What makes you feel safe?

Omers · Feb 21, 2020 at 03:07 PM

T and I tried a long time ago to come up with a safe place as part of trying EMDR. I couldn’t do it. Now T has been holding me and I am starting to have safe feelings in those moments. There are some things T and I want to try and I can return to our holding space if I need to but I am wanting that to be kinda only for emergency (?). I want a safe space that doesn’t require T. I am OK with a few symbols of T or reminders of him in this space but I want other things too and not him physically. Ideas? Where do you feel safe? What make you feel safe?

tikatikadoom · Feb 21, 2020 at 03:38 PM

I can't do the mental safe place either. For emdr specifically I mentally tap out before I even start feeling unsafe. My body just cools down and my mind wanders. I haven't ever broke through there.

For safe feelings in general I like silicone things (bracelets, ID card holders toys). King size fleece blanket. Movement (I think it makes me feel like I have the control to leave the situation). T has a line he over uses and sometimes it's stuck in my head, even though I think it's dumb sometimes it helps.

nottrustin · Feb 21, 2020 at 04:17 PM

I have struggled with this. For a while if I imagined being at the ocean I felt really safe. However, once I had flashbacks to when I was a child and almost drowned and my dad rescued me. While it all happened and at the tune my mom was a safe person, soon after, though, he became a not safe person. Now the ocean is no longer a safe place in therapy

Now the only thing that we use for me to feel safe is her voice in a soothing when when I am triggered.

blackocean · Feb 21, 2020 at 04:17 PM

maybe try to make a mood board or pinterest board for it

TrailRunner14 · Feb 21, 2020 at 04:42 PM

There is a room in my house that I made into a reading room. It has my favorite things in it and I feel safe and relaxed there. It feels like “my” space.

I use that place a lot to be mentally “safe” and I feel like it works for me because it’s a “real” place that I feel safe and calm in and it’s a place that is in the present time.

junkDNA · Feb 21, 2020 at 04:54 PM

Being in my bed under a million blankets with boby next to me and my box fan on

partyofone · Feb 21, 2020 at 05:31 PM

Point of information: Ts are allowed to hug us?
I feel so ignorant. I thought that was verboten.
I have trouble with the safe place too--unless I'm holdig the dog-tag I have as a charm on my purse, from my late lamented best-dog-in-the-world. (What am I saying? They're all th best dogs in the world.)

Omers · Feb 21, 2020 at 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by partyofone

Point of information: Ts are allowed to hug us?
I feel so ignorant. I thought that was verboten.
I have trouble with the safe place too--unless I'm holdig the dog-tag I have as a charm on my purse, from my late lamented best-dog-in-the-world. (What am I saying? They're all th best dogs in the world.)

Weather or not a T will hug a client depends a lot on the T and the setting. All of my T’s I have asked allowed a hug at the end of the session. My current T allows the most physical contact of any T I have worked with before. I know he does not offer all of his clients as much touch as he offers me and I know I am not the only client he offers this much touch to. Some of it is my history having come from profound neglect. Some is because he says he trusts me and I have good boundaries. He is very humanistic in his approach to therapy. We have also talked about touch a lot, the rules and boundaries about it,when it is OK, when it’s not OK, what happens if one of us breaks the rules or makes a mistake...

stopdog · Feb 21, 2020 at 08:04 PM

I never found a therapist to be safe. I don't feel unsafe in my own life for the most part, but I didn't find the therapist safe to be around.

TrailRunner14 · 08:26 PM

Sorry. My reply was posted twice.

nottrustin · Feb 21, 2020 at 08:35 PM

My other safe place is at home especially if my husband and children are there. I know that I am loved unconditionally and we all are protective and loving towards each other.

LabRat27 · Feb 22, 2020 at 05:30 AM

I sit on the floor with my knees against my chest and my arms around my legs, kinda like the fetal position. When things aren't that serious it's a relaxed position, when things get more difficult I curl in tighter and hide my head more. When I'm by myself and trying to feel safe I rock back and forth.

Omers · Feb 22, 2020 at 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LabRat27

I sit on the floor with my knees against my chest and my arms around my legs, kinda like the fetal position. When things aren't that serious it's a relaxed position, when things get more difficult I curl in tighter and hide my head more. When I'm by myself and trying to feel safe I rock back and forth.

Well, that is totally me!!! And, if I’m not rocking I prefer being in the corner.
My T seems to find this upsetting/disturbing... I find it bothersome that he doesn’t have any good corners... but when I said something he misunderstood and put a chair in the least offensive spot thereby blocking it. I didn’t have the heart to explain it to him.

LabRat27 · Feb 22, 2020 at 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Omers

Well, that is totally me!!! And, if I’m not rocking I prefer being in the corner.
My T seems to find this upsetting/disturbing... I find it bothersome that he doesn’t have any good corners... but when I said something he misunderstood and put a chair in the least offensive spot thereby blocking it. I didn’t have the heart to explain it to him.

My therapist is not a fan either. He doesn't like that it puts me well below eye level, creating distance between us. I told him "too bad." I've been sitting like this in session for well over a year now and he's still holding out hope that I'll be willing to sit in the chair.
I also have ADHD so sitting normally in a chair for an hour is just like. Not going to happen.

Omers · Feb 22, 2020 at 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LabRat27

My therapist is not a fan either. He doesn't like that it puts me well below eye level, creating distance between us. I told him "too bad." I've been sitting like this in session for well over a year now and he's still holding out hope that I'll be willing to sit in the chair.
I also have ADHD so sitting normally in a chair for an hour is just like. Not going to happen.

I haven’t been brave enough to sit like this with T, I wish I were. I know if I did T would sit on the floor with me. Now you have me thinking...

LabRat27 · Feb 22, 2020 at 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Omers

I haven’t been brave enough to sit like this with T, I wish I were. I know if I did T would sit on the floor with me. Now you have me thinking...

Ah, gotcha. I'm the opposite, I'll sit on the floor in front of my therapist but I don't rock in front of him.
I just walked in one day, announced that I was going to be sitting on the floor, and plopped down. I am in my 20s and my therapist is in his 60s so I don't fault him for not joining me on the floor.

Omers · Feb 22, 2020 at 10:56 AM

I’m in my 40’s but even in my 20’s I would not have been brave enough to do it. I have sat on the floor frequently with T but not that way, usually cross legged. T is in his 60’s as well but very active and was the first to initiate sitting on the floor.

LabRat27 · Feb 22, 2020 at 11:45 AM

What is it that holds you back from sitting that way if you would like to? I feel like the fact that I'm sitting on the floor in the first place is the "weird" thing, not how I sit on the floor. I think trying to sit cross legged on the floor would feel too exposed and vulnerable for me. Curling in on myself feels natural.
My therapist did also guess correctly that when I was young and things were not good that was sometimes how I sat in my room to comfort myself. In the corner on the floor.

Haha I forgot until now, the last time I was inpatient I wedged myself into the space under the sink to sit like that. Fun times. The first nurse who found me kept demanding that I come out and when I wouldn't she got my nurse who was much more understanding and just crouched down to talk to me for a bit without encroaching on my space and then let me stay there and finish crying.
Honestly that space was like the perfect shape for that, so I can't imagine I was the only one to ever do that there.

Omers · Feb 22, 2020 at 01:13 PM

What holds me back? Oddly the same thing keeping you from sitting cross legged. Cross legged I still look like I could be in control. The more hurt, vulnerable, afraid I am the stronger an alpha I become. Curled up I am protected from some things but I can’t see or defend myself.
Oddly, in high school I felt safe enough. I had “my” corner that I curled up in every morning. The teachers joked about putting a plaque up when I graduated dedicating the corner to me. ... but I healed a lot in high school and even more in college ... then I went to graduate school and got traumatized again and haven’t been able to make a comeback.
My two inpatient stints I needed up being unit mom... nurturing younger women there and counseling others my age seeing as they didn’t have any therapists.

coolibrarian · Feb 22, 2020 at 05:19 PM

I feel safe when I know my loved ones are safe. I also feel safe when I don't have to worry about finances.

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blackocean Member Member Since Aug 2018 Location: USA Posts: 244 5 28 hugs given	Feb 21, 2020 at 04:17 PM #4 maybe try to make a mood board or pinterest board for it
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junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Feb 21, 2020 at 04:54 PM #6 Being in my bed under a million blankets with boby next to me and my box fan on __________________
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TrailRunner14 Grand Magnate Member Since Feb 2016 Location: Mississippi Posts: 4,457 8 536 hugs given	Feb 21, 2020 at 08:24 PM #10 Sorry. My reply was posted twice. __________________ "What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning "Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning Last edited by TrailRunner14; Feb 21, 2020 at 08:26 PM.. Reason: Double post.
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Feb 21, 2020 at 08:35 PM #11 My other safe place is at home especially if my husband and children are there. I know that I am loved unconditionally and we all are protective and loving towards each other. __________________
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LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 05:30 AM #12 I sit on the floor with my knees against my chest and my arms around my legs, kinda like the fetal position. When things aren't that serious it's a relaxed position, when things get more difficult I curl in tighter and hide my head more. When I'm by myself and trying to feel safe I rock back and forth.
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coolibrarian Poohbah Member Since Feb 2014 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 1,302 10 1,041 hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 05:19 PM #20 I feel safe when I know my loved ones are safe. I also feel safe when I don't have to worry about finances. __________________ In a world where you can be anything, be kind. ;
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