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Quietmind 2
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Default Jan 15, 2020 at 05:09 AM
  #21
She doesn't. I sometimes wish she would.
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Default Jan 15, 2020 at 05:47 AM
  #22
I’m not sure if this was a term of endearment, but he once called me “Stalin”. I was talking about how I have a very negative view of myself and whenever he tried to point out why my interpretation was flawed, I’d answer with “yeah, but...”. Eventually, he asked me to compare my badness to the badness or questionable historical figures, like Stalin. We didn’t get to finish that conversation that session, so we decided to pick it up again the following session. When I walked into that session, he said: “come on then, Stalin, have a seat.” Again, it’s not exactly a term of endearment, but it felt like one to me. I think it’s as close as we’ll ever get.
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Default Jan 15, 2020 at 11:37 AM
  #23
No, neither T or PrevT use any terms of endearment.
It’s ok with me. I think it would feel odd or awkward if either did.
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Default Jan 15, 2020 at 02:21 PM
  #24
Never. I don't think I'd like it.
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Default Jan 15, 2020 at 05:16 PM
  #25
God no. I'm surprised I haven't yet though. When my kids were small I called everyone 'darling'... the postman, the guy in the corner shop, I had no way of stopping myself. I'm surprised it didn't slip out. The slips are more fun anyway

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Default Jan 15, 2020 at 05:20 PM
  #26
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Originally Posted by Omers View Post
No he doesn’t and I am guessing would be very upset with himself if he did. He also always uses my full first name and never uses the shortened version that almost everyone uses with me. Even if I use the shortened form of my name consistently he always uses the full name... but then he also refers to himself as Dr. “short version of first name” and so I follow that formality and always use Dr before his name. This is the one odd place where my T at least seems to be more formal and strict. However I have never discussed it with him as it is not a concern.
Have you asked him to call you by your shortened name? The first couple of months with Emdr T called me by my full name. I never use that name and even sign all my paperwork by my nickname. Finally one day I asked her to call me by my nickname since nobody calls me by my full name. She said of course she would she just doesn't do it until people request it

I also work with a psychiatrist who is the same way. Since the clients call him Dr. Lastname he refers to everybody by Mt or Ms Lastname unless the request otherwise. In his mind if people are calling him by his title and last name they deserve the same respect

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Default Jan 16, 2020 at 06:16 AM
  #27
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Originally Posted by chihirochild View Post
Something that doesn't qualify as an endearment but still gave me pause--one time T and I were arguing about something or other, and he said, "you're a very smart woman." Something about that struck me as odd--maybe him calling me a woman, more than him calling me smart. (I mean, I am a woman, but something about him naming that was strange for me.)

Would that have weirded out anyone else?
I think I get where you’re coming from, chihiro... it’s like he’s highlighting the fact that you’re a woman, as opposed to him, a man.

Instead of just saying “you’re a very smart person.”

In what context was the comment made (if you don’t mind sharing)?
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Default Jan 16, 2020 at 08:32 AM
  #28
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Originally Posted by Blueberry21 View Post
I think I get where you’re coming from, chihiro... it’s like he’s highlighting the fact that you’re a woman, as opposed to him, a man.

Instead of just saying “you’re a very smart person.”

In what context was the comment made (if you don’t mind sharing)?
Yeah, I think you're right--I wouldn't have been as weirded out if he'd said, "you're a very smart person."

The context, if I remember it correctly: I think I was arguing that I was too sick to work (I'm a doctor), that my brain was too slow to take care of patients, and he was arguing that even when I'm not at my best I'm still very capable.
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Default Jan 16, 2020 at 10:06 PM
  #29
The nickname I call her is also a term of endearment.
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Default Jan 19, 2020 at 09:16 PM
  #30
She might have called me my dear. I don’t remember. I know she called me ma’am one time which annoyed me because I had just told her I don’t go by female pronouns. But besides that no.

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Default Jan 19, 2020 at 09:51 PM
  #31
no but he does this thing where he says my name a lot of times in a row in a kind of fake-exasperated paternal way, like “Oh Jane, Jane, Jane...”

he also sometimes says “what are we going to do with you?” and it turns me on when he does that
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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 09:30 PM
  #32
One of my former Ts did that. Sometimes it was fine, but other times it felt condescending. Like being talked down to as if I were a child.

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