Do you imagine your therapist in his/her family setting?

SarahSweden · Feb 21, 2020 at 04:20 PM

I´ve seen a counselor for some time and she have told me a little bit about herself, nothing big. I know she´s married and she has adult children. She has told me a little about her children and occasionally she has also mentioned her husband very briefly.

I though find it a bit hard imagining her in a family setting and it makes me wonder about what she does in the weekends for example. Perhaps this is the "classical" transference happening but it´s more of wondering about it, I´m not trying to find out things, googling her or something like that.

I´m though curious even if I actually don´t want to know more in detail about how she lives. I do wonder for example how her husband is, if they often meet with their children, how they spend their free time together.

Does anyone share my/similar thoughts?

I´m not referring to those knowing a lot about their therapists, sharing interests with them and so on as that´s a different situation from mine.

Yaowen · Feb 21, 2020 at 04:53 PM

I've had similar thoughts to the ones you describe, SarahSweden.

Omers · Feb 21, 2020 at 05:03 PM

Currently I know a lot about my T but I have had others that I did not know much about. I wondered a little, I spent more time imagining what it would be like to be with them. In knowing more about current T I long to be like him (enjoying life) more than with him.

nottrustin · Feb 21, 2020 at 08:40 PM

I do on occasion think about things like th is. I think about how she is as a mom.

tikatikadoom · Feb 21, 2020 at 09:43 PM

In my narrow experience with my one T, their home life is pretty boring! Of course I don't know what he truly does during his alone time, but he lives on campus and I see his comings and goings, etc as well as some activities at his house (not alone, as part of school groups, many of the on campus staff and teachers do it).

Everything I've seen is wicked normal. He's kind of a slob. He adores his kids. His wife makes good food. He's proud of his wife's cooking. He makes his kids use good table manners. He has ugly torn up slippers. He watches a lot of sports TV. He has a favorite chair. They fold laundry on the coffee table. They have Christmas cards from years ago on their fridge still. They play backyard sports on Sunday evenings when the weather is nice.

Basically boring boring dad stuff. I can see why people wonder though. It would be hard to only see your T one hour a week and then not know much else beyond that. I don't fully understand how a relationship can form like that and it makes me sad about graduating.

Feb 21, 2020 at 11:39 PM

My husband is a therapist. We just have a regular life. Fairly boring.
I see pictures of my therapist’s family on her facebook page. But I blocked her children so I cannot see their posts.

divine1966 · Feb 21, 2020 at 11:57 PM

Not really. Therapists don’t live differently than everyone else. Most people’s lives aren’t that exciting .

Lonelyinmyheart · Feb 22, 2020 at 07:49 AM

Yes. I find it painful though so try not to do it too often.

comrademoomoo · Feb 22, 2020 at 02:33 PM

I find the thought quite repugnant so I steer away from it.

ElectricManatee · Feb 22, 2020 at 03:24 PM

Yes, I wonder about this sort of thing. How does she spend her time? How does she interact with other people? Does she stay up late or go to bed early? etc. I'm a fairly curious person in general so I wonder these things about a lot of different people, but it's definitely most intense with my therapist since I see her regularly but don't know her on a personal level like that.

Omers · Feb 22, 2020 at 03:28 PM

My T’s life is “normal” for him I’m sure but it is nothing at all like my life and he has made that clear. My life is the not-so-normal one. Being able to see his life and fantasize about what a life like that (of my own, not joining his) would be like is a big part of our work currently.

nottrustin · Feb 22, 2020 at 04:57 PM

One area that I Often myself thinking about her is when I am in church. We are both Catholic and I know she attends avery week so I often wonder what her take away is from the weeks readings and homily.

I also k ow she brings her very active 4 tear old so I think back to when I brought my very active 4 year old. This is one thing we have discussed and I think I provided her some reassurance even though that was not the intention of the conversation.

coolibrarian · Feb 22, 2020 at 05:14 PM

I like to imagine T working in her garden.

SarahSweden · Feb 22, 2020 at 05:24 PM

Thanks. I can relate to that, my counsellor has four children but before I know that I got the impression that she lived on her own and she didn´t seem that "motherly". I don´t see her as a mother figure to me, especially as I don´t see her for therapy but I though wonder how she has managed so "many" children and what their now adult relationship is like.

Has your T told you anything about her kids or family in general?

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I do on occasion think about things like th is. I think about how she is as a mom.

SarahSweden · Feb 22, 2020 at 05:26 PM

Thanks. That´s an interesting perspective then as you say your husband is a therapist. I mean, many people on this forum seem to have similar thoughts about different aspects of their therapists´lives.

Does your husband share anything about your family life with his clients?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

My husband is a therapist. We just have a regular life. Fairly boring.
I see pictures of my therapist’s family on her facebook page. But I blocked her children so I cannot see their posts.

SarahSweden · Feb 22, 2020 at 05:29 PM

Thanks. I understand it can be painful, it´s easy to begin to think of some small aspect of a therapist´s life and then the thoughts expand more and more. Do you find it painful because you miss him/her between sessions or because of something else?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart

Yes. I find it painful though so try not to do it too often.

SarahSweden · Feb 22, 2020 at 05:29 PM

Thanks. Is it because of some specific reason you find it repugnant?

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

I find the thought quite repugnant so I steer away from it.

SarahSweden · Feb 22, 2020 at 05:35 PM

thanks. I can totally relate to what you write and that´s although my counselor do share things about herself. I know a bit about how she spends her time, she has told me where she lives, how many kids she has and so on. But you can´t get a picture of how she actually lives of course and if I really had the option to get such information I wouldn´t want it.

The thing about going to bed early or late, my thoughts often end in knowing my counselor begins working early in the morning, around 8 AM and then she probably goes to bed rather early in the evening. I know she has pets and by that I guess she interacts with other people around their common interest in that.

Have you ever asked your therapist straight out about something concerning her personal life or she perhaps tells you a bit about herself anyway?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

Yes, I wonder about this sort of thing. How does she spend her time? How does she interact with other people? Does she stay up late or go to bed early? etc. I'm a fairly curious person in general so I wonder these things about a lot of different people, but it's definitely most intense with my therapist since I see her regularly but don't know her on a personal level like that.

ElectricManatee · Feb 22, 2020 at 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

thanks. I can totally relate to what you write and that´s although my counselor do share things about herself. I know a bit about how she spends her time, she has told me where she lives, how many kids she has and so on. But you can´t get a picture of how she actually lives of course and if I really had the option to get such information I wouldn´t want it.

The thing about going to bed early or late, my thoughts often end in knowing my counselor begins working early in the morning, around 8 AM and then she probably goes to bed rather early in the evening. I know she has pets and by that I guess she interacts with other people around their common interest in that.

Have you ever asked your therapist straight out about something concerning her personal life or she perhaps tells you a bit about herself anyway?

Yes, over the years she has shared a decent amount about her personal life, that she's married and has two kids, two stepkids, two cats, and a dog. I know a little about her hobbies (gardening and painting, used to knit but doesn't now) and that she likes the show Queer Eye. She reads a lot and goes on walks and always seems to take on more things than she really has time for. I like knowing about her as a person. I think it would be interesting to see what she's like when she isn't in therapist mode. She is really good at helping me understand my life, but I bet she has blind spots and self-defeating habits in her own life, which is an idea I find fascinating. I have no idea what those blind spots are, though.

Feb 22, 2020 at 06:49 PM

I know very little about my therapist other than that she has a husband and at least one child. She volunteers almost nothing and though I like and respect her as a therapist, I have no interest in learning anything more. I believe I have been seeing her for two years. I only think of her in the therapy office. Unlike many of my past therapists, I think I have minimal to no transferance going on. That is refreshing and I actually find it helpful.

My psychiatrist? That's another story. I've known him for 14 years. I adore him. I still have a transferance love for him, but not as intensely as in the past. I know much more about him and have seen photos of his adult children and wife. I saw him in public with his wife at a university be lecture. I have run into my psychiatrist in public an oddly large number of times. We tend to "walk a similar path", so to speak, plus his office and former home is/was close to mine. I tend not to think of him with his wife. More with me.

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Yaowen Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2020 Location: USA Posts: 3,618 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,475 hugs given	Feb 21, 2020 at 04:53 PM #2 I've had similar thoughts to the ones you describe, SarahSweden.
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Feb 21, 2020 at 08:40 PM #4 I do on occasion think about things like th is. I think about how she is as a mom. __________________
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Anonymous47147 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 21, 2020 at 11:39 PM #6 My husband is a therapist. We just have a regular life. Fairly boring. I see pictures of my therapist’s family on her facebook page. But I blocked her children so I cannot see their posts.
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,375 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Feb 21, 2020 at 11:57 PM #7 Not really. Therapists don’t live differently than everyone else. Most people’s lives aren’t that exciting .
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Lonelyinmyheart Poohbah Member Since Jun 2019 Location: Earth Posts: 1,093 4 1,732 hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 07:49 AM #8 Yes. I find it painful though so try not to do it too often.
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comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,711 5	Feb 22, 2020 at 02:33 PM #9 I find the thought quite repugnant so I steer away from it.
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coolibrarian Poohbah Member Since Feb 2014 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 1,302 10 1,041 hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 05:14 PM #13 I like to imagine T working in her garden. __________________ In a world where you can be anything, be kind. ;
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