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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,764
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#81
Dear T,
Sorry if that email was kinda harsh--was trying to keep it as brief as possible. I mean, I kept it at 3 sentences, 1 really short. Part of me was going to send a follow-up apologizing for the harshness, but I decided not to. I mean, it's not like I was cursing you out or something. Actually, hm, maybe this could end up being its own therapy topic for the following session...expressing my feelings then worrying it's too harsh. Love, LT |
Lemoncake, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,764
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#82
Dear T,
Do I share with you what I typed up about how I feel when I have those sorts of feelings? I tried to be as raw as possible so that maybe you'd get it. But maybe that would be too much? Or...what if, after I shared that, you still seemed rather dismissive of it? I suppose it's worth a try... Love, LT |
Blueberry21, Fuzzybear, Lemoncake, SlumberKitty
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 7,361
15 25 hugs
given |
#83
I'm really depressed, T. Glad I'm seeing you tomorrow, though I suspect most of the session will be focused on how awful I feel about only seeing you twice a month now.
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Blueberry21, Fuzzybear, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Quietmind 2
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,331
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
given |
#84
Grrrrrr. Stop judging me
__________________ |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,700
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#85
Nevermind other people have real problems.
__________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
Fuzzybear, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,700
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#86
Bet I scared you with all the crying.
If I'm being honest I already know that we can work it out. It's the panics really getting to me. I hadn't even realized that I hadn't eaten properly other than toast this morning. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
Blueberry21, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Quietmind 2
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,764
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#87
Dear T,
Glad I stayed in session despite my feelings of wanting to run out in the first few minutes when you just didn't seem to be getting what I was saying at all. I sort of wish I knew how you reacted to what I handed you to read--did it affect you emotionally at all? (I had trouble looking at you when you were reading it.) But then I feel if I asked you that, it would sort of seem like I was looking for a particular reaction rather than just trying to get you to understand (which is what I really wanted--for you to get it). It feels like you did get it on some level at least. Thanks for the comment that I wasn't allowed to beat myself up over not doing well enough with coping mechanisms while I was in your office. And confirming that you weren't frustrated with me, that it's not that easy. And thanks for letting me feed your fish. It felt like a special privilege or something, silly as that may sound. Love you, LT |
chihirochild, SlumberKitty
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Blueberry21, Quietmind 2
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Member
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Space
Posts: 73
4 11 hugs
given |
#88
Tuesday is definitely the hardest day for me. I want your reassurance. I’m riddled with anxiety. Medication will help tonight but getting up for work will be very difficult. I need a break. I’m tired. I’m anxious.
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chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, Spirit of Trees
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 7,361
15 25 hugs
given |
#89
T: It oddly made me feel better knowing you think I need more therapy than just once a week, and that we will just have to slog through this every other week until it resolves (hopefully). I still feel like shite, but am glad I am seeing you next week. Then its really the start of the new schedule. Ugh.
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chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave
Posts: 1,243
4 8 hugs
given |
#90
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NP_Complete, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave
Posts: 1,243
4 8 hugs
given |
#91
Dear T,
I hate not knowing how many sessions I have left with you. It's even worse because I know it depends on the visa and so I'm supposed to be the one telling you what timeframe we have left. I hope we can Skype after I move... You didn't outright say no...but I'm afraid circumstances will mean we can't... |
Blueberry21, Lemoncake, Lonelyinmyheart, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,700
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#92
I'm sad T and starting to feel overwhelmed= exam on monday.
Although I've sent yet another email asking for a second session,my money is on you not even seeing it in time until midday friday when it will be an obvious "sorry no can do". I feel like I've broken you in someway and you resent me. I don't want a T who assumes when I ask for an earlier session that it was just all about control and not asking for extra help. In a way this feels like a real relationship and I love you terribly, but it just feels like there has been a lot more misunderstandings. Leave or stay? Repeat the exact same pattern with another T? Since I've been a kid there's always been a obsessiveness about someone, and right now I'm just stuck, but all I've always wanted is just comfort and care. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." Last edited by Lemoncake; Jan 29, 2020 at 10:39 AM.. |
Blueberry21, chihirochild, Lonelyinmyheart, LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,093
4 1,732 hugs
given |
#93
Oh T - that hug. I wanted to say those three words but they stuck inside my throat and wouldn't come out but when I suddenly hugged you tighter with all the feeling I had, THAT was the reason. I've never felt it as strongly as I did then - so much love, with every cell of my being. Thank you for seeing me at such short notice and thank you for once again reassuring me that I'm doing okay.
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Blueberry21, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: hanging from a cloud
Posts: 3,002
4 192 hugs
given |
#94
PDOC is not happy with me and she told me that she will call you. Sometimes I would like to know the content of your conversations.
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Blueberry21, Lemoncake, Lonelyinmyheart, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,700
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#95
"Thank G-d, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it's like to be me”
Carl R. Rogers I found this quote on another T's profile and it honestly made me cry. I don't think you do understand. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
Blueberry21, Lonelyinmyheart, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Quietmind 2
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,093
4 1,732 hugs
given |
#96
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Lemoncake, Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty
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Member
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Ghent, Belgium
Posts: 250
4 70 hugs
given |
#97
T: It appears as if you suffer from some kind of trauma.
Me: I've been telling you that for 6 months ... |
Blueberry21, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Blueberry21, Quietmind 2
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 1,332
6 372 hugs
given |
#98
The occasional random smiles and playful looks felt nice today, I think. It doesn’t all have to be heavy and serious. And it was nice that you urged me to stay when there was still a little bit of time left and I was contemplating leaving. I bet you did that on purpose.
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Blueberry21, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,700
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#99
It's okay you're just a man not a hero
__________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
Blueberry21
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SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,764
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#100
Dear T,
I sort of implied this today, but part of me does wish you would cry or admit to feeling emotional over hearing me struggling so much at times with the stuff we talked about. I get why you don't and what you're trying to do and be careful of. But I just wish you could just drop the boundaries and say "It makes me so sad that you feel that way about yourself sometimes." Like, what you might say to a friend or a family member. You'll share frustration with me, why not sadness? Again, I get why you don't (intellectual level), but that doesn't take away the desire to do so (emotional level). Love, LT |
Blueberry21, captgut, chihirochild, Lemoncake, SlumberKitty
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