Triggering on random stuff

T has always kinda expected it to be hard/triggering to talk about the trauma stuff. I am OK talking about what happened and discovering parts of the trauma and meanings I hadn’t gotten before. Yes, sometimes it is upsetting but I don’t get overwhelmed or trigger.
T has very gently been encouraging me to work on two things for the past two months. Finding balance in my life and affirmation statements. I have mildly triggered every time he has tried to talk to me/teach me about balance. The affirmations send me right off the edge into SI/SUI thoughts.
Last session we were talking about making a comfort object and T off handedly mentioned it would be really neat if I could include affirmations on it. I came home and started just to make the object, nothing on it, figuring we could decorate it in session where I feel safer. I had not made any decisions about what I was going to put on it. Well, I triggered badly. I messaged T only telling him what I needed from him not what happened. T got back to me as soon as he got into the office. T reassured me that he never wants me to feel pressured to do anything I am not comfortable doing or that makes me feel unsafe or uncomfortable (what I asked him to tell me).
Hubby thinks I am just trying to control therapy and not let T do his job. I did bring this up as a concern with T previously when H said it. T has assured me that he does not see me as sabotaging my therapy. T thinks we are working well together, have a strong relationship and he stated places where he is seeing growth.
Anyone else trigger on random stuff? Anything seem to help it? I am doing my CBT stuff to stop the intrusive thoughts and not act on my impulses. It is still just under the surface though and boiling. I am just trying to get through to my appointment on Monday. I know when H gets home and sees me he will know I have been triggered all day and while he intends to be supportive he isn’t... so I’m afraid it will get worse.

My guess is that kind of reaction to the idea of affirmation isn't at all random. Has your therapist explored where that reaction comes from? This would be exactly the kind of reaction that my therapist would say is not random at all, and if I could understand where it comes from, then I can find the place to deal with it and get past it.

He knows I have a hard time with it and that I triggered when he first brought it up. He asked if it was OK if he said some to me sometimes and I said OK. They make me uncomfortable but not to the point of triggering. Last session T was not at his best (he warned me at the start of session) so I don’t think he would have suggested putting affirmations on a comfort item had he been less distracted. And, me being me, I didn’t trigger when he said it. I didn’t trigger until I went to make the comfort item (which I now want to destroy every time I think about making it). T has invited me to bring whatever triggered me to session on Monday and we can talk about it if I want/feel comfortable. So I am sure that will be part of the discussion Monday. T does know that other similar things are triggers and he has been very gentle in attempting to help me with those. Often I trigger too fast though.

The problem with affirmations is that they work if the subconscious agrees with them. But the conscious and subconscious don't always agree , so we feel it as conflict or a trigger. The trick here ( which I use ) , is to use both positive and negative poles of a statement. So for instance , if you are using the affirmation " I deserve respect " and your subconscious doesn't agree that you do , you will feel something. If you change it to " I don't deserve respect , but I'm going to get it anyway " and keep repeating that , it moves from subconscious to conscious and begins to agree , like if you were to deem the negative pole of a battery as " bad " and remove it , there would be no flow of energy , the battery would not work. I'm not a fan of CBT as the negative isn't allowed as I can see, and it just bubbles under the surface.

Thanks for this thread! It has helped me understand why affirmations and meditation do not work for me and trigger me instead! If I attempt positive affirmations, I experience a kind of mental "glitch" which sends me into a downward spiral.