Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIII

LonesomeTonight · May 29, 2020 at 09:19 PM

Dear T,
Monday feels so far away... I will try to hold in my mind your smile as I was saying "Well, have a good weekend."

Love,
LT

tree7car · May 29, 2020 at 09:27 PM

You were distracted today due to everything that is happening in our community with the murder, the protests and the riots. I know you live nearish to where this all started/is happening. You admitted that right away when I sat down. Thanks for being up front with me. I appreciate that.

But it affected me more than I thought it would. I stayed in my frontal cortex the whole session...I didn't feel anything. I didn't access anything. I felt like I had to protect you. I don't like that. I'm not mad. I'm not blaming. I just don't like it. I needed something from today's session. Weekends have been horrible for me lately. And I needed a thought out plan with you, not a quick question on safety minutes before we ended our session.

Lemoncake · May 30, 2020 at 10:15 AM

Think I'm pretty much done with therapy.

Thank you for ignoring my message it makes me feel very seen.

Like you said before maybe I am just playing my "silly little games".

LostOnTheTrail · May 30, 2020 at 10:55 AM

Back to back heavy sessions are hard. Thursday feels a long way away.
I don't feel able to reach out - send basically the same email I sent last week, and get maybe the same response?
Feeling so damn vulnerable at the moment.

susannahsays · May 30, 2020 at 12:45 PM

I can't believe how supportive you were last night! Thank you! It felt really good that you seemed to be angry with my idiot professor on my behalf. And it also felt nice that you know me well enough that what she said to me was clearly outrageous.

comrademoomoo · May 30, 2020 at 12:45 PM

Wednesday is ages away. Why can't we speak every day? And why can we only speak for an hour at a time? Why don't you send me a postcard telling me that you miss me? Why have you never baked me shortbread? Why didn't you kiss the top of my head when you had the chance?! You ruin everything.

Mountaindewed · May 30, 2020 at 05:43 PM

I’m having those bad thoughts again. The thoughts that make you think I need a higher level of care and at times IP. I guess I’m a bit impulsive right now. I may just take another Xanax.

puzzclar · May 30, 2020 at 07:15 PM

T,
I'm learning that mindfulness is important. Yet I don't choose to do it. This is a problem. I may just have to have a conversation about it with you. Maybe I'm just anxious about changing. And a bit overwhelmed. So much happened this week week. And I know I worried you...
I worried myself too.

Mountaindewed · May 30, 2020 at 07:15 PM

I get jealous when you talk about your other clients in our session. Why do you even do that in first place though. I think I’m the only of your clients who’s transitioning. So maybe I’m a bit more “special.”

chihirochild · May 30, 2020 at 08:50 PM

Dear T,

I miss you and feel distant from you and wish I felt closer to you right now. Even though the longing is awful and ultimately does me a disservice.

-c

tree7car · May 30, 2020 at 10:08 PM

I really think that I should text you. Not at all because I want to...more because it's when we decided that I would. But it's too late right now...it's after 10pm. You told me that you're a grandma (not really) and go to bed early. If I text you now, it'll either wake you up or you won't respond until tomorrow morning. Either isn't okay with me. I just need to calm the freak down and be okay.

Lemoncake · 05:48 AM

As I didn't see you for that second session- I donated 65% of it .

Rive. · May 31, 2020 at 06:18 AM

I need you.

Where are you..?

Mountaindewed · May 31, 2020 at 02:41 PM

I’m about to make an executive decision and quit my job. I feel unsafe going back.

ArtieTheSequal · May 31, 2020 at 05:51 PM

i think i need to call you. i can't do this anymore. so much hate. so much violence. i'm sick to my stomach 24-7 the last couple days.

susannahsays · May 31, 2020 at 06:13 PM

You don't care about my liver lesion! I'm not going to the doctor! I hate going to the doctor! I don't want to do all those scans and tests and stuff again and have to wear a gown!

tree7car · May 31, 2020 at 06:35 PM

I texted you. Your response was not what I wanted. I wanted more concern. I wanted a reaction. I think that I need to tell you this when I see you tomorrow. I thought that texting was a bad idea...this is kinda why.

Mountaindewed · May 31, 2020 at 07:26 PM

You sent a second email and said “sorry, if that sounded mean.” Um, ok. We are all stressed and tired. I get it. But you can be super weird sometimes. If you thought you were being mean maybe you kinda were??? God therapists can be so shady sometimes. Then they blame it on the clients.

I don’t want to just come out and be like “I thought you were kinda being shady when you said that.” Because I am super tired right now and I’m starting to ramble and also I’ve been watching a lot of the Drag Race episodes with Gia Gunn in them who’s very two faced

But that 2 sentence email just seemed very two faced. And you wonder why I have trust issues.

LonesomeTonight · May 31, 2020 at 08:22 PM

Dear T,

Do I admit to you I sent that? I don't know.
Love,
LT

ETA: I mean, hey, I lasted like 11 weeks into the pandemic before doing so, so that's something, right?

ArtieTheSequal · May 31, 2020 at 08:41 PM

i'm feeling so verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry needy of you right now. the hell with my resolve to see someone else (at least for the time being). like you said on 5/1, these are different times. it's you that i want. it's the comfort of us that i need.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIII

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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,767 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	May 29, 2020 at 09:19 PM #901 Dear T, Monday feels so far away... I will try to hold in my mind your smile as I was saying "Well, have a good weekend." Love, LT

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,700 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	May 30, 2020 at 10:15 AM #903 Think I'm pretty much done with therapy. Thank you for ignoring my message it makes me feel very seen. Like you said before maybe I am just playing my "silly little games". __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	May 30, 2020 at 12:45 PM #905 I can't believe how supportive you were last night! Thank you! It felt really good that you seemed to be angry with my idiot professor on my behalf. And it also felt nice that you know me well enough that what she said to me was clearly outrageous. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,714 5	May 30, 2020 at 12:45 PM #906 Wednesday is ages away. Why can't we speak every day? And why can we only speak for an hour at a time? Why don't you send me a postcard telling me that you miss me? Why have you never baked me shortbread? Why didn't you kiss the top of my head when you had the chance?! You ruin everything.

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,225 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,779 hugs given	May 30, 2020 at 05:43 PM #907 I’m having those bad thoughts again. The thoughts that make you think I need a higher level of care and at times IP. I guess I’m a bit impulsive right now. I may just take another Xanax. __________________ Ridin' with Biden

puzzclar Elder Member Since Jan 2010 Location: Where? US Posts: 5,621 14 101 hugs given	May 30, 2020 at 07:15 PM #908 T, I'm learning that mindfulness is important. Yet I don't choose to do it. This is a problem. I may just have to have a conversation about it with you. Maybe I'm just anxious about changing. And a bit overwhelmed. So much happened this week week. And I know I worried you... I worried myself too.

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,225 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,779 hugs given	May 30, 2020 at 07:15 PM #909 I get jealous when you talk about your other clients in our session. Why do you even do that in first place though. I think I’m the only of your clients who’s transitioning. So maybe I’m a bit more “special.” __________________ Ridin' with Biden

chihirochild Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: North America Posts: 2,360 7 4,865 hugs given	May 30, 2020 at 08:50 PM #910 Dear T, I miss you and feel distant from you and wish I felt closer to you right now. Even though the longing is awful and ultimately does me a disservice. -c

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,700 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	May 31, 2020 at 05:26 AM #912 As I didn't see you for that second session- I donated 65% of it . __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." Last edited by Lemoncake; May 31, 2020 at 05:48 AM..

Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,014 10	May 31, 2020 at 06:18 AM #913 I need you. Where are you..?

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,225 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,779 hugs given	May 31, 2020 at 02:41 PM #914 I’m about to make an executive decision and quit my job. I feel unsafe going back. __________________ Ridin' with Biden

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,239 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,775 hugs given	May 31, 2020 at 05:51 PM #915 i think i need to call you. i can't do this anymore. so much hate. so much violence. i'm sick to my stomach 24-7 the last couple days.

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	May 31, 2020 at 06:13 PM #916 You don't care about my liver lesion! I'm not going to the doctor! I hate going to the doctor! I don't want to do all those scans and tests and stuff again and have to wear a gown! __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,767 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	May 31, 2020 at 08:22 PM #919 Dear T, Do I admit to you I sent that? I don't know. Love, LT ETA: I mean, hey, I lasted like 11 weeks into the pandemic before doing so, so that's something, right?

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,239 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,775 hugs given	May 31, 2020 at 08:41 PM #920 i'm feeling so verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry needy of you right now. the hell with my resolve to see someone else (at least for the time being). like you said on 5/1, these are different times. it's you that i want. it's the comfort of us that i need.