[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I feel that your last line is what's most important--that if the T sets a certain policy, then they stick with it. I've seen too many instances on here where a T initially allowed and responded to email, then suddenly (and unilaterally, without discussing with the client) decided to stop responding or stop allowing emailing (or texting or other outside communication) at all.

I've mentioned this fear to my T before, and he said because he offered email, including responses, from when I started, he doesn't think it would be right to take it away. That he could potentially need to put more boundaries on it, like charging me if it became too frequent/long, but he'd never stop reading and replying.

He's also said that most of his clients don't use email at all (aside from scheduling), and those that do tend to use it differently from me--like maybe one long email every couple months. So it isn't like he's responding to all his clients all the time (as some on this thread have mentioned). I suspect it's that way for most T's who do outside contact--not all of their clients use it (an exception might be those who do DBT, as I think phone/text coaching is part of the model).

The bolded part is exactly why I don't think Ts should engage in "e-mail therapy" with anyone. They don't know if it's going to be too hard until it becomes too hard. Every therapist is potentially going to come up against a client who pushes the email boundary beyond what they can cope with eventually. Or, their circumstances change and it is simply no longer feasible or possible for them to respond to clients after hours. And everyone - including therapists - has the right to restate a boundary or to withdraw consent at any time, to any thing.
Yes, it is damaging as hell to the client when that happens.
Which is exactly why - for the protection of the client - between-session contact, whether that be by email, text or phone - should have a very strict boundary around it from the outset.

[TeaVicar?]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Therapists are no different than any other professional on this. Mds do email, lawyers do email, teachers do email, and so on. The idea that therapists are somehow super duper busy and unable to do what every other profession does in terms of time is simply ridiculous. Therapists are not busier than any other professional - and those other professionals manage to handle email. Therapists may be whinier or have somehow managed to convince some others that they are special - but I don't buy it at all. Their job is not that hard.
Further not every client of any professional is going to send a long email - seriously again just not a thing and it is a false argument. Some do, some don't - professionals manage to deal with it.
I don't think that any professional should check email on off hours. My syllabus tells students that I will respond within 48 hours. The therapist I hired had a 24 hour response "most of the time" on her website. The expectation of immediate response may be misplaced (on the part of anyone's client - my students, my own clients in my law practice, a therapist's, an md's and so on) but that doesn't equal not responding or them somehow being too busy to do so.

But how many lawyers are going to receive an emotional, self reflective email from their client, following a previous appointment? It takes time to respond to that kind of email, in an appropriately thoughtful way. I imagine lawyers mainly deal with more factual content, not so much a debrief on the lawyer client relationship. Also, don't lawyers tend to charge for emails?

I agree that some response is good practice and polite. I just don't think therapists (who choose not to use email for anything other than admin and scheduling) should be expected to write long responses to those kinds of emails. It's basically an expectation of the continuation of the therapy session, without paying for the extra time.

Having said that, some therapists are fine using email in that way and that's ok too. It's up to the therapist how they choose to work.

[ArtleyWilkins]

^^I agree with this, TeaVicar. It isn't the emails themselves. Yes, pretty much all business professionals deal with some emails outside of work time, but they are business emails, not the stuff of emotion and trauma and transference, etc. prone to misinterpretation due to emotional baggage. For most of us, our after hours emails are things like, "Yes, I'll take care of that on Monday," or "Come see me on Tuesday and we'll look into this", etc. If a client is simply taking care of scheduling an appointment, that is probably fine, but so often, people are writing emotional, heavy, reflective emails and when the therapist doesn't answer or if they answer "incorrectly" in some fashion, it just opens up all sorts of issues. Even if they reply and say, "I can't respond to this right now. Let's talk about this in our next session," they will often be dealing with a client who now says they don't care, etc.

Email for therapy is a bit of a can of worms. I personally feel I was fortunate that it really wasn't an option with my therapists. I picked up the phone and talked to them if I really needed to speak to them. If it wasn't that pressing, it could wait for session. It sure made my therapy less confusing.

I do think if a therapist allows emails, they need to be explicit about what they will respond to and what email is not for. I do as much with my students. Heck, we even have discussions about email etiquette.

I also believe they have the right to change their policy for a client about emails if they discover it is creating problems, or if they decide a client could benefit from emails. Flexibility on the part of the therapist AND the client is important as they grow to know each other.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by TeaVicar?

But how many lawyers are going to receive an emotional, self reflective email from their client, following a previous appointment? It takes time to respond to that kind of email, in an appropriately thoughtful way. I imagine lawyers mainly deal with more factual content, not so much a debrief on the lawyer client relationship. Also, don't lawyers tend to charge for emails?

I agree that some response is good practice and polite. I just don't think therapists (who choose not to use email for anything other than admin and scheduling) should be expected to write long responses to those kinds of emails. It's basically an expectation of the continuation of the therapy session, without paying for the extra time.

Having said that, some therapists are fine using email in that way and that's ok too. It's up to the therapist how they choose to work.

Every divorce/child custody attorney I know gets these. I don't disagree that professionals of any sort could bill for the time if it is built into the contract - have at it. I wrote the woman I hired but I never wanted a response if it wasn't for just appointment changes/cancellations. I would have written and sent by mail if there was no email. I agree that therapists can choose how to work but I wish more clients would recognize they don't have to hire ones who don't work they way they want. Clients don't have to take crap from therapists.

[nottrustin]

[QUOTE=TeaVicar?;6778992]But how many lawyers are going to receive an emotional, self reflective email from their client, following a previous appointment? It takes time to respond to that kind of email, in an appropriately thoughtful way. I imagine lawyers mainly deal with more factual content, not so much a debrief on the lawyer client relationship. Also, don't lawyers tend to charge for emails?

Exactly, how many other professions answer e mn ails where the client "just"needs reassurance and will offer it frequently and in depth free of charge.

[stopdog]

[QUOTE=nottrustin;6779064]

Originally Posted by TeaVicar?

But how many lawyers are going to receive an emotional, self reflective email from their client, following a previous appointment? It takes time to respond to that kind of email, in an appropriately thoughtful way. I imagine lawyers mainly deal with more factual content, not so much a debrief on the lawyer client relationship. Also, don't lawyers tend to charge for emails?

Exactly, how many other professions answer e mn ails where the client "just"needs reassurance and will offer it frequently and in depth free of charge.

Actually, I know professionals in other fields who do - I have done it for my clients. But this is adding a new element/straw man into the argument - Therapists can charge for it - it is on them if they choose not to do so. Put it up front and charge for it.
I never found a therapist's response to anything whether in person or in email or on the phone to be useful. But this rush to defend those people (who are in no peril and don't really care whether a client is upset or not) on this basis is simply mind boggling to me. It is like those people who defend their kidnappers or torturers. Or the Jailor's Pet monty python scene:
"Now, take my case. They hung me up here five years ago. Every night, they take me down for twenty minutes, then they hang me up again, which I regard as very fair, in view of what I done, and, if nothing else, it's taught me to respect the Romans, and it's taught me... that you'll never get anywhere in this life, unless you're prepared to do a fair day's work for a fair day's pay!"
Life of Brian Script - Scene 12: Brian Earns Jailor's Pet Title

[Shotokan]

Some therapists believe that good therapists do not let their clients have 24 hour access to them. Clients are "taught skills" and need to be working on them out of session. Then when they meet with their therapist, a discussion of whether or not the techniques helped and if and how to work on them takes place. I've experienced this when working for a group practice.

[Shotokan]

My psychiatrist just perused this thread the other day. He stated, "there should be no reason for emails. Therapy takes place in the office; it should NOT be ongoing. Now during an actual crisis, a patient can try to reach me through the office manager or contact the crisis hotline. The crisis hotline will even send someone (outreach worker) out to meet the client, if necessary. The outreach workers not only do counseling, but they also transport people to the emergency room if necessary. Anyway, the majority of practices don't allow contact after hours. They just let their patients know that the crisis line is available.

I can understand this. They need to recharge their batteries to be productive in their sessions.

[Shotokan]

[QUOTE=nottrustin;6779064]

Originally Posted by TeaVicar?

But how many lawyers are going to receive an emotional, self reflective email from their client, following a previous appointment? It takes time to respond to that kind of email, in an appropriately thoughtful way. I imagine lawyers mainly deal with more factual content, not so much a debrief on the lawyer client relationship. Also, don't lawyers tend to charge for emails?

Exactly, how many other professions answer e mn ails where the client "just"needs reassurance and will offer it frequently and in depth free of charge.

Exactly!

[stopdog]

Stockholm Syndrome is the phrase I was looking for

[SlumberKitty]

My former T encouraged me to send her emails and texts between sessions. Some were short. Some were long. I usually sent her an email to debrief later that day or the next day. She usually responded. We did a lot of growth that way. Regular T and Pastor T don't really email. I *can* email Pastor T because he is my pastor too, so if I have a question on something spiritual, I'll send it to him, but I've not felt the desire to debrief about our therapy with him, mostly because it is cut and dry for the most part. I don't know how he would respond to that sort of email either. BTW, he emailed me last night to see if I could change from today til tomorrow being that he is sick. I said sure--and don't infect your wife!

[sarahsweets]

I dont think this issue needs to be emotionally charged or looked at as a "bad therapist" or "bad client". If the therapist is ok with it they need to be consistent about responding and if they plan on billing for it that needs to be said up front. Its cruel to allow a client access to you for emails and emotional crisis's and then decide that its too much and stop contact. At the same time its completely ok to establish guidelines that you wont do email or respond to it as a matter of boundaries. My son is about to go to law school. He is 24. He is currently clerking for a law team at a big company. I asked him what his perspective was on emails after hours and he said its typically billed like any other time billed- even if its an emergency. They also have a system where the lawyers can be emailed but it goes through like a.. filter that hides their personal email. They will still get the emails whenever they are sent but its through the portal so that clients know that the lawyers are not on standby for them. I do not look at therapists as "special" people with special jobs that would prevent them from outside the office contact but I think they should either set the standard or not and uphold it.

[Lrad123]

I’ve posted about emails in the past. For the first year of our relationship my T responded to my emails and then abruptly stopped, saying he didn’t think they were helping. I think maybe he was right. At the time, I wasn’t doing a great job of being present during sessions, but now I am. Now, I will typically get a generic one sentence response to an email. I’m not sure what my deal is with wanting a short, but thoughtful response from him, but I really want that. I’m otherwise not needy and not ever in crisis. I’m independent in my real life. But I very much want an occasional thoughtful response from him. I’m not sure if there’s a deep hidden meaning there or if I just want connection. It hurts not to get this and I’m not sure how to think of it. Anyway, this is an interesting topic for me.

[LonesomeTonight]

I really think it's ultimately up to T's to set their own policies on email based on what they're comfortable with. I agree on how there shouldn't be "bad therapist" or "bad client." I imagine many people might think I'm a "bad client" in this scenario...

My T also allows email when he's out of town (assuming he has WiFi access) and checks/replies once a day, generally in the morning. He's away this week, and I sent him something brief last night. I opened by saying I'd intended not to email him, but it had been a really stressful week.... He replied this morning with some supportive words and added "Please do not concern yourself with having reached out. It’s not a problem, and you’re not my only client to do so." One of T's things he focuses on with me is taking him at his word, that he'll be honest with me if something bothers him (and he has been in the past). So I'm taking him at his word here.

I'm sure many would say I shouldn't have bothered him while he's away, but he says it's OK, and I believe that. I trust him to be able to set his own boundaries--he could have just said he wouldn't be able to check email (or that he'd only check a couple times, or would read but not reply). If he's really *not* OK with it, then that's on him.