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SarahSweden
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Default Feb 18, 2020 at 10:48 AM
  #1
I see a counselor without a therapist license and as I have no other options I struggle in finding a way with her.

Sheīs nice, kind and I know she wants me well and I try to bring that with me from our meetings. I often feel in a better mood and a bit less anxious after meeting with her but as Iīve been in this situation several times before I know itīs a fragile feeling of safety.

People who arenīt trained in proper psychotherapy can be warm and nice to talk to but it also creates a dependency to some extent. Thatīs because those people donīt know how to help their clients to process issues on a deeper level and how to become more independent and able to manage life in a better sense.


The sessions I have with this counselor often consists of general chats about the issues I bring to her and as Iīve seen her only like five times I hope sheīll be able to meet me on a more emotional level.


I think she sees herself as someone "being there" for me and that "having someone" will make me change the situation Iīm in. That can be true but only to a limited extent as my issues stem partly from childhood and my way of reacting and relating to other people keeps repeating itself. By that, itīs not enough to just find a job in a different setting or similar.

Iīm very ambivalent to it all as I donīt want to just end it with her but our contact also brings the same concerns over and over again.

This isnīt a post about changing counselors as I donīt have that option but to get support and understanding about my situation.
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Default Feb 18, 2020 at 11:06 AM
  #2
Hey Sarah, if you dont mind my asking, what are her credentials? What I mean is she must have gone to school so what is her degree in? i am asking because some people have counselors that are pasters or priests who have extensive experience counseling people but are not trained or have no formal education doing this. Is that what you mean?

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Default Feb 18, 2020 at 11:17 AM
  #3
Thanks. I havenīt asked her specifically about her credentials but I know she has been working within psychiatric care for many years and her title is now "case manager" and "counselor".


I know she has basic education within psychotherapy, just the theoretical stuff. She hasnīt worked with clients in session, more helping people getting access to a doctor at the facility or helping them adjusting meds.

I think she started out working at different mental health care wards and then she switched to seeing patients in an office setting instead.


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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Hey Sarah, if you dont mind my asking, what are her credentials? What I mean is she must have gone to school so what is her degree in? i am asking because some people have counselors that are pasters or priests who have extensive experience counseling people but are not trained or have no formal education doing this. Is that what you mean?
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Default Feb 18, 2020 at 08:58 PM
  #4
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. . .I think she sees herself as someone "being there" for me and that "having someone" will make me change the situation Iīm in. That can be true but only to a limited extent as my issues stem partly from childhood and my way of reacting and relating to other people keeps repeating itself. By that, itīs not enough to just find a job in a different setting or similar.

Iīm very ambivalent to it all as I donīt want to just end it with her but our contact also brings the same concerns over and over again.
. . .
Having my support group "be there" for me has been a big help as I deal internally, and mostly by myself, with internal stuff and anxiety and depression that go along with it sometimes.

I know that having just one person being there isn't the same but, for me, having trained therapists, the last with excellent credentials, didn't help me resolve my issues much. It did help me find, or rather throw me back into, some of the causes of some of my problems, maybe. But resolve them and move forward, no.

I would have been very much worse off after my last therapist terminated me, if I hadn't had that group.

I think you said that your counselor said that she thought you had good insight into your problems ? I have found that knowing my support group people are there for me, and care about me helps relieve and depression so that I can sometimes make better progress at resolving the other things on my own.

There are people on this forum in therapy with psychodynamic T's who have reported ambivalence, too. I never had a lot of that -- my pattern was perhaps too determined -- but it doesn't seem to be that unusual.
I can understand how frustrating the situation is for you. Frustration like you have talked about is NOT pleasant. Wanting to avoid that kind of unpleasant feeling is natural. Hopefully it will get better with time?
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Default Feb 19, 2020 at 10:26 AM
  #5
Thanks. I agree support groups can be helpful and Iīm glad you have yours to go to. I agree itīs important to have someone to share things with outside treatment.

The problem is that I need both and I donīt know how to get there. As you said, my counselor told me I have a lot of insights myself but I feel itīs more me who discuss my issues on a deeper level than she is.


She agrees when I tell her about a pattern I see or how some issue can be connected to the past. But she doesnīt help me in processing things on a deeper level or on an emotional level but sticks to her broad perspective.


Iīve seen this rather a lot, not only with the counselor I currently see. Within public health care they seem to ignore what the patient wants to talk about and just skip forward to solutions of different kinds. By that, they never learn how to listen and how to help patients process things.

I feel my counselor doesnīt understand me on a more emotional level, perhaps sheīs worried sheīll come "too close" to me or similar. Iīm thinking of telling her that she can "go closer to me", that is, she can talk to me about my issues in a more personal way. I though fear she wonīt be able to do that.


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Having my support group "be there" for me has been a big help as I deal internally, and mostly by myself, with internal stuff and anxiety and depression that go along with it sometimes.

I know that having just one person being there isn't the same but, for me, having trained therapists, the last with excellent credentials, didn't help me resolve my issues much. It did help me find, or rather throw me back into, some of the causes of some of my problems, maybe. But resolve them and move forward, no.

I would have been very much worse off after my last therapist terminated me, if I hadn't had that group.

I think you said that your counselor said that she thought you had good insight into your problems ? I have found that knowing my support group people are there for me, and care about me helps relieve and depression so that I can sometimes make better progress at resolving the other things on my own.

There are people on this forum in therapy with psychodynamic T's who have reported ambivalence, too. I never had a lot of that -- my pattern was perhaps too determined -- but it doesn't seem to be that unusual.
I can understand how frustrating the situation is for you. Frustration like you have talked about is NOT pleasant. Wanting to avoid that kind of unpleasant feeling is natural. Hopefully it will get better with time?
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Default Feb 19, 2020 at 11:58 AM
  #6
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. . .
I feel my counselor doesnīt understand me on a more emotional level, perhaps sheīs worried sheīll come "too close" to me or similar. Iīm thinking of telling her that she can "go closer to me", that is, she can talk to me about my issues in a more personal way. I though fear she wonīt be able to do that.
From what you have written, it seems like your fear may be realistic -- that is, she may NOT be able to get closer to you, for who knows what variety of reasons. Maybe professional boundaries and staying within what she knows that she has been trained for? Who knows.

And yet it sounds like you very much want more emotional closeness -- from her, or someone?

How to get there I don't have any suggestions, either. But, maybe a start is to "hold on" to just the feeling of wanting closeness, not the how, and see/feel what comes up for you? Or maybe not, could be too intense IDK. But if it IS intense, that's where having some support, even if only in the here and now, can be helpful IMO.
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Default Feb 19, 2020 at 02:18 PM
  #7
Sarah, I know you've been in this position before, and unsuccessfully. I wonder if perhaps now you could try a different reaction to something your counselor says? There's a saying in English, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." Maybe the counselor shouldn't be the one to make changes to fit what you say you require. Maybe you need to change your requirements. Example, push yourself to go deeper. I hope that makes sense.

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Default Feb 19, 2020 at 03:58 PM
  #8
You probably would have to pay for an online therapist licensed in the US. I dont know if they do that.
It might worth it. I’m in a situation that is not the same but has similar aspects. To have counseling online with my son, who lives in a different state,I would have to pay myself tho I have really good insurance..
Here’s another idea:12 step programs are built on mentorships. Each person who needs help asks someone (in the support group)to be their mentor. The 12 step programs in the states have had really good successes with this approach.
I struggle with how to work with my therapists too. I usually like a lot more structure with stronger attention to goals than most of them do in the US.
Do you have a specific diagnosis? Amazon has a lot of great workbooks for anxiety,depression, and many more. What behavior patterns do you feel you are repeating?
You have an amazing support group right here on Psych Central.! Some of the people on the forums are or have been licensed therapists. The best therapist I ever knew is on the forum. I mainly knew here as a bipolar friend, but in making suggestions to me, she was better than many of the therapists I have had—just brilliant. Her clientele had been a very challenged group including violent offenders so a former teacher like me was so easy for her .
We are all pulling for you.

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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 07:00 AM
  #9
Thanks. Yes, Iīm not sure yet why she acts like she does as I didnīt want to confront her about it. Perhaps itīs just that we havenīt met in this setting more than a few times or that she feels uncomfortable if it gets "too" emotional.


Yes, I think emotional closeness or understanding is essential as itīs the road to healing. I easily tend to intellectualize issues and I often see what could be reasons to why I feel or act a certain way. But thatīs not enough and insights themselves arenīt enough. The processing need to be on an emotional level.

Whatīs your experience on that, do you feel youīve ever been met emotionally by a therapist?

I could perhaps tell her in the very situation that this is about feelings, not getting explanations and see how she responds to that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by here today View Post
From what you have written, it seems like your fear may be realistic -- that is, she may NOT be able to get closer to you, for who knows what variety of reasons. Maybe professional boundaries and staying within what she knows that she has been trained for? Who knows.

And yet it sounds like you very much want more emotional closeness -- from her, or someone?

How to get there I don't have any suggestions, either. But, maybe a start is to "hold on" to just the feeling of wanting closeness, not the how, and see/feel what comes up for you? Or maybe not, could be too intense IDK. But if it IS intense, that's where having some support, even if only in the here and now, can be helpful IMO.
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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 07:04 AM
  #10
Thanks. Thereīs no point in going deeper if my counselor doesnīt follow which is my point through out this post. Iīve brought to her a document where I state what I need and want to talk about, what goals I have and that I want emotional understanding and processing as part of treatment. To just go along with her and change my requirements would be of no use as then we would mostly continue chit-chatting and my real issues wouldnīt be dealt with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by coolibrarian View Post
Sarah, I know you've been in this position before, and unsuccessfully. I wonder if perhaps now you could try a different reaction to something your counselor says? There's a saying in English, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." Maybe the counselor shouldn't be the one to make changes to fit what you say you require. Maybe you need to change your requirements. Example, push yourself to go deeper. I hope that makes sense.
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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 07:07 AM
  #11
Thanks. No, Swedish healthcare would never pay me to see a therapist abroad, whether itīs online or not.

I agree talking on this forum is helpful, at least sometimes, and getting in touch with former therapists thorugh this forum is even better.


Quote:
Originally Posted by luvyrself View Post
You probably would have to pay for an online therapist licensed in the US. I dont know if they do that.
It might worth it. I’m in a situation that is not the same but has similar aspects. To have counseling online with my son, who lives in a different state,I would have to pay myself tho I have really good insurance..
Here’s another idea:12 step programs are built on mentorships. Each person who needs help asks someone (in the support group)to be their mentor. The 12 step programs in the states have had really good successes with this approach.
I struggle with how to work with my therapists too. I usually like a lot more structure with stronger attention to goals than most of them do in the US.
Do you have a specific diagnosis? Amazon has a lot of great workbooks for anxiety,depression, and many more. What behavior patterns do you feel you are repeating?
You have an amazing support group right here on Psych Central.! Some of the people on the forums are or have been licensed therapists. The best therapist I ever knew is on the forum. I mainly knew here as a bipolar friend, but in making suggestions to me, she was better than many of the therapists I have had—just brilliant. Her clientele had been a very challenged group including violent offenders so a former teacher like me was so easy for her .
We are all pulling for you.
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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 08:43 AM
  #12
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. . .
Whatīs your experience on that, do you feel youīve ever been met emotionally by a therapist?. . .
Maybe in some ways, at some times, by some therapists, but generally. . .no.

I don't know that I'm emotionally met in my support group, I'm somewhat careful about what I say sometimes. But, generally, I do talk about my emotions and what is going on with me and do feel accepted there.
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