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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 3,512
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Feb 13, 2020 at 09:19 AM
#1
OK, feeling a bit lost and confused. Usually I can pull my internalized T up at any time and hear his voice. The past several days it was getting harder and harder and today t seems gone all together. I still know what he would say but it isn’t the same. T is in town, we are on our regular schedule, no ruptures... so nothing wild and crazy going on but I cannot pull up his voice. Anyone else go through this?
__________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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 Blueberry21, ElectricManatee, Elio, Fuzzybear, kecanoe, LonesomeTonight, Out There, SlumberKitty
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...............
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: in my head
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Feb 13, 2020 at 09:30 AM
#2
yes, I do. No advice.
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 Omers
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,093
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Feb 13, 2020 at 09:32 AM
#3
Me too. Sometimes I even doubt that T exists and wonder if I made her all up. It helps that I can text her as it reminds me she is still there. I have a very poor visual memory so I rely on my sense of T, including her voice, rather than her appearance.
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*Beth*, Omers, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 1,332
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Feb 13, 2020 at 11:11 AM
#4
I can relate especially since my T is on vacation now. My dysfunctional response is to send an antagonizing email and create a rupture. Not recommending that you do that. Sorry no help. Let me know if you figure it out.
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| Blueberry21, Omers
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
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Feb 13, 2020 at 11:50 AM
#5
Quote:
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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| Lonelyinmyheart
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Member
Member Since Dec 2019
Location: London, UK
Posts: 111
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Feb 13, 2020 at 08:56 PM
#6
This isn’t something I’ve been through as I am more avoidant than anything (and so I push T away and fear closeness rather than fearing losing him). But I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, it sounds terrible. Hugs.
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,755
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Feb 13, 2020 at 09:30 PM
#7
I've had this issue before. It's part of why I found the voicemail from my ex-marriage counselor to be helpful, because it was in his voice. With current T, I have no voicemails, so just need to try to remember from emails and the transitional object. It can be difficult though.
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
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Feb 14, 2020 at 12:45 AM
#8
I actually feel most connected to L by her voice. Sometimes in session, it's very intimidating to be directly in front of her and making eye contact. But her and I have realized that just listening to her voice, that is what reassures me. I get to email her as much as I want which helps a lot, but sometimes I can't read the email in her voice. That's one of the times we do a phone call. It helps me remember how she sounds and how she says things. I wish I was better about internalizing her voice and I wish she also would leave me a voicemail to help.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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LonesomeTonight, Omers, skeksi
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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Feb 16, 2020 at 02:16 PM
#9
Yes, this happens to me, both...I cannot recall how she looks (although that's improved lately), I cannot "feel" her voice or intonations. Frankly, it concerns me because when I cannot imagine her I don't feel that she's as important in my life, meaning the therapy is not as relevant.
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| Omers
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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Feb 20, 2020 at 01:35 AM
#10
What is an internalized T?
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 3,512
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Feb 20, 2020 at 03:47 AM
#11
Usually (and it came back after last session) when I am needing things T gives me but am between session I can hear it in my head in his voice. Things he has said over and over in therapy. Some of the love, care and words that I find most healing are getting “stuck” in my brain so I can use them when I need them.
This has been an aweful, aweful week and I have not needed to call him because I go someplace comfortable and safe, allow myself to be quiet and think “OK, what would T be saying/doing right now”. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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| LonesomeTonight
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