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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 12:22 PM
  #461
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I started having visual hallucinations in childhood. I didn't get auditory ones until later, at least not that I remember. The visuals that I had were more protective usually, although sometimes I get persecutor ones. Is your son on any medications? Also, about the time I started getting the hallucinations, I had been physically ill for approximately three years during that time. I was tested for everything from childhood onset arthritis, to leukemia, to all sorts of stuff. All I know is that I was having procedures, and tests and stuff left and right and I just continued to get sicker and sicker until they finally figured out what was wrong with me. I don't know if the physical stuff that I had going on contributed to the onset of the hallucinations. Has your son had a physical recently? I hope you can get some answers and some peace. HUGS kit

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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 12:43 PM
  #462
I was talking to the RN yesterday who manages my care, and she was saying maybe I shouldn't see Pastor T anymore (which a lot of you guys here have said as well). She was asking me if it was helpful to see him and I said sometimes it is stressful to see him. Because he seems to think I can control some of this stuff. I can't. So I was telling her some of the stuff that he said and she said that if someone was telling her that and she was dealing with stuff like I am, that she would find it hurtful. I think she used a different word. Basically it would make her feel bad about herself. Worse than she was already feeling. She, I think, is of the same faith as me or at least a similar one, and she said she disagrees with him making it a spiritual issue. She says he doesn't understand SH or hallucinations. Which I don't understand. He has a PhD. in Marriage and Family Counseling, and he passed the board or whatever it is to get his license to practice. How can he not understand about this stuff? I know I'm not his usual type of client. He sees a lot of married people or at least people who are in relationships with one another and they are coming for marriage or relationship counseling. So I get that I'm an anomaly in his client list.


I'm still a bit reluctant to stop seeing him. I think partially because he is my Pastor and I feel some sort of obligation. Darn those dual relationships! And partially because I haven't ever really tried to stop SH-ing by making it a Spiritual issue before, so what if this is the way to finally get past that? I feel like I have to give it a 110% even though deep down I'm really not sure that it's helping. But what if I am self-sabotaging by not really being sure that it is helping?!! Like maybe I have to really believe this in order for it to work. Maybe I am engaging in what my former T would have considered magical thinking though. Like if I do X then Y will happen. Sigh. I don't know what to do anymore.

The RN also suggested contacting NAMI to see if there are any support groups in my area. Well I hate talking on the phone so I didn't call them, but I looked it up online and there is a support group that meets every second and fourth Thursday (also at a Church). One support group is for friends and family. Another support group is for people suffering from MI. I have corresponded with the pastor on email (a different one than Pastor T) and he told me when the group met and stuff. Although I still don't know if there is a cost, or where exactly it is located. It might be worth checking out. If I don't like it, I don't have to go back, right?


RN also suggested that I consider IOP. I was like, it would have to be workable with my work schedule. I could probably ask for an accommodation in working hours or something like that, but I have to be able to work to pay my bills: car payment, insurance, student loans, etc. She said if she can find one in the evenings would I be willing to go? I said yes. I just think of Pastor T asking me if I wanted to get well. I wouldn't be considering all these things and be willing to try all these things if I didn't want to get well. I'm kind of like demoralized? (Is that the right word?) That he would think that. I feel like I'm working so hard to just stay in the same place. But if I stopped trying so hard I would probably decompensate and completely fall apart.


RN wants to talk to me next week since I was IP. Okay, that's fine. I have a lot of appointments next week. I hope I can keep up with them all.


HUGS to anyone who wants one, Kit

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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 02:58 PM
  #463
Today at our board meeting at work, the General Manager was saying how he wants to find someone who can "back me up" because I have so much work to do. That when I was gone (at the hospital for 4 days) that one of the big wigs had sat at my desk and was like Kit has way too much stuff to do! I wonder how they would feel if they knew that I spend half of my day on the internet because I don't have enough stuff to do......

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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 03:01 PM
  #464
Hugs, Kit...I imagine for his marriage and family counseling degree he didn’t need to spend much time learning about hallucinations or SH. Like maybe a course or two on abnormal psych (which is like mental illness and such). But not the main focus at all. I also imagine much knowledge about that comes from experience working with clients, plus some continuing ed and reading up on it, maybe consultation if he’s not sure how to approach it.

I worry because he isn’t trained it, he’s doing more harm than good for you. By making you feel you’re not just failing in your own eyes, but those of God as well. Maybe you could try taking a break from him and seeing how it affects you? Like see if you feel better?

I’d also suggest giving the support group a try—I imagine it’s likely free, especially if held at a church. Hugs...
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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 03:04 PM
  #465
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Originally Posted by SlumberKitty View Post
I started having visual hallucinations in childhood. I didn't get auditory ones until later, at least not that I remember. The visuals that I had were more protective usually, although sometimes I get persecutor ones. Is your son on any medications? Also, about the time I started getting the hallucinations, I had been physically ill for approximately three years during that time. I was tested for everything from childhood onset arthritis, to leukemia, to all sorts of stuff. All I know is that I was having procedures, and tests and stuff left and right and I just continued to get sicker and sicker until they finally figured out what was wrong with me. I don't know if the physical stuff that I had going on contributed to the onset of the hallucinations. Has your son had a physical recently? I hope you can get some answers and some peace. HUGS kit
Thanks SK. He's not on any medication. I'm not even sure what his diagnosis is from his school based therapist. He had a physical over the summer, and is relatively healthy otherwise.
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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 03:10 PM
  #466
Today was one of those sessions where I wasn’t sure what I wanted to talk about when I went in. But Dr. T brought something up in response to a comment I made about our last rupture, and it ended up being a really good session.

Was about my taking something positive from negative experiences, learning from them. Like how he thinks our relationship is stronger now, and he thinks we had to go through conflict to get there. How he thinks having conflict and working through it is better than fear. (Like fearing conflict and avoiding it). I said I do still have some fears about our relationship . How for a long time after the whole standing thing, I was afraid to ask him for anything, because what I’d he thought I was trying to be controlling? He said if he felt that way, he might tell me, might say he’s irritated, that we’d work through it, and it would be OK.

How it’s better to bring up conflict early, or it’s like a clam with a grain of sand that turns into a pearl (he meant oyster, but OK). I was like “isn’t a pearl. Good thing?” He said not for the clam, that it’s irritation, and it’s trying to build a protective coating around it. I was like “Oh I’m not too well versed in crust-...Er mollusks.” But I got his point. He said how he’s trying to help me see that in there then apply it to outside relationships, that it’s better to discuss when it’s a grain of sand. And I said I’ve been trying to do that, like with H. He agreed.

Will put the amusing moment in a separate post..
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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 03:15 PM
  #467
Thanks @LonesomeTonight

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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 03:17 PM
  #468
Anyone know how to get stitches to stop itching?!!! Oh my gosh it is driving me crazy. I have gauze over it and taped on the top and the bottom, with the sides open. That is how they did it at the Psych hospital. Every morning and every night I put lotion on to try to help the itch. But it is driving me crazy because it is itching so much. I keep trying to itch them through the gauze. Ugh!!!!!

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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 04:04 PM
  #469
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Anyone know how to get stitches to stop itching?!!! Oh my gosh it is driving me crazy. I have gauze over it and taped on the top and the bottom, with the sides open. That is how they did it at the Psych hospital. Every morning and every night I put lotion on to try to help the itch. But it is driving me crazy because it is itching so much. I keep trying to itch them through the gauze. Ugh!!!!!
can you tap it? I have heard of people doing that with tattoos to avoid scratching and wrecking things
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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 04:07 PM
  #470
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can you tap it? I have heard of people doing that with tattoos to avoid scratching and wrecking things
I'll try that. The other day I put ice on it and that helped, unfortunately I have no way of doing that while at work. So ready for the stitches to come out!

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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 04:09 PM
  #471
Hi Couch,

Today has been a Day, but I am back now, with upgraded Internet.

Hope everyone's doing as well as they can.

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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 04:09 PM
  #472
I canceled t today and I feel badly as she was really sweet and told me I could call at my appointment time if needed. I couldnt think of an excuse and so was just honest and said I cant be around people right now. it's a difficult time of year and EMDR T pushed so hard I just wanted to be left alone.
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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 04:10 PM
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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 04:19 PM
  #474
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I'm still a bit reluctant to stop seeing him. I think partially because he is my Pastor and I feel some sort of obligation. Darn those dual relationships! And partially because I haven't ever really tried to stop SH-ing by making it a Spiritual issue before, so what if this is the way to finally get past that? I feel like I have to give it a 110% even though deep down I'm really not sure that it's helping. But what if I am self-sabotaging by not really being sure that it is helping?!! Like maybe I have to really believe this in order for it to work. Maybe I am engaging in what my former T would have considered magical thinking though. Like if I do X then Y will happen. Sigh. I don't know what to do anymore.
Maybe try doing research into what the best practices are for treating self-harm and see if that matches with the approach Pastor T is taking? When I feel unsure, I sometimes try to look for research articles or expert opinions about how I should proceed.

Or you could ask around here for other people's experience with stopping self-harm. Was it a spiritual issue for them? What do they think made them want to stop, since you sometimes feel ambivalent about it?
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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 04:34 PM
  #475
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Anyone know how to get stitches to stop itching?!!! Oh my gosh it is driving me crazy. I have gauze over it and taped on the top and the bottom, with the sides open. That is how they did it at the Psych hospital. Every morning and every night I put lotion on to try to help the itch. But it is driving me crazy because it is itching so much. I keep trying to itch them through the gauze. Ugh!!!!!
Is it the stitches that are itching or the tape? Just wondering because I have an adhesive allergy, so tape, band-aids, etc. make me really itchy, and bandaids leave a big red mark in my skin. If could be adhesive, taking some sort of an antihistamine could could help, like Benadryl or Zyrtec
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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 04:41 PM
  #476
Going to put funny moment under trigger to be safe
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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 04:43 PM
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Maybe try doing research into what the best practices are for treating self-harm and see if that matches with the approach Pastor T is taking? When I feel unsure, I sometimes try to look for research articles or expert opinions about how I should proceed.

Or you could ask around here for other people's experience with stopping self-harm. Was it a spiritual issue for them? What do they think made them want to stop, since you sometimes feel ambivalent about it?
Good suggestions @ElectricManatee I'll definitely look into some research. One of the things that the CFO/Controller said to me today was that she likes how much I research a problem. I guess that is a good attribute of mine. I'm not sure if I am going to find a lot of information regarding Self Harm as a spiritual problem. I have come across a couple of websites that seemed to have suggested it, but I don't know about peer reviewed journals or anything like that.


I am ambivalent at times. I am on the side right now where I want to stop (probably because I just got out of IP and never ever want to go there again--but I've already been having urges, even while in IP, although I wasn't about to say that to them). I'm definitely open to considering more things than I used to. Like an actual live support group, I never would have considered that a year or two ago. So I think I am making progress.

Thanks for the encouragement. HUGS Kit

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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 04:44 PM
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Is it the stitches that are itching or the tape? Just wondering because I have an adhesive allergy, so tape, band-aids, etc. make me really itchy, and bandaids leave a big red mark in my skin. If could be adhesive, taking some sort of an antihistamine could could help, like Benadryl or Zyrtec
Yeah, I think it is both. I am allergic to bandaids and stuff too which is ironic if I think about it. But the stitches themselves are itching as well, either that or it is the wound underneath it itching as it is healing. I'm not sure. In any event, my arm is driving me up the wall. I still have to get through 4 days of this. ARGH! Maybe I will try some sort of antihistimine if it comes in a cream. I can't take Benedryl because it makes me bounce off the walls.

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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 05:23 PM
  #479
My unintentional plan of letting everything in my yard die during the drought and tossing around some grass seed seems to kave worked most of the prickly weeds are just about gone and the grass is growing now to keep an eye on my sneaky neighbour so he doesnt mow and kill the young grass hopefully the rain will last long enough for the grass to spread
 
 
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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 06:02 PM
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Yeah, I think it is both. I am allergic to bandaids and stuff too which is ironic if I think about it. But the stitches themselves are itching as well, either that or it is the wound underneath it itching as it is healing. I'm not sure. In any event, my arm is driving me up the wall. I still have to get through 4 days of this. ARGH! Maybe I will try some sort of antihistimine if it comes in a cream. I can't take Benedryl because it makes me bounce off the walls.

Hugs...so you're one of the people who has the opposite reaction to Benadryl (it totally knocks me out). I think wounds tend to itch as they heal. Could you check with the RN about what could be good/safe to use on it? Wondering if something like coconut oil might be OK.
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