[SalingerEsme]

". Not answering emails today is like refusing to take phone calls in the 1990s or ignoring letters in the 1950s. Email is not household clutter and you’re not Marie Kondo. Ping!

“My inbox is other people’s priorities” bothers me as a social scientist, but also as a human being. Your priorities should include other people and their priorities. It’s common courtesy to engage with people who are thoughtful in reaching out."

No, You Can’t Ignore Email. It’s Rude.

[Lrad123]

I can’t remember, SE, does your T respond to your emails?

[nottrustin]

I think as long as they are upfront with their preferences iymt is okay. T preferred either phone calls or emails. Of those choices I preferred email so that was how I contacted her the most.

EMDR T doesnt like email because the lack of security plus she is horrible about remembering to check her email. However, she welcomes texting and phone calls. We text AMD if I am struggling she will call back because in that case she dislikes even texting .

[Salmon77]

Of course, if you read further in the article, he says:

We all need to set boundaries. People shouldn’t be forced to answer endless emails outside work hours — which is why some companies have policies against checking emails on nights and weekends. Some people I know tell their colleagues they’ll be on email from 9 to 10 a.m. and 2 to 3 p.m. each day, but not in between. If it’s not an emergency, no one should expect you to respond right away.

I don't think Ts should ignore emails but I don't think they need to be at everybody's beck and call 24/7 either.

[SalingerEsme]

Yes, M is easygoing with email, & is a sensitive, sometimes funny or touching , writer. He likes to write.

I just see some T's creating so much pain on the forum over this, and while I understand the complexities , there's an aspect to it that strikes me as precious and a little bit lazy even. Many of us cope with client email, and at least private practice T's should be able to incorporate reasonable email into their time management imo .

Originally Posted by Lrad123

I can’t remember, SE, does your T respond to your emails?

[Shotokan]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

Of course, if you read further in the article, he says:

I don't think Ts should ignore emails but I don't think they need to be at everybody's beck and call 24/7 either.

I agree. Many therapists in my area including mine don't even give out their email addresses. They need to charge their batteries in order to be effective in session for their clients.

[LonesomeTonight]

My T always replies to emails (usually within 24 hours), but also has boundaries around it. He generally only responds to emails in the mornings (between 8 and 9 or so), unless it's something about scheduling. If an email takes him longer than 15 minutes to read and reply to, he'll charge in 15-minute chunks of his hourly fee (those responses tend to be really long though, like 6 paragraphs). He's said that keeps him from getting resentful of client emailing, because he's getting compensated for his time. He doesn't charge for most of them though. I've learned to edit mine to get to the point and be clear in what I'm looking for from him, which is something he actually commented on in session yesterday (how they've changed from when I first started seeing him).


Ex-T and ex-MC allowed email and never charged or set any sort of limit on frequency or length. Ex-T usually didn't reply (or might just say something like, "Let's discuss next session." Ex-MC often replied, but usually fairly briefly. At some point, each of them did express frustration (particularly ex-T) with the amount of email I sent (granted, looking back, some of the emails I sent them were REALLY long). And that was really painful. So I've come to appreciate current T's boundaries (he also doesn't allow text unless just for scheduling and doesn't do unscheduled phone calls--ex-T and ex-MC both allowed those). And also that he'll let me know if email gets to be too much before he's hit the point of being really annoyed.

[Omers]

My T really dislikes email. It isn’t secure, it is impersonal and easily misinterpreted, he is a listener not a reader... and yet he is very accommodating about my use of email. I have to admit that this week I am proud of him for NOT replying (even though I keep checking and hoping). It has been an aweful week... but something is different in me. Normally I would be in total crisis... I’m not. I’m confused that I’m not. I have kept him up to date with all the aweful ness but let him know if I NEEDED him I would call. So far he has not replied. I know he is concerned given the content. I am sure he is wondering is she REALLY OK? But, he is choosing to trust me, to trust my testing my newly forming wings, trusting me to be honest with him about my needs. Granted it is a little different as I told him I didn’t need a reply (I would really like one... but I like pretty much as much attention from him as I can get so...).

[Lonelyinmyheart]

I struggled with immense pain for years when seeing a couple of therapists who sparodically replied to emails/texts. It caused so much friction and even a rupture with one of the ts.

Current T told me early on that she would always respond to me and she always has. The difference that has made to me is beyond description. We have an arrangement of how often I can contact her so that it is boundaried and safe. Now I totally trust that she will reply to me and it has led to a much more healing therapeutic relationship overall.

[Siennasays]

My T only allows email for schedule issues. I also don't think it's realistic to expect anyone, including Ts, to always reply to email. I don't deal with client emails when I'm off work. My home time is my time to focus and myself and my family. My work time is my time to focus on my work.

[TeaVicar?]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

Yes, M is easygoing with email, & is a sensitive, sometimes funny or touching , writer. He likes to write.

I just see some T's creating so much pain on the forum over this, and while I understand the complexities , there's an aspect to it that strikes me as precious and a little bit lazy even. Many of us cope with client email, and at least private practice T's should be able to incorporate reasonable email into their time management imo .

If a therapist is clear about their limits on email, it's not them creating the pain, it's our response to their boundaries that's painful.

On average, how many clients does a therapist have? If each client were to send a long debrief of the session, how much time and mental energy would it take to send a suitable, thoughtful response? This would be on top of seeing clients, writing up notes, admin and supervision.

The main problem with email or text is that the meaning and tone can be misinterpreted. This might happen in session too but it's easier to pick it up and discuss face to face.

Also, I feel as though there's something about tolerating the space between sessions and trying to deal/work with our stuff in that time. I've had big insights directly after a session and felt so frustrated that I had to wait a whole week to discuss it. Some of those things didn't need to be shared, sometimes I just needed to know about them.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by TeaVicar?

If a therapist is clear about their limits on email, it's not them creating the pain, it's our response to their boundaries that's painful.

On average, how many clients does a therapist have? If each client were to send a long debrief of the session, how much time and mental energy would it take to send a suitable, thoughtful response? This would be on top of seeing clients, writing up notes, admin and supervision.

The main problem with email or text is that the meaning and tone can be misinterpreted. This might happen in session too but it's easier to pick it up and discuss face to face.

Also, I feel as though there's something about tolerating the space between sessions and trying to deal/work with our stuff in that time. I've had big insights directly after a session and felt so frustrated that I had to wait a whole week to discuss it. Some of those things didn't need to be shared, sometimes I just needed to know about them.

As painful it has been that EMDR T doesn't do email, I agree with you. I totally respect and understand her reasoning it is hard because T and I emailed so much. When I feel the need to email I write a one to T and save it as a draft. I imagine her response and it helps to some degree

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by TeaVicar?

On average, how many clients does a therapist have? If each client were to send a long debrief of the session, how much time and mental energy would it take to send a suitable, thoughtful response? This would be on top of seeing clients, writing up notes, admin and supervision.

.

Therapists are no different than any other professional on this. Mds do email, lawyers do email, teachers do email, and so on. The idea that therapists are somehow super duper busy and unable to do what every other profession does in terms of time is simply ridiculous. Therapists are not busier than any other professional - and those other professionals manage to handle email. Therapists may be whinier or have somehow managed to convince some others that they are special - but I don't buy it at all. Their job is not that hard.
Further not every client of any professional is going to send a long email - seriously again just not a thing and it is a false argument. Some do, some don't - professionals manage to deal with it.
I don't think that any professional should check email on off hours. My syllabus tells students that I will respond within 48 hours. The therapist I hired had a 24 hour response "most of the time" on her website. The expectation of immediate response may be misplaced (on the part of anyone's client - my students, my own clients in my law practice, a therapist's, an md's and so on) but that doesn't equal not responding or them somehow being too busy to do so.

[Shotokan]

Originally Posted by Siennasays

My T only allows email for schedule issues. I also don't think it's realistic to expect anyone, including Ts, to always reply to email. I don't deal with client emails when I'm off work. My home time is my time to focus and myself and my family. My work time is my time to focus on my work.

THIS!


In my area, clinicians never give out their email address. As far as crisis situations occurring after hours, private practice patients get referred to the suicide and crisis center. The crisis center also does outreach if one needs to get to the emergency room.


My clinicians don't have time to return emails, they see patients back to back until they are ready to leave.

[sarahsweets]

I think if a therapist sets a precedent where they say emails are ok, then they need to hold their end of the bargain. You cant say its ok and then change things up and pick and choose when you want to deal with emails from clients. If a therapist says they do not do emails then the client should accept it. I do not think anyone in a professional relationship should be expected to respond to emails after hours, on weekends or whenever the client wants. But if they say its ok, or sometimes respond then they have set the guidelines and need to follow through with them.

[HD7970GHZ]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I think if a therapist sets a precedent where they say emails are ok, then they need to hold their end of the bargain. You cant say its ok and then change things up and pick and choose when you want to deal with emails from clients. If a therapist says they do not do emails then the client should accept it. I do not think anyone in a professional relationship should be expected to respond to emails after hours, on weekends or whenever the client wants. But if they say its ok, or sometimes respond then they have set the guidelines and need to follow through with them.

Well Said Sarahsweets! I agree with this, however, I would put in there the importance of parameters that can be put into place if something becomes too much. Like if a patient with sever attachment issues becomes overly dependent on therapists.


Thanks,
HD7970ghz

[Ifeelstupid]

I find this thread so interesting and reassuring. I have beat myself up repeatedly over being sad when an email is left hanging with no response. And I wouldn’t dare bring it up because I don’t want to be rejected. I know—my issues.

My old T let me text, email or call and he always responded, sometimes immediately, sometimes within 24-36 hours but he always did.
My current T does not give out his cell number and doesn’t always respond to emails. I think he reads them regularly but unless I clearly ask for a response, he won’t engage. During session, he is absolutely wonderful but in between, there’s very little support though if I said I was unsafe, he would immediately intervene.

It’s been a challenge to adjust and to not take personally. It’s just the way he does things.

[susannahsays]

I see your point. However, I personally feel like checking and responding to work emails when not at work is something that isn't positive about our culture. I know that you've said many times that therapists should be like everyone else and spend time outside work communicating with their clients, but I think it would be better for everybody to have stronger boundaries between work and their home lives.

I admit this is partially due to my own preferences. I hate email and I really don't like the feeling that I need to check it during my downtime. I had an office job for 8 years. I did in-house IT (inventory management, ordering and setup of all servers/computers/smartphones/etc., user accounts, stuff like that) and was also the admin for the executive director. My work/life balance sucked for a long time. Eventually, I worked out with my boss that she would text me if she really, really needed something when I was off work. I would not check or respond to emails when I was home.

If I were a therapist, I don't think I would be willing to deal with extensive client emails - especially if I didn't get paid for the time I spent on them. This would hold true if I were a doctor or a lawyer, as well. I think I would be fine with responding to emails if I had time between appointments, but that would probably make for inconsistent and sporadic replies.

I haven't had any dealings with lawyers, so I don't know what's typical for them, but the MDs I've seen don't provide the type of outside contact it seems like lots of people are looking for. Regular docs have increasingly had EMRs with a messaging feature, but they haven't even been the ones reading the messages - a nurse has. And the nurse is paid a salary and wasn't doing it during her free time. My previous psychiatrist had a work email she would respond to, but I think that was if I needed an urgent appointment. My current psychiatrist has EMR messaging and I've sent her messages before about minor things that didn't need an appointment. My sister's psychiatrists have never provided any way for her to directly contact them and that seems ridiculous to me. She can only go through receptionists. I don't think I would tolerate a situation like that.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I think if a therapist sets a precedent where they say emails are ok, then they need to hold their end of the bargain. You cant say its ok and then change things up and pick and choose when you want to deal with emails from clients. If a therapist says they do not do emails then the client should accept it. I do not think anyone in a professional relationship should be expected to respond to emails after hours, on weekends or whenever the client wants. But if they say its ok, or sometimes respond then they have set the guidelines and need to follow through with them.

I feel that your last line is what's most important--that if the T sets a certain policy, then they stick with it. I've seen too many instances on here where a T initially allowed and responded to email, then suddenly (and unilaterally, without discussing with the client) decided to stop responding or stop allowing emailing (or texting or other outside communication) at all.

I've mentioned this fear to my T before, and he said because he offered email, including responses, from when I started, he doesn't think it would be right to take it away. That he could potentially need to put more boundaries on it, like charging me if it became too frequent/long, but he'd never stop reading and replying.

He's also said that most of his clients don't use email at all (aside from scheduling), and those that do tend to use it differently from me--like maybe one long email every couple months. So it isn't like he's responding to all his clients all the time (as some on this thread have mentioned). I suspect it's that way for most T's who do outside contact--not all of their clients use it (an exception might be those who do DBT, as I think phone/text coaching is part of the model).

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Well Said Sarahsweets! I agree with this, however, I would put in there the importance of parameters that can be put into place if something becomes too much. Like if a patient with sever attachment issues becomes overly dependent on therapists.


Thanks,
HD7970ghz

I agree. Both my Ts told me if my outside contact became an issue they would tell me so not to worry (I still do). It dis at one point become a but of an issue at one point with T so we discussed it and came to an agreement. We didnt stop email I was just more mindful of my contact