Terms of endearment in therapy

Does your therapist use them while addressing you during emotional sessions? Or at any point?

In over 5 years, she has never used any terms of endearment towards me. I'd probably be creeped out if she ever did.

No neither the woman nor the second woman did. I probably would have responded badly had the first tried doing so and I would have burst out laughing had the second one tried it. The second one was fairly cold and aloof.

Yes, and I really like it. Ex-T used “hun” every once in awhile and T2 uses “sweetie” every once in awhile. It’s said automatically and sparingly enough that it feels very authentic. It feels like they have genuinely positive feelings for me.

My T has twice, one during a time when I was emotional and another when I was struggling with something going on in her life. Both meant a lot to me especially as she hadn't used them before.

T did every so often; not necessarily because of the session being emotional though. Sometimes she would say "dear" and other times "my lady " in a soft sweet voice.

No he doesn’t and I am guessing would be very upset with himself if he did. He also always uses my full first name and never uses the shortened version that almost everyone uses with me. Even if I use the shortened form of my name consistently he always uses the full name... but then he also refers to himself as Dr. “short version of first name” and so I follow that formality and always use Dr before his name. This is the one odd place where my T at least seems to be more formal and strict. However I have never discussed it with him as it is not a concern.

That's interesting that he uses the full version of your first name, even if you use the shortened version. I don't have a shortened version of my first name, and T always refers tome by my first name (will sometimes use my full (first and last) name if making a point).

He's even more formal with what I call him (and he calls himself) than your T, going by "Dr. [last name]." Early on, he went on a lengthy explanation in an email about that and sort of his "Dr. [last name]" persona vs. his "[shortened first name]" persona, and if clients call him by his "[shortened first name]" then he's more likely to be talking to them in a more relaxed way, or something (hence my referring to him as "Dr. T" on here at times). That all started when I was referring to ex-MC by his full first name (not nickname), and Dr. T kept calling him "Dr. [ex-MC's last name]" and I asked him about it. That led to him explaining about his *own* name. (And of course led to me coming up with a nickname to use for him with a few friends--which I can't share here because it's part of his last name. I did tell him about it once, and he seemed amused. Well, concerned at first that I used it on here, as it could make him identifiable, but I said that on here he's either "T" or "Dr. T.")

In response to the original question, ex-T and ex-MC never used any terms of endearment with me. Current, Dr. T never has, aside from one comment he made, where I said something about us being close in age (we're like 7 years apart), and he said, "I'm a lot older than you are, honey." I ended up emailing him about it, because it sort of bothered me--in part because it felt like he didn't know my age, even though I've mentioned it multiple times, but also because of the "honey". He apologized and said it looked different written out than the light, joking way he was thinking of it in his head. And that the age thing is his own issue, that he's close to 50, which seems much older than early 40s to him. No "honeys" since!

Mine has very occasionally called me “my dear.” I’ve taken it as a sort of paternalistic thing. He’s about 13-14 years older than me.

It’s made me really happy when he’s done this, even though I realize others might take it as a bit infantilizing or sexist.

I have a funny relationship to this: sometimes I wish that T would call me “honey” but I know that if he ever actually did, I’d be wildly uncomfortable. It would feel patronizing and either paternal or romantic, and the very thought of him experiencing any romantic feeling towards me grosses me the eff out. The things we want in fantasy aren’t always the things we want in real life—isn’t that odd?

(Also, if there are any grammar peeps out there: is it toward or towards??)

Toward and towards are prepositions. They have the same meaning and using either version is correct. They are not context or register specific so using either version in verbal and written language is also ok.

She called me "darling" once unconsciously and by mistake. As soon as she said it, she looked very sheepish. I secretly loved it, but would never tell her because I need to maintain my cold exterior at all costs. You tell a woman like her a thing like that and all hell breaks loose.

My T has called me "my dear" a few times but in a sort of jokey/dramatic way. Like, "You, my dear, would not be the first to tell me that."

I still kinda like it.

My dentist used to call me "kiddo," and I kinda like that too. (I am in my thirties, but he is at least old enough to be my father.)

Chihirochild, apparently you can't go wrong.

Not that I remember. Would have been a bit out of character for them. It probably wouldn't have bothered me much. I live in the South; terms of endearment are kind of the norm even amongst total strangers. They might have and it just flew right by me. LOL!

Oh, I understand about the fantasies that you wouldn't want to happen in reality (regarding a T or otherwise).

As a grammar peep who usually edits in American English but sometimes has to edit in British English (online courses for University of Liverpool), "toward" is generally the American version, while "towards" is typically British English. (I answered this before looking at EM's link!)

Something that doesn't qualify as an endearment but still gave me pause--one time T and I were arguing about something or other, and he said, "you're a very smart woman." Something about that struck me as odd--maybe him calling me a woman, more than him calling me smart. (I mean, I am a woman, but something about him naming that was strange for me.)

Would that have weirded out anyone else?

That might have been a little weird for me too, but at least he didn't call you a "smart girl." To me, that would have felt like he was treating you like a child.

Oh, I absolutely would not have tolerated being called a "smart girl." I'm thirty years old and I outrank him, degree-wise; I would have completely lost it if he'd done that

I don't think he would, though; he's a good feminist.

Yes, often. i love it when she does that.

I wish my T would, but she doesn’t.