FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 3,512
13 3,133 hugs
given |
#1
Ugh. My brain seems to be wanting to be mad at T. We have been processing a lot of trauma. Two weeks ago we had a long session and were back to our usual one hour this week. He read me a book that kicked up all sorts of stuff... and I just seem to be looking for excuses to be mad at him. I got a different picture of him that is more current than the one on his web page. His face looks much more like what I see in session but his clothes make him look more masculine. I seem to want to be upset by that. In session Monday he played a song on his phone for me. While pulling up the song a text message came in and he glanced at it momentarily before realizing what he did. I want to be mad about that. Another T in the same building is an art therapist and a couple weeks ago he shared with her (with permission) some of the art I am using to process. I did a new project in the sequence and asked him to show her seeing as she had seen the others. T was excited I asked him to show her... I want to be upset with him for that.
I know what’s really going on. I’m remembering loosing what little human contact I got as a child. I am remembering multiple losses of and abandonment by my primary caregivers... H jumped up and down on the abandonment button during a fight last week... But I am so tired of this constant battle in my head this week to not blow things up with T. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
Reply With Quote |
LonesomeTonight, Out There, pbutton, Taylor27
|
pbutton
|
Grand Member
Member Since Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 916
7 409 hugs
given |
#2
I am constantly mad at my T. Usually for no good reason except that he is doing his job and pushing me to get better.
Sometimes I get nad at him for a good reason which I will eventually bring up and we will discuss. All of my friends tell me to stop being mad at him and give him a chance. He is only doing his job and wgat is best for me. I am still constantly annoyed with him and hate going to sessions. |
Reply With Quote |
Omers, Out There, pbutton
|
pbutton
|
healing from trauma
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Alberta
Posts: 30,425
(SuperPoster!)
6 24.3k hugs
given |
#3
Hugs i too sometimes want my t to be mad at me too. I feel like i will get her angry at me very soon like with my other t's i have had
|
Reply With Quote |
Omers
|
Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 3,512
13 3,133 hugs
given |
#4
I am fortunate to know that if I do blow up at T he won’t get angry or push me away. He gets very calm and nurturing when I get triggered or angry. It would take a lot to get him angry. I am pretty confident anything that the only way I could really get him angry would be to do something that impacted his home and or family. Anything with him at the office I don’t think could get him mad... but... if I did something stupid I would feel really ashamed and I don’t feel like working with him on shame yet.
__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
Reply With Quote |
Out There
|
Oh noes!
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: in a house
Posts: 4,485
12 6,819 hugs
given |
#5
Oh, I can definitely relate! I am really sorry to hear that you're struggling with this. Your post made so much sense to me. I struggle with something very similar. It's exhausting. Even on weeks like this one where I'm a bit out of 'specific' examples of how T has "failed" me.
I am currently driving myself nuts. T made a fairly personal self-disclosure last week. I spent the following week driving myself out of my mind. I kept coming up with more and more reasons to be angry at T. I continued to spiral and spiral until my obsession with my therapy relationship started to absorb every waking moment of my life. FUN. Then I went in for yesterday's session and became even more worked up and can't stop fueling the fire of my raging desire to quit. Except for the part of me that would be heartbroken if I did quit. I'd miss T and I'd miss the hope that I would be able to keep getting better. But the hell with those stupid feelings, since I don't want them to matter right now. Normally I find his self-disclosure helpful and .. comforting, I guess would be the right word? Well, I mean, I used to react that way. But THIS week he said that he's observed that his self-disclosure is typically helpful for me. Um yeah, that WAS true, but now that I have heard him speak about it, no FREAKING WAY will I be participating in that mortifying little scenario anymore. Ever since he made that comment I have been repeatedly making plans to meet any level of disclosure with stony silence or rudeness. Because I apparently enjoy ruining things that provide me comfort and assistance. Reasons I want to be upset with T:
The actual issues (AKA the list of things I am trying to distract myself from):
|
Reply With Quote |
Omers, Out There
|
Omers
|
Legendary
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: England
Posts: 11,355
(SuperPoster!)
8 14.6k hugs
given |
#6
I can relate to this , it's a sign your therapy is going well ( although it may not feel like it ! ) I talked to my T in session this week about you and your T because I could see similarities and the insight I was getting. I think some of what comes up is conscious and we can see it , but what's unconscious often feels like just a sort of inner turmoil which we try to express in some way , sometimes it's anger. I'm sure your T will handle this well and see it as progress. I remember my T handling both positive and negative transference extremely well when I was experiencing it. Hugs.
__________________ "Trauma happens - so does healing " |
Reply With Quote |
Omers
|
Reply |
|