Too Complex For Private Therapy

This morning I went to meet a potential new T after terminating with my old T a few weeks ago due to him being extremely unsupportive and causing me a lot of hurt and pain with the way he acted.
I was feeling quite hopeful and optimistic about this new T but have left feeling utterly devastated and like there is nobody who wants to help me. I’m based in the UK and after explaining my circumstances she told me that I was too complex for private therapy and any ethical therapist should refuse to treat me. She said that I needed to get help through the NHS where there is a multi disciplinary support as private therapy would be too destabilising for me and too risky as I have suicidal thoughts. I had already explained that I had had horrific previous experience with the NHS and medical professionals which had left me traumatised and getting help from the NHS was not an option for me but she still continued to tell me that private therapists would not be able to treat me.
I feel completely devastated and like nobody wants to help me. Asking for help is something that is a huge challenge for me so to take that risk once again and be rejected once again had left me wondering what is even the point is trying to get help. I have no idea where to go from here.
I miss my old T so much and although I know he is not the right person to work with, now I am beginning to think I should have just stuck with him.
I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m untreatable and nobody wants to even attempt to work with me.
I’m hurting so badly and I can’t cope with it.

It is just one person's opinion, which she is generalising to a whole nation. Really? Not one single private therapist in the UK would be able to help you...?

Granted, I have no idea of the complexity of your case (nor am I asking) but I would try other therapists. Maybe she is the one who doesn't have the skill set to help you.

Could you possibly get referrals from your old T? Else, I would keep trying.

Also when I explained about what had happened with my last T, her response was ‘a T doesn’t lose empathy and understanding without a client giving them a reason. I wonder what the underlying issues were to cause this.’ So it seems it was my fault that my last T essentially told me I was choosing to feel suicidal and choosing to not get better.

I am also in the UK. NHS therapists are not more skilled than private therapists. What she has expressed is her professional opinion and she has assessed that she would not be safe to work with you due to the risks involved - in that sense she has saved you from pain and disruption further down the line by being clear from the start that therapy with her would not work for you. Another therapist might have a different assessment, especially someone who has a specialist interest in your material and presenting issues.

Are you registered with a GP? Do you have any contact with your local community mental health team? If your GP and/or a psychiatrist do not think that you need psychiatric intervention then a therapist's opinion (who is not a medical professional afterall) is pretty irrelevant in terms of your medical care. If you do need medical care with your mental health, this could be provided by NHS whilst running alongside a private therapist who is confident that they have the relevant skills and experience.

I was under the care of my CMHT this time last year but was left significantly traumatised by the treatment I received from the CPN I was assigned to and I discharged myself from their services and decided to get help privately. I then saw a private therapist for 8 months who was appalled at how I had been treated by CMHT, but then also ended up really hurting me and that is who I terminated with a few weeks ago. Going back to the NHS is not an option for me, it would completely retraumatise me and I can’t put myself through that.
It’s the fact that she said any ethical private therapist should refuse to treat me, which has just left me feeling like I’m in a no win situation.

I agree with comrademoomoo. That was just one T’s opinion (stated unprofessionally IMO) and they saved you a lot of time and money upfront by showing how blatantly worthless THEY were up front. That was about THEM not you. I worked with a Pdoc for over a year we always had the current plan and a plan B. All I needed to do was call if thing weren’t working and when she got the message she would call plan B into the pharmacy... well twice her nurse had me committed against my will and the second time Pdoc terminated me for being too much for outpatient. I went into a state program and was treated horribly and unethically. I found a new Pdoc and at our intake appointment she asked if I was my drama or theirs and then explained how she could tell by the meds that it was their problem. We’ve been together now ten years even though my GP could prescribe what I am on. So I know it happens and it isn’t always the client. Current Pdoc has never had any kind of emergency with me much less a need to commit me. The same holds true for T’s. I had 9+ that could not help me, 3 outright told me I could not get better! Now I am with an awesome T who likes working with me and is seeing tons of progress.
Keep trying, there are good T’s out there they are just hard to find.

Ah, if you discharged yourself whilst still requiring treatment, I think this puts a bit more context around the response of the private therapist. Unfortunately, your circumstances will be seen as high risk. The most important element is that you are not harmed by the therapy. A therapist can't provide you with psychiatric support and if that's what you need (alongside therapy, private or otherwise), you might well find it difficult to find a therapist who is willing to work with you. Maybe it's a bit like looking for a surgeon who would carry out surgery without anaesthetic.

My experience from NHS is that treatment is either extremely basic or hard to access. Types of treatment vary across the counties so getting the specialist treatment you need is pot luck.
Whereas with private therapy you can choose who has experience in certain areas that you think you need help in.
I think I would research the type of therapy that is recommended for your experiences of MH and then look to see if there are any therapists in your area that specialise. For instance I found internal family system was meant to be good for Cptsd and so I searched for that.

I would also suggest searching for any therapists in your area that have experience in the areas you think you need help with. I have also heard that internal family systems is meant to be good for cptsd.