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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,897
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Jan 16, 2020 at 11:02 PM
#1
How do you get up the courage to tell your T that you are angry at them? I always end up unable to get angry and just say everything is fine.
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 downandlonely, SlumberKitty
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 Blueberry21
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
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Jan 16, 2020 at 11:15 PM
#2
Write it down and hand it to her... She can read then you can have a conversation about it.
__________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,405
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Jan 17, 2020 at 12:38 AM
#3
I don't think I've ever said the words outloud, but I have emailed L. She has brought it up in session that I felt angry with her, to which I usually reply that I don't want to be. I think I might have said it on the phone? I'm not sure.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,093
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Jan 17, 2020 at 05:01 AM
#4
I've never been able to say it but usually the T has picked up that I am and asked me about it. I think writing it down could be a good option.
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
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Jan 17, 2020 at 07:11 AM
#5
With T I was never able to. I know she would have handled it fine, I just couldn't. With EMDR T one I wrote it down and gave It to her to read and then we discussed it. The other time She asked me a question hat only be honestly be answered by telling her I was upset. So I was quiet for a few minutes and then blurred it out.
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Grand Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 916
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Jan 17, 2020 at 01:29 PM
#6
I have been angry woth my T multiple times. I usually tell him in writing or within the next two sessions but I am beginning to be able to tell him the same day. He is always fine with it and says people are always going to be angry with others at some point. Some of it he readily accepts because he knows he is pushing me where I don't want to go and he is always fine with that too.
This last time he struck a raw nerve and I think this will be the end. He will be getting a long letter on Monday the day before my next session. I am waiting to calm down a bit and get my head on straight so I don't say something I don't mean and I think I will be ending it all on Tuesday. I've learned that anger sometimes brings out the true feelings of those that usually try to mask the truth. |
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| downandlonely
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Blueberry21
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
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Jan 17, 2020 at 03:07 PM
#7
I emailed T angry/triggered once. He handled it so very appropriately I would be much more likely to say it directly to him next time.
__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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Blueberry21
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
Posts: 7,361
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Jan 17, 2020 at 09:58 PM
#8
I've never really been angry at my T, but she has opened it up as a possibility a few times, and seems like she would be receptive and non-defensive if I was angry at her.
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Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 333
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Jan 17, 2020 at 10:03 PM
#9
I started out emailing it, then I would write it and give it to him in session, now I usually just tell him when he pisses me off.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
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Jan 20, 2020 at 01:20 PM
#10
I've never been able to say it. I wasn't really ever mad at Former T (maybe she wasn't pushing me enough). With Pastor T, he makes me mad, but I also know he's sensitive to rejection and abandonment, and I know he's talked before about how people have come into his office as either a client or a parishioner and given him the riot act and how it has negatively affected him. I don't think I could tell him that I am mad at him even though I am sometimes. With Regular T, I've never really been mad at her that I can think of. Sometimes I am frustrated with her but I don't tell her that either. I tend to be non-confrontational and not direct so I doubt I would ever say it to T. If anything I would just talk about it here on PC. HUGS Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Earth
Posts: 76
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Jan 20, 2020 at 02:19 PM
#11
I would probably email. I’m terrible at handling conflicts IRL.
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Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: in der Welt
Posts: 273
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Jan 21, 2020 at 02:25 AM
#12
i tell her i hate her. or i bite her lightly...threaten to pour water on her head... im terrible but very obvious
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Member
Member Since Dec 2019
Location: London, UK
Posts: 111
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Jan 21, 2020 at 03:43 AM
#13
Quote:
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Member
Member Since Dec 2019
Location: London, UK
Posts: 111
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Jan 21, 2020 at 03:49 AM
#14
I’ve written it in an email that I thought about and agonized over for several days. I’m a writer who easily falls too far down the editing hole, so this ended up taking A LOT of time.
I have also told him directly that I felt angry, without emailing it first. In that context, we discussed it as “transference.” I think it partly was transference, and partly real. Some T’s are quick to jump to transference as an explanation - possibly as a defense. |
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