Should I quit therapy?

Eleny · Feb 08, 2020 at 10:35 AM

I know this is a decision only I can make but I'd really like some advice.

I have been in therapy on and off over the years and made some good progress, but I hadn't been in a long time. I went through a very difficult time in recent years and decided to go back, except this time I now had developed a drinking problem.

I have been in therapy a year now and have made very little progress. I've definitely made some progress around my drinking but I slip back into the habit a lot. It's always one step forward, and then 2 steps backwards. My alcoholism has been a huge obstruction for me in moving forward.

I am frustrated with my lack of progress and feel that maybe I am just not ready.

The thing is I pay privately for my sessions, and it costs me €70 a session. It's really not cheap and after I pay my rent and bills I don't have much left.

I guess I'm wondering if I should quit therapy? My therapist told me I shouldn't because I need to be going but I really am making very little progress and it feels as though I am wasting a lot of money.

What do you guys think?

Salmon77 · Feb 08, 2020 at 11:23 AM

On the one hand, therapy might help you to see what is underlying the drinking problem and support you in your recovery. On the other, it might be best to get the drinking under control first and look at the root causes later. If you quit therapy, how could you focus that time and money on addressing your alcoholism? What kind of support system do you have?

MobiusPsyche · Feb 08, 2020 at 11:31 AM

I don't know of anyone who has reasoned their way out of an alcohol problem. It's not like you're going to have an insight in therapy one day and then never want to drink again. Despite how much you do (or don't) understand about what leads you to drink, the urge to drink will still be there to take you down.

I think addressing the drinking problem head on with a program or a therapist specifically trained in addictions is more likely to lead to success. Not to say therapy is useless, it can help as an add on, but primary addiction treatment is what leads to success with stopping/reducing drinking.

Eleny · Feb 08, 2020 at 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

I don't know of anyone who has reasoned their way out of an alcohol problem. It's not like you're going to have an insight in therapy one day and then never want to drink again. Despite how much you do (or don't) understand about what leads you to drink, the urge to drink will still be there to take you down.

I think addressing the drinking problem head on with a program or a therapist specifically trained in addictions is more likely to lead to success. Not to say therapy is useless, it can help as an add on, but primary addiction treatment is what leads to success with stopping/reducing drinking.

Thank you for this, I have considered an addictions counsellor. Do you think their approach is much different to that of a regular therapist?

Rive. · Feb 08, 2020 at 12:55 PM

Take a break and see how you fare without therapy.

Then again, there is therapy and therapy. In other words, not all therapy (or therapists) are equal. Some may help you more than others or you may try other non-therapy avenues or support groups.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 08, 2020 at 01:02 PM

I think it depends on why you think you may be using the alcohol. If it's mainly or even partly as a coping mechanism, then the right therapist can teach you different/better coping mechanisms (this is something I'm working on now in therapy). You'd likely have to start using those and find which are effective before you're able to cut down on/stop the drinking. Do you talk to your therapist about your drinking? If so, what have they said about it? Do they have any ideas to help you? Looking for a T with experience working with addictions, if yours doesn't have that, would be one route to take. Or you could consider trying some sort of group while doing therapy (whether AA or one of the alternatives), just to see if it helps. There are also some medications that can help with it (naltrexone can make it less pleasurable and help with cravings). I think the first step is talking to your therapist about it, if you haven't already, and see what they think.

Feb 08, 2020 at 04:10 PM

I have two thoughts, can you either change therapist, or change what you are doing with this therapist? What do you do at the moment in your sessions with her?

Eleny · Feb 09, 2020 at 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I I think the first step is talking to your therapist about it, if you haven't already, and see what they think.

This is hard, because she won't let me leave. This sounds dramatic but I feel a lot of pressure to stay. She tells me I had no one to look after me growing up, so someone has to be on my side, so I think this is why she is quite firm with me.

Even thinking of saying I want to leave scares me because I will basically be told no, it's a very bad idea. And I know of course it's my choice, but it's very difficult to leave under these cirumstances.

Eleny · Feb 09, 2020 at 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ocean breeze

I have two thoughts, can you either change therapist, or change what you are doing with this therapist? What do you do at the moment in your sessions with her?

At the moment it feels as though I'm going around in circles. Every session is the same. She asks me why I didn't go to AA this week. She asks me do I not want to have a good life. She asks me why I continue to drink.

I think she's trying to reinforce reality but I don't think it's working. There are some very positive aspects to my therapy of course but this is just a huge stumbling block.

Do you have any advice? I feel so lost. Thank you.

LonesomeTonight · Feb 09, 2020 at 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eleny

This is hard, because she won't let me leave. This sounds dramatic but I feel a lot of pressure to stay. She tells me I had no one to look after me growing up, so someone has to be on my side, so I think this is why she is quite firm with me.

Even thinking of saying I want to leave scares me because I will basically be told no, it's a very bad idea. And I know of course it's my choice, but it's very difficult to leave under these cirumstances.

Oh, that's not good if she's pressuring you to stay. Could you try to find a different T?

LonesomeTonight · Feb 09, 2020 at 12:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eleny

At the moment it feels as though I'm going around in circles. Every session is the same. She asks me why I didn't go to AA this week. She asks me do I not want to have a good life. She asks me why I continue to drink.

I think she's trying to reinforce reality but I don't think it's working. There are some very positive aspects to my therapy of course but this is just a huge stumbling block.

Do you have any advice? I feel so lost. Thank you.

This sounds bad to me as well, asking why you don't want to have a good life (ugh). It sounds to me like she doesn't understand addiction. My T has talked about how difficult addiction can be, that it's not as simple as "I want to stop, so I'll just stop." And he's said with me, the reasons I drink are complex (not just one reason--and I could drink for different reasons within one day, for example, like different reasons at different times). He gets it. And seems to understand that I need to get other stuff in place before I can either stop completely or significantly cut back. He lets me bring it up when I want, but doesn't push me on it otherwise.

So, I think you need a T who understands addiction. Or if you don't want to leave her, tell her that her approach isn't helping, that it's not as simple as "OK, I want to improve my life so I'll stop immediately."

Eleny · Feb 09, 2020 at 01:35 PM

Thanks a lot for your replies.

Her approach doesn't feel like it's working but she's been such a good T that I thought maybe I was wrong. She told me I'm going to die or lose everything, and even though I think it's a shock tactic, all it does is make me feel more ashamed because I can't get on top of my addiction.

I think maybe I should try an addictions counsellor.. thanks again for the advice guys.

Shotokan · Feb 09, 2020 at 02:40 PM

Maybe you should consider going to an inpatient alcoholic treatment center in your area and continue with your therapist.

In these treatment centers, there is a lot of ongoing group therapy.

Feb 11, 2020 at 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eleny

At the moment it feels as though I'm going around in circles. Every session is the same. She asks me why I didn't go to AA this week. She asks me do I not want to have a good life. She asks me why I continue to drink.

I think she's trying to reinforce reality but I don't think it's working. There are some very positive aspects to my therapy of course but this is just a huge stumbling block.

Do you have any advice? I feel so lost. Thank you.

You said in one of your comments that your T has said you should carry on seeing her, that’s a bit of a red flag for me. When I said to my T that I had been questioning whether seeing her was helping and whether I should carry on seeing her, her reply was that those were good questions to be asking. She didn’t offer an answer.

I think that there are different approaches that you can take in therapy. One is to try to tackle your drinking head on in therapy. This seems to be what your T is trying to do? Another, is not to talk about it at all, but to do relational work with your T talking about anything and everything and dealing with the emotions that might come in the course of this, hoping that this will resolve your drinking indirectly. I don’t know if that makes sense? I also don’t know if your current T is the right one to try that with? You seem to have a lot of motivation, as evidenced by you spending the time and money that you have so far.
I’m sure there are other approaches too.

sarahsweets · Feb 13, 2020 at 03:41 AM

Hey @Eleny are you in therapy specifically to address your drinking?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eleny

I know this is a decision only I can make but I'd really like some advice.

I have been in therapy on and off over the years and made some good progress, but I hadn't been in a long time. I went through a very difficult time in recent years and decided to go back, except this time I now had developed a drinking problem.

I have been in therapy a year now and have made very little progress. I've definitely made some progress around my drinking but I slip back into the habit a lot. It's always one step forward, and then 2 steps backwards. My alcoholism has been a huge obstruction for me in moving forward.

I am frustrated with my lack of progress and feel that maybe I am just not ready.

The thing is I pay privately for my sessions, and it costs me €70 a session. It's really not cheap and after I pay my rent and bills I don't have much left.

I guess I'm wondering if I should quit therapy? My therapist told me I shouldn't because I need to be going but I really am making very little progress and it feels as though I am wasting a lot of money.

What do you guys think?

kecanoe · Feb 13, 2020 at 07:40 PM

I do AA and therapy. In my experience, AA works better than therapy for drinking.

From what you wrote it sounds like your T is trying to keep you engaged with both therapy and AA. It seems like lots of Ts think that is a good approach. I know that an active addiction (not saying that you have one-you make that call) can interfere with therapy. If that is what is going on, it may be wise to take a break from therapy and focus on the addiction. AA is definitely cheaper than therapy.

downandlonely · Feb 13, 2020 at 07:43 PM

I don't have an alcohol problem, but I go to support groups for people with mental illness. They are free, and I have found them much, much more helpful than paying for an individual therapist. So I agree with @kecanoe. Try AA or another support group. You'll find people who really understand what you're going through.

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Salmon77 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2014 Location: PNW Posts: 1,394 10 106 hugs given	Feb 08, 2020 at 11:23 AM #2 On the one hand, therapy might help you to see what is underlying the drinking problem and support you in your recovery. On the other, it might be best to get the drinking under control first and look at the root causes later. If you quit therapy, how could you focus that time and money on addressing your alcoholism? What kind of support system do you have?
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Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,011 10	Feb 08, 2020 at 12:55 PM #5 Take a break and see how you fare without therapy. Then again, there is therapy and therapy. In other words, not all therapy (or therapists) are equal. Some may help you more than others or you may try other non-therapy avenues or support groups.
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Anonymous46863 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 08, 2020 at 04:10 PM #7 I have two thoughts, can you either change therapist, or change what you are doing with this therapist? What do you do at the moment in your sessions with her?
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Shotokan Member Member Since Jan 2020 Location: In The Dojo Posts: 196 4 1 hugs given	Feb 09, 2020 at 02:40 PM #13 Maybe you should consider going to an inpatient alcoholic treatment center in your area and continue with your therapist. In these treatment centers, there is a lot of ongoing group therapy.
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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Feb 13, 2020 at 07:43 PM #17 I don't have an alcohol problem, but I go to support groups for people with mental illness. They are free, and I have found them much, much more helpful than paying for an individual therapist. So I agree with @kecanoe. Try AA or another support group. You'll find people who really understand what you're going through.
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