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Default Jan 10, 2020 at 05:22 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by Salmon77 View Post
Do you still have the notes, texts, videos, pics of SH that she sent you? If so, they would definitely help support a complaint if you ultimately decide to make one. Which it sounds like you would be very, very justified in doing.
Yeah I have absolutely everything. Pictures of her drugs in her bedroom, pictures of me in her bedroom and every text and email she’s ever sent. They are pretty damning, she couldn’t wriggle her way out of it. I just can’t bring myself to report her, I adore her and I would never want to get her in trouble. I worry about what she’d do if she got investigated, I don’t think she’d cope. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to her because I reported her.
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Default Jan 10, 2020 at 05:29 PM
  #22
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Originally Posted by ktcharmed View Post
Yeah I have absolutely everything. Pictures of her drugs in her bedroom, pictures of me in her bedroom and every text and email she’s ever sent. They are pretty damning, she couldn’t wriggle her way out of it. I just can’t bring myself to report her, I adore her and I would never want to get her in trouble. I worry about what she’d do if she got investigated, I don’t think she’d cope. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to her because I reported her.
It's understandable that you feel so attached to her, and you don't have to do anything unless you want to. But I'd hang on to all that stuff just in case you feel differently in the future, once you get some distance from the situation.

It sounds like she has some pretty serious issues, and you're not responsible for any of that. I'm sorry you're having this awful experience.
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Default Jan 16, 2020 at 08:43 AM
  #23
What do you mean she can't diagnose you? What Kind of therapist is she? What's her licence?
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Default Jan 16, 2020 at 11:54 AM
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Default Jan 16, 2020 at 01:05 PM
  #25
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What do you mean she can't diagnose you? What Kind of therapist is she? What's her licence?
Most private therapists in the UK are not psychologists or psychiatrists so do not have medical power to make a diagnosis. They will usually have a degree or masters in counselling or psychotherapy but this does not give them the ability to diagnose, that has to be done by a registered psychologist or psychiatrist.
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Default Jan 19, 2020 at 09:21 AM
  #26
I think what she did to you is unethical for any therapist regardless of her license type or where she practices. Your feelings are completely normal and point out exactly *why* there are are therapeutic boundaries. When they are violated the client gets hurt. Also she gaslighted you and blamed you for things that are clearly her responsibility and problem. From your description, you are the healthier one in the relationship. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. How are you feeling about it now? I know you say that you don't want to do therapy again, which is completely understandable. I do hope you have someone you trust that you can talk to about this. You need to have someone to remind you that this was not your fault.
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Default Jan 20, 2020 at 03:10 PM
  #27
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I think what she did to you is unethical for any therapist regardless of her license type or where she practices. Your feelings are completely normal and point out exactly *why* there are are therapeutic boundaries. When they are violated the client gets hurt. Also she gaslighted you and blamed you for things that are clearly her responsibility and problem. From your description, you are the healthier one in the relationship. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. How are you feeling about it now? I know you say that you don't want to do therapy again, which is completely understandable. I do hope you have someone you trust that you can talk to about this. You need to have someone to remind you that this was not your fault.
I’ve actually been pretty ok considering what happened. I missed her a lot for the first couple of days but since then I’ve been fine. I haven’t spoken to anyone about it other than the Ask Kathleen service. They sent me a big list of their boundaries that they believe she’s broken but they can’t do anything to help me unless I formally complain. I decided not to do this as I don’t think she’d cope. I’m not sure she’d ever do this again with anyone considering how wrong this went. I hope she realises what she’s done to me and how much she’s hurt me, but I don’t know what she’s thinking. I would imagine she still thinks she’s in the right. All I know is my life feels better without her in it. I really appreciate you asking how I am so thanks for that.
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Default Jan 20, 2020 at 04:28 PM
  #28
Glad you left that particularly harmful situation. What she was doing in no way resembles therapy.

I am curious. If you believe she does not think she did anything wrong, how could there be any guarantee that she would not do the exact same, reprehensible, things to another client?

If someone has no awareness of their patterns, it would be more likely for them to continue doing what they usually do.
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Default Jan 20, 2020 at 04:36 PM
  #29
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Glad you left that particularly harmful situation. What she was doing in no way resembles therapy.

I am curious. If you believe she does not think she did anything wrong, how could there be any guarantee that she would not do the exact same, reprehensible, things to another client?

If someone has no awareness of their patterns, it would be more likely for them to continue doing what they usually do.
What has happened between us has had a big impact on her in her own life too, which is why I think she wouldn’t do it again. I suppose there isn’t ever a guarantee that she won’t do it again but I can’t let that be my problem. The best thing for me is to just leave it alone and let her get on with whatever she wants to. I’m not responsible for her bad decisions so I’m happy just to walk away and leave things as they are.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 02:22 AM
  #30
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Last January I was terminated by T1. This January I was terminated by T2. It makes me think what on earth is wrong with me that this keeps happening?

T1 I saw for a year and a half. She felt I wasn’t progressing and basically dropped me pretty quickly. I struggled a lot with this so found another therapist pretty quickly, T2. T2 thought that it was unfair that I was terminated and that T1 didn’t do enough to help me. She recommended I report T1 but I never did, I never felt the need.

Me and T2 have been having problems for a while and she always threatens to terminate me but then we resolve it and move on, only this time she said there’s no going back.

To start with she was really caring towards me and was quite maternal which having never had that, I latched onto (she knew all about my history). She bought me loads of stuff, made me food, hung out with me outside of sessions, watched films with me, came to my house and decorated my bedroom, held me while we napped together in her bed, told me we were friends, wrote down I love you on lots of stuff and gave them to me as transitional objects, laid with me on her bed while she read to me, videoed herself singing a lullaby to me and sent it to me, told me to text her no matter what time it was even if it was 2am, she sent her husband to pick me up from hospital after an operation, she let me borrow her car for a weekend, painted me a picture that she said represented me and her - it was of a mother rabbit holding a baby rabbit and it said “I love you to the moon and back” Love (therapist’s name) and the list goes on and on. It stirred up this crazy transference within me which I did tell her about but I don’t think she quite understood. Wouldn’t these actions have created transference in most people? Was I wrong for getting so attached? She seems to think so.

Then a few months ago something happened to her daughter (which she told me all the details of) and since then she was a changed person. She was a really bubbly, funny person and after what happened with her daughter, her humour went and she became serious and really sad all the time. She went from giving me everything I craved as a child to giving me nothing and I really struggled with it. Social Services got involved and now her parenting is being looked at, all of which she freely told me and sent me all of the Social Services reports by email.

Possible trigger:


She recently decided I have BPD (nobody has ever mentioned it and I haven’t been diagnosed with it, she isn’t qualified to diagnose). From reading the symptoms it’s possible I do have it but she said if I didn’t accept that I had it then she would terminate me, so I accepted what she was saying. Every little thing I try to talk to her about she says is because of my BPD.

She has supervision every month and she told me that she lies to her supervisor about my behaviour towards her, because her supervisor would tell her to terminate with me. And that she hides my behaviour from her family so they don’t judge me - but why is she telling her family my problems anyway? I just want to point out, I’ve never even raised my voice towards her. By “my behaviour” she means that I’m honest and tell her if something she does triggers me. I don’t think she tells her supervisor how she behaves though or what she’s done with me in the name of therapy. When she gets angry with me she shouts and swears at me, though not in a threatening way. She says she’s sick of me and annoyed with me etc.

So now she’s terminating with me because I “can’t keep her human” and “can’t keep her static”. Wouldn’t anyone struggle if they were suddenly given everything they’d ever wanted and then it was all suddenly taken away? I couldn’t talk to her about anything. As soon as I said something she didn’t like or disagreed with she’d threaten to terminate me. She said that she has every right to change how she acts towards me and I have to accept that because she’s human which makes me think yeah she’s in the right. She offered me a final session for closure but I declined as I feel I would find it too difficult to say goodbye.

It must be me in the wrong surely to get terminated twice in a year? Is this ethical behaviour from a therapist? I’m really struggling to cope. Does anyone have any tips or advice on how to get through this? I absolutely will not do therapy again, I couldn’t take this happening for a third time. Thanks for reading if you managed to get this far. Any help would be appreciated. I’m really questioning myself over this, it must be me that’s the problem? I’m absolutely devastated that things have turned out this way and I don’t know how to cope when I was so close to her. I’m going to miss her so much. She said we were friends but in her last email to me she said she could no longer be my friend because I can’t accept that she’s human. Has anyone had a similar situation to this before?

If everything you have stated here is accurate, you MUST REPORT THIS THERAPIST IMMEDIATELY. It sounds like shes the one who is BPD. Shes been using you to meet her own needs, which is not therapy. As a result, just the fact of charging you money for therapy is illegal, because she hasnt been doing any. It sounds like shes an intern; at the very least you need to speak with her supervisor about her behavior. She is very dangerous to let loose on people struggling with mental illness.


I'm sorry youre struggling. Sometimes it can take many false starts before you find a T who is mentally healthy themselves and a good match.


Unfortunately if you are bpd you will get along best (initially) with other BPD's...causing a fake mismatch with a therapist. Unfortunately you cant tell until its too late.
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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 04:35 AM
  #31
You say your the only one she has done this with .... but I honestly think others have suffered the same.

She’s a deeply troubled and dangerous person, I can’t call her a therapist, because a good ethical caring T would never do this to a client.

Personally I would report her. You have things she has given you, personal things. I say help stop her so another client doesn’t go through hell and suffer like you are.

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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 08:48 AM
  #32
I’ve just had this email through from my old therapist. It’s knocked me a little bit, I didn’t expect to hear from her. I haven’t contacted her since we spoke about my way forward a week ago. I don’t get why she’s telling me about her home life? I’m really thinking about reporting her but I feel like I’m just doing it out of anger and hurt. What does everyone think? I’m really upset by this. I haven’t changed anything other than blanked out names for confidentiality. Just want to know everyone’s opinion? Is this the kind of email a therapist would send to a client? Why is she reiterating that she’s terminated me? I got it pretty clearly the first time...

Hey (my name),

I have had a rough few weeks but we are working on things relentlessly, and I'm hopeful our family can evolve from this moment and its trauma. (Husband) has broken down and destroyed everything he loves, in the grief of how broken it all is, but this desperate behaviour is something I can forgive and not take personally (if I can survive the experience of it). (Husband) is bereft of his behaviour and is a broken man trying to surface from this torment (and its negative effects upon him as a person, especially towards the people he loves the most).I have to have strong boundaries with my husband, friends, son, even (daughter); because I know how much I am personally struggling as a human being, and what it can cause in me.

it is really wonderful to read how far you have come in such a short amount of time, especially as you are building from scratch! it all sounds really positive and very autonomous, which will gift you practice of navigating the ownership of your life and body's wellbeing. I am so delighted for you and hope you continue to be immensely proud of yourself; particularly because you have surmounted a difficult ending with me too.

I truly am empty at this time and have no belief in my ability to stay safe in your transition, so I feel it best (and actually necessary for your evolution and emancipation of the transference and difficulties you had with me) that you continue this journey in separation of me. that isn't to say that I never want to hear from you again, nor that this will be the lasting boundary, its just what I feel is the right thing by you right now (and also my body too). I still believe an ending process could be needed, but will hold that space for this process open for you to choose or not, at any time you feel appropriate.

I really hope your physical wound is getting the protection and care response it deserves, and you are healing; even more profoundly I wish this for your core soul wounds. keep up your amazing work, I believe in you.

with love (therapist) xx
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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 09:29 AM
  #33
So entirely inappropriate. Can you set your email to block her emails or even send them directly to a junk mail folder (I never look in my junk mail)?

Another option is to send a very formal letter via snail mail - certified so you get a receipt - saying that all communication with you via any means should cease and desist. Nothing else, just the legal request. Down the road if you do decide to report her lack of ethics to her licensing board (she really does need to NOT be practicing), this documentation will be helpful, so hang onto it.
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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 09:50 AM
  #34
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So entirely inappropriate. Can you set your email to block her emails or even send them directly to a junk mail folder (I never look in my junk mail)?

Another option is to send a very formal letter via snail mail - certified so you get a receipt - saying that all communication with you via any means should cease and desist. Nothing else, just the legal request. Down the road if you do decide to report her lack of ethics to her licensing board (she really does need to NOT be practicing), this documentation will be helpful, so hang onto it.

I’ve decided to have a closure session with her on Friday. I’m going to tell her everything she’s done that’s wrong. Depending on how she reacts I’ll then either report her or just let her go, but I definitely will tell her I want no further contact after that session. I want to hear her try and explain herself, whether she believes that what she did was right. If she gets defensive and says she was right then I have no option but to report her so that this never happens again.
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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 10:00 AM
  #35
You probably know the answer yourself to the question you asked if this a regular mail a therapist sends to their client.

No it is not.

One thing she is right about is that you are better off without her.

You might not want to report her right now and it is ok to do what feels best for you BUT I suggest you save all the e-mails and other stuff. You might be in a different place one day and feel like you really need to report her.
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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 10:56 AM
  #36
I understand the need for closure, however if you're determined to go back for a final session just be prepared that this may stir up all kinds of feelings in both of you and be prepared for all possible outcomes. It puts you in a vulnerable position especially as you're hoping for a particular kind of dialogue that she may not be able to give.

Another option is to simply email her, lay out how you feel and ask her if she feels what she did was acceptable as a therapist. It would be a safer and more boundaried way of dealing with it, but I understand that may not feel right for you and she may not respond either way.

No it's not an email a T would send a client normally - she's going into a her personal problems, which are not yours to deal with and not what you pay a therapist for. I'm sorry you had this experience.
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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 01:12 PM
  #37
What an awful situation for you , this woman has major issues and should not be practising as a therapist. You may not get the closure you'd like on this unfortunately , but the way you are coping and dealing with this is admirable.

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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 01:19 PM
  #38
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What an awful situation for you , this woman has major issues and should not be practising as a therapist. You may not get the closure you'd like on this unfortunately , but the way you are coping and dealing with this is admirable.
Thank you, that’s really nice of you to say. Much appreciated.
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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 02:45 PM
  #39
That whole first paragraph is completely inappropriate. I think it would be okay for a therapist to say something like "I'm dealing with a difficult family situation," but not all this stuff about her husband etc. It's ridiculous for her to put her stuff on you like that.

I have been seeing the same T for several years, I'd say we are pretty close, I know a lot about his family etc. But he never unloads his emotional baggage on me.

Good luck with the termination session. Hope you're not paying, it sounds like she'll get more out of it than you will.
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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 03:14 PM
  #40
[QUOTE=Salmon77;6749158]That whole first paragraph is completely inappropriate. I think it would be okay for a therapist to say something like "I'm dealing with a difficult family situation," but not all this stuff about her husband etc. It's ridiculous for her to put her stuff on you like that.

I have been seeing the same T for several years, I'd say we are pretty close, I know a lot about his family etc. But he never unloads his emotional baggage on me.

Good luck with the termination session. Hope you're not paying, it sounds like she'll get more out of it than you will.

That’s actually quite held back compared to what she’s normally like. You’re absolutely right about not paying, I have no intention of paying her. I don’t intend on being there for very long.
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