Where to go from here

I could use some opinions/advice if anyone has thoughts on my situation. I’m going to summarize because I don’t like the idea of every detail being posted here forever, but for anyone who is interested in hearing more or feels you need to know more details to offer advice, I’d be more than happy to share if you pm me!

Ok so to start, my marriage is in serious trouble. Right now it’s because of something I did, but in the past our issues have been mainly due to things my husband has done (though in my opinion what I did is much worse). My husband has not been willing in the past and is still unwilling to consider marriage counseling. I already see a t, but I’m thinking of adding on a church counselor as like a marriage counselor that I would attend by myself until if/when my husband is willing to attend with me. Or I don’t know if I should just view it as extra support for myself because I feel like I need more than my t can offer right now. I really can’t see how our marriage can move forward without help, so I feel pretty stuck and helpless. The reason I would see someone through the church is because it’s free and we don’t have money to pay an extra t (for anyone who was curious).

If anyone has thoughts either on the therapy aspect or the marriage stuff, I’d love to hear opinions. I don’t mind if they are harsh opinions either.

Hi. I dont have any marriage advice as I am single and have never been married. I do see a Pastor T--right now anyway in addition to my regular T. To add, my Pastor T has a PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy and has done all the clinical hours and got licensed and everything. The advantage of seeing my Pastor T is, he is free, two he focuses on my spirituality which my other T doesn't, three he is CBT oriented which I'm not fond of but it's a different style than my other T. The downsides, he doesnt seem to get some of my issues as well as a regular T like SH, sui, hallucinations, even though he has all the schooling, but he says I'm a different kind of client than he usually sees. Two, he often disagrees with regular T and she with him. Three, sometimes he can be pretty harsh. But he does usually work with couples so I think seeing a clergy person could potentially be helpful for you. Is the one you're thinking of seeing trained as a T or is he/she a lay person? That might make a difference. Best wishes to you. Hugs kit

I understand why you’d choose to see a church therapist if money is an issue. And maybe I’m wrong, but a church therapist might have an agenda, spoken or unspoken, to keep a marriage intact. And if that is what you want, great. But sometimes splitting is the best thing for the people in a marriage, and I think marriage counselors outside churches realize that and may provide more balanced therapy as a result—therapy for the people in the marriage, not the for the abstract relationship “marriage.”

I do know couples where one has started marriage counseling solo and the other has joined them eventually. Good luck, SummerTime.

I don't see him on a regular basis but I have met with my priest a few times when I have been struggling. It is nice to get another perspective and from a religious standpoint. My regular T is of the same religion am so we discuss it a bit too. I say give it a try what do you have to lose.

Is this a Pastor of a church you attend regularly?

Thanks for sharing your experience Kit! Honestly I’m not sure if this person is a trained counselor or not, but I have a feeling they’re not. I’m looking at it more as an extra source of support though, so I don’t think I mind if they’re not clinically trained.

That’s a really good point that I hadn’t actually thought about. I think it would probably be a good idea for me to ask about their beliefs on marriage/divorce in the initial meeting.

My regular t is also the same religion as me (Christian) but we don’t really talk about it much. It’s come up here and there, but he definitely doesn’t ever use it as like.. a therapeutic tool, if that makes any sense. While I’m actually grateful that my t doesn’t focus on religion, I think it’ll be nice to see a different perspective that’s more faith-based.


They are from a church I’ve never attended but have been wanting to go to. I just filled out a form online. Honestly I’ve only been to church a handful of times in the past year. I’m also not sure if the person I’ll be seeing is a pastor or not, but I’m fine either way.