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Member
Member Since May 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
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#1
I know this is a decision only I can make but I'd really like some advice.
I have been in therapy on and off over the years and made some good progress, but I hadn't been in a long time. I went through a very difficult time in recent years and decided to go back, except this time I now had developed a drinking problem. I have been in therapy a year now and have made very little progress. I've definitely made some progress around my drinking but I slip back into the habit a lot. It's always one step forward, and then 2 steps backwards. My alcoholism has been a huge obstruction for me in moving forward. I am frustrated with my lack of progress and feel that maybe I am just not ready. The thing is I pay privately for my sessions, and it costs me €70 a session. It's really not cheap and after I pay my rent and bills I don't have much left. I guess I'm wondering if I should quit therapy? My therapist told me I shouldn't because I need to be going but I really am making very little progress and it feels as though I am wasting a lot of money. What do you guys think? |
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*Beth*, Out There
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: PNW
Posts: 1,394
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#2
On the one hand, therapy might help you to see what is underlying the drinking problem and support you in your recovery. On the other, it might be best to get the drinking under control first and look at the root causes later. If you quit therapy, how could you focus that time and money on addressing your alcoholism? What kind of support system do you have?
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Eleny, MobiusPsyche
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2016
Location: Appalachian Mountains
Posts: 2,040
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#3
I don't know of anyone who has reasoned their way out of an alcohol problem. It's not like you're going to have an insight in therapy one day and then never want to drink again. Despite how much you do (or don't) understand about what leads you to drink, the urge to drink will still be there to take you down.
I think addressing the drinking problem head on with a program or a therapist specifically trained in addictions is more likely to lead to success. Not to say therapy is useless, it can help as an add on, but primary addiction treatment is what leads to success with stopping/reducing drinking. __________________ "I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned." --Richard Feynman |
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Eleny
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Member
Member Since May 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
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#4
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,014
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#5
Take a break and see how you fare without therapy.
Then again, there is therapy and therapy. In other words, not all therapy (or therapists) are equal. Some may help you more than others or you may try other non-therapy avenues or support groups. |
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Eleny
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
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#6
I think it depends on why you think you may be using the alcohol. If it's mainly or even partly as a coping mechanism, then the right therapist can teach you different/better coping mechanisms (this is something I'm working on now in therapy). You'd likely have to start using those and find which are effective before you're able to cut down on/stop the drinking. Do you talk to your therapist about your drinking? If so, what have they said about it? Do they have any ideas to help you? Looking for a T with experience working with addictions, if yours doesn't have that, would be one route to take. Or you could consider trying some sort of group while doing therapy (whether AA or one of the alternatives), just to see if it helps. There are also some medications that can help with it (naltrexone can make it less pleasurable and help with cravings). I think the first step is talking to your therapist about it, if you haven't already, and see what they think.
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Eleny
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#7
I have two thoughts, can you either change therapist, or change what you are doing with this therapist? What do you do at the moment in your sessions with her?
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LonesomeTonight
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Member Since May 2015
Location: Europe
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#8
Quote:
Even thinking of saying I want to leave scares me because I will basically be told no, it's a very bad idea. And I know of course it's my choice, but it's very difficult to leave under these cirumstances. |
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LonesomeTonight
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Member
Member Since May 2015
Location: Europe
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#9
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I think she's trying to reinforce reality but I don't think it's working. There are some very positive aspects to my therapy of course but this is just a huge stumbling block. Do you have any advice? I feel so lost. Thank you. |
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LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
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#10
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Oh, that's not good if she's pressuring you to stay. Could you try to find a different T? |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
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#11
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This sounds bad to me as well, asking why you don't want to have a good life (ugh). It sounds to me like she doesn't understand addiction. My T has talked about how difficult addiction can be, that it's not as simple as "I want to stop, so I'll just stop." And he's said with me, the reasons I drink are complex (not just one reason--and I could drink for different reasons within one day, for example, like different reasons at different times). He gets it. And seems to understand that I need to get other stuff in place before I can either stop completely or significantly cut back. He lets me bring it up when I want, but doesn't push me on it otherwise. So, I think you need a T who understands addiction. Or if you don't want to leave her, tell her that her approach isn't helping, that it's not as simple as "OK, I want to improve my life so I'll stop immediately." |
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MobiusPsyche
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Member
Member Since May 2015
Location: Europe
Posts: 287
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#12
Thanks a lot for your replies.
Her approach doesn't feel like it's working but she's been such a good T that I thought maybe I was wrong. She told me I'm going to die or lose everything, and even though I think it's a shock tactic, all it does is make me feel more ashamed because I can't get on top of my addiction. I think maybe I should try an addictions counsellor.. thanks again for the advice guys. |
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downandlonely, LonesomeTonight
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Member Since Jan 2020
Location: In The Dojo
Posts: 196
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#13
Maybe you should consider going to an inpatient alcoholic treatment center in your area and continue with your therapist.
In these treatment centers, there is a lot of ongoing group therapy. |
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#14
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I think that there are different approaches that you can take in therapy. One is to try to tackle your drinking head on in therapy. This seems to be what your T is trying to do? Another, is not to talk about it at all, but to do relational work with your T talking about anything and everything and dealing with the emotions that might come in the course of this, hoping that this will resolve your drinking indirectly. I don’t know if that makes sense? I also don’t know if your current T is the right one to try that with? You seem to have a lot of motivation, as evidenced by you spending the time and money that you have so far. I’m sure there are other approaches too. |
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LonesomeTonight
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
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#15
Hey @Eleny are you in therapy specifically to address your drinking?
Quote:
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2008
Location: Illinois, USA
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#16
I do AA and therapy. In my experience, AA works better than therapy for drinking.
From what you wrote it sounds like your T is trying to keep you engaged with both therapy and AA. It seems like lots of Ts think that is a good approach. I know that an active addiction (not saying that you have one-you make that call) can interfere with therapy. If that is what is going on, it may be wise to take a break from therapy and focus on the addiction. AA is definitely cheaper than therapy. |
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: United States
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#17
I don't have an alcohol problem, but I go to support groups for people with mental illness. They are free, and I have found them much, much more helpful than paying for an individual therapist. So I agree with @kecanoe. Try AA or another support group. You'll find people who really understand what you're going through.
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