist, because a good ethical caring T would never do this to a client. Personally I would report her. You have things she has given you, personal things. I say help stop her so another client doesn’t go through hell and suffer like you are. __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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Quietmind 2
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 19
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#32
I’ve just had this email through from my old therapist. It’s knocked me a little bit, I didn’t expect to hear from her. I haven’t contacted her since we spoke about my way forward a week ago. I don’t get why she’s telling me about her home life? I’m really thinking about reporting her but I feel like I’m just doing it out of anger and hurt. What does everyone think? I’m really upset by this. I haven’t changed anything other than blanked out names for confidentiality. Just want to know everyone’s opinion? Is this the kind of email a therapist would send to a client? Why is she reiterating that she’s terminated me? I got it pretty clearly the first time...
Hey (my name), I have had a rough few weeks but we are working on things relentlessly, and I'm hopeful our family can evolve from this moment and its trauma. (Husband) has broken down and destroyed everything he loves, in the grief of how broken it all is, but this desperate behaviour is something I can forgive and not take personally (if I can survive the experience of it). (Husband) is bereft of his behaviour and is a broken man trying to surface from this torment (and its negative effects upon him as a person, especially towards the people he loves the most).I have to have strong boundaries with my husband, friends, son, even (daughter); because I know how much I am personally struggling as a human being, and what it can cause in me. it is really wonderful to read how far you have come in such a short amount of time, especially as you are building from scratch! it all sounds really positive and very autonomous, which will gift you practice of navigating the ownership of your life and body's wellbeing. I am so delighted for you and hope you continue to be immensely proud of yourself; particularly because you have surmounted a difficult ending with me too. I truly am empty at this time and have no belief in my ability to stay safe in your transition, so I feel it best (and actually necessary for your evolution and emancipation of the transference and difficulties you had with me) that you continue this journey in separation of me. that isn't to say that I never want to hear from you again, nor that this will be the lasting boundary, its just what I feel is the right thing by you right now (and also my body too). I still believe an ending process could be needed, but will hold that space for this process open for you to choose or not, at any time you feel appropriate. I really hope your physical wound is getting the protection and care response it deserves, and you are healing; even more profoundly I wish this for your core soul wounds. keep up your amazing work, I believe in you. with love (therapist) xx |
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Out There, sinking
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Quietmind 2
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,787
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#33
So entirely inappropriate. Can you set your email to block her emails or even send them directly to a junk mail folder (I never look in my junk mail)?
Another option is to send a very formal letter via snail mail - certified so you get a receipt - saying that all communication with you via any means should cease and desist. Nothing else, just the legal request. Down the road if you do decide to report her lack of ethics to her licensing board (she really does need to NOT be practicing), this documentation will be helpful, so hang onto it. |
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ktcharmed, Out There
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 19
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#34
Quote:
I’ve decided to have a closure session with her on Friday. I’m going to tell her everything she’s done that’s wrong. Depending on how she reacts I’ll then either report her or just let her go, but I definitely will tell her I want no further contact after that session. I want to hear her try and explain herself, whether she believes that what she did was right. If she gets defensive and says she was right then I have no option but to report her so that this never happens again. |
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Out There
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Quietmind 2
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 509
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#35
You probably know the answer yourself to the question you asked if this a regular mail a therapist sends to their client.
No it is not. One thing she is right about is that you are better off without her. You might not want to report her right now and it is ok to do what feels best for you BUT I suggest you save all the e-mails and other stuff. You might be in a different place one day and feel like you really need to report her. |
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ArtleyWilkins, ElectricManatee, ktcharmed, nottrustin, Out There, Quietmind 2
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,093
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#36
I understand the need for closure, however if you're determined to go back for a final session just be prepared that this may stir up all kinds of feelings in both of you and be prepared for all possible outcomes. It puts you in a vulnerable position especially as you're hoping for a particular kind of dialogue that she may not be able to give.
Another option is to simply email her, lay out how you feel and ask her if she feels what she did was acceptable as a therapist. It would be a safer and more boundaried way of dealing with it, but I understand that may not feel right for you and she may not respond either way. No it's not an email a T would send a client normally - she's going into a her personal problems, which are not yours to deal with and not what you pay a therapist for. I'm sorry you had this experience. |
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ktcharmed, Out There, Quietmind 2
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: England
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#37
What an awful situation for you , this woman has major issues and should not be practising as a therapist. You may not get the closure you'd like on this unfortunately , but the way you are coping and dealing with this is admirable.
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Blueberry21, ktcharmed, Quietmind 2
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 19
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#38
Thank you, that’s really nice of you to say. Much appreciated.
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Out There
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Quietmind 2
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: PNW
Posts: 1,394
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#39
That whole first paragraph is completely inappropriate. I think it would be okay for a therapist to say something like "I'm dealing with a difficult family situation," but not all this stuff about her husband etc. It's ridiculous for her to put her stuff on you like that.
I have been seeing the same T for several years, I'd say we are pretty close, I know a lot about his family etc. But he never unloads his emotional baggage on me. Good luck with the termination session. Hope you're not paying, it sounds like she'll get more out of it than you will. |
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Fuzzybear, ktcharmed, Quietmind 2
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 19
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#40
[QUOTE=Salmon77;6749158]That whole first paragraph is completely inappropriate. I think it would be okay for a therapist to say something like "I'm dealing with a difficult family situation," but not all this stuff about her husband etc. It's ridiculous for her to put her stuff on you like that.
I have been seeing the same T for several years, I'd say we are pretty close, I know a lot about his family etc. But he never unloads his emotional baggage on me. Good luck with the termination session. Hope you're not paying, it sounds like she'll get more out of it than you will. That’s actually quite held back compared to what she’s normally like. You’re absolutely right about not paying, I have no intention of paying her. I don’t intend on being there for very long. |
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Fuzzybear, SlumberKitty
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