Attachment to a therapist, a ''bad'' thing?

Deleting this.

I post and delete a lot too...

I have a significant attachment to my T of 9 years we have walked through my life facing trauma after trauma there’s no way I could have talked about all that unless I felt safe with him , so yes an attachment.

I think there are some people attached to there T either they want it to be more than a strictly T and client relationship , and yes there are some shyt T’s that can manipulate a client. But the good far outweighs the bad.

Honestly I would not be alive to write this post had I not found my T so many years ago.

My T is 72 and will one day decide he wants to go fishing daily instead of the office 3 days a week. When he retires I will be done with Therapy I have no desire to regurgitate my life to anyone else

I think there are some people, myself included, who go into therapy unable to distinguish -- how can I describe it? -- self and other very well. This would impact our ability to understand what a strictly T and client relationship is or would/should be, at least on an emotional level.

You would think -- I would think, and did -- that this is or would be something that therapists could/"should" help with. Maybe some T's do. But in my long experience, many do/can not.

Which is or can be part of the problem with "attachment" in therapy IMO.

I was "attached" to all of my therapists in very positive ways. I prefer to think of it as relationship. I cared deeply for all of them and knew they felt the same. I wouldn't be here without that level of relationship with my therapists, nor would I have been able to work with them without that particular type of relationship. Having that person who could remain objective because he lacked personal involvement in my real life, having that person who could be straight with me without it being all tangled up in a personal relationship dynamics, having that professionally attached relationship for insight and focus, was vital in my healing and my growth.

This is exactly what went ''wrong'' in the therapy I experienced. I had wrongly thought that I could be free to talk and explore in the therapy without being judged and without him lashing out at me with repeated knee jerk reactions (or was it intentional... I can never be sure) It did become very tangled up in relationship dynamics. I did not give him what he wanted. Sadly his Narcissistic personality disorder was not under 'control'' enough for him to be anywhere near an effective therapist. I have experienced more healing... and certainly less messed up projection, blame, etc...……….. from many conversations over years with a good friend. An online friend although we have talked on the phone. It saddens me that there are a few therapists who are highly qualified but the NPD ''features'' means that they do harm to some. I did nothing wrong. I experienced severe emotional neglect in early childhood. if he could not help, he ''should'' have referred me …. Whether that harm from the therapist is intentional or not. it is still harm. I am writing this in a hurry. I am not ''angry'' with you or any of the responders, just a bit stressed and its late and I'm tired. I am working on MY healing and MY growth. Hugs and respect to all

I agree, good post. I'm not sure about how many T's can help with injuries from early neglect and trauma and how many can't or won't … I'm sorry you were hurt. If the T themselves have experienced Narcissistic or other injuries early on... the dynamics could become ''quite'' messy and potentially harmful. I would much rather I was referred than that I ''bored'' or ''annoyed'' him so much he felt he had to tell me that many times. Its a bit like ripping a plaster off... if he didn't like me then ''dump'' me and I could have found someone ''better'' rather than putting up with him and his boring judgments for years. Why I put up with that is my ''damage'' (he told me I was ''damaged'' (posted that in another thread here the other day)

me too

therapy became more consumed and wrapped up in the dynamics of the relationship going on between ex-T and myself than about helping me overcome my early childhood traumas. it's as if we continuously fed off of and triggered each others deep seeded fears over and over.and over again.

I may not be understanding, but I don’t see how anything you describe, which sounds quite awful, in any way is exactly what I described. I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences in your therapy.

I'm not good with words sometimes. I sort of felt that my experience with therapy was at times (a lot of times) rather like the opposite of what I think you were describing. The therapist did not express caring for me, in fact he expressed the opposite, indifference and that he felt ''callous'' - exact word used. This was not a constant but it happened ''too often'' - and the timing was not ''good'' - I had done nothing to ''deserve'' that expression of callousness and indifference, rather, I was talking about something extremely painful to me. (this or similar happened a few times)

Okay. That makes sense. I was just not understanding your wording. I’m sorry your experience was so damaging.

I often reread what I write and realize that someone already posted my thought.

I am sorry you are going through this Fuzzybear and that your experience was so horrendous. It must be so painful and hard. I hope you do find a therapist that you can work with. It took me such a looong time to find a good one. Isn't it sad that many need therapy to deal with their former therapists.

And no therapist should ever tell you that you ask to many questions. If we all had the answers, we wouldn't be in therapy. How ridiculous of that therapist!

I don't think attachment to a therapist is a bad thing, or something to be shamed over/about. I was very attached to former T and still am in some ways. (I am allowed to email or text her periodically so I still have limited contact with her and what she thinks of me and my choices is still very much an influence on my life.) I am not attached to Regular T (current T) or Pastor T in the same way. I do enjoy Regular T quite a bit but I am not attached to her. She could be gone for a month and I probably wouldn't really miss her at all. My "relationship" with Pastor T is more complicated--particularly as we are in a dual relationship, I am both the parishioner and the counselee and he is both the pastor and the counselor. I am not attached to him either. He tends to irritate me so it is hard to feel close to him. That said, I don't think it is wrong to be attached to a T, but I think it can be detrimental to be attached to the wrong T. Hope that makes sense. HUGS Kit

Right now i would say i am not attached. Have very much so in the past. I sent her a long email and she responded and have talked a little in sessions. Now, i am actively distancing myself from her. I am not texting or emailing but i think of her often, email and immediately delete it.
There is a reason for attachment and its healing to have a trusting and supportive therapeutic relationship with your T. I am distancing myself because i am not ready to FEEL.