Couch 212: The French Vanilla couch

Seeing the new backup T, "A," in a little over an hour and kind of nervous and regretting it now. I'm not entirely sure what to talk about. I really wish the previous backup I saw, R, hadn't sold out to just see business executive clients... Dr. T even asked if she'd see me as a special favor to him, but she declined. His other usual backup is P, but D sees her now, so it would have been kind of a dual relationship (P agreed with this, and said she was sorry she couldn't act as a backup for me individually--which I suppose is a sign of good boundaries on her part!)


Just afraid I'll go in there and we'll just sit there looking awkwardly at each other. I don't get the sense Dr. T knows her too well as a T (she just rents space from him), as he didn't characterize her at all to me. I even had to track down her email address on my own. Me: "How should I get in touch with her?" Dr. T: "Email I guess?" Me: "Do you have her email address?" He kinda shrugged and said, "She probably has a website." Me: "Probably?" Meanwhile, with the other two backups (I didn't use P, but he'd given me her name), he'd given me the business card of one and wrote the contact info of the other on the back. So, we'll see...

He'd asked if I wanted to see one of the other T's I'd seen before, to see someone I know. But I didn't feel welcome back to see M, and with K, she didn't email me back when I asked her a question about if she or someone in her office could see D...(before we started seeing P). Plus, I didn't say this to Dr. T, but I'd mostly seen K to complain about Dr. T, and she doesn't have a particularly good opinion of him, so I didn't really want to get that from her. (Like, she was very open and clear about her opinions.) Obviously ex-MC and ex-T aren't options (I imagine ex-T would be willing to see me, but...l).

The good thing is, there are an excessive number of T's in my area!

Here's another of my recent creations:

I hope it goes well, LT!

Also trying to figure out my dream last night where Dr. T mailed me this package before he left. It included a note to me (I forget what it said), plus a whole bunch of photos, presumably of family and friends of his? I think he was in a couple, as was his son (he has a pic of him in his office). And his wife was in a couple, but the rest were random people with no notes about who they were. What's weird is he included a photo of his son's bronzed baby shoes, which I was really touched by (in the dream) because it seemed so personal. Even weirder, I realized one of the photos was taken in my late grandfather's house (who lived a state away and passed away 15 years ago).


Amusingly, the other thing he included was some cut and pasted recipes, with the heading "What I'm going to cook on our trip." They were all grilled things, so I was like, "Aha, he must have a grill where he is!" Mostly meat, too (I'm vegetarian). So, yeah...not sure what *that* was all about.

LT, Do you realize how confusing your therapist collection is? Is it as confusing on your end as it is to read?

Thanks, Art! Love the paintings! I did another Paint Nite thing on Sunday, suppose I could share my results here... (let's see if I can get this to work--covered my signature with index card because I use my name, not just initials!)

Yup. On the university’s dime at least.

Yes, Lemon, there was something I could eat (rosemary chicken with potatoes). Thanks for worrying!

And now I just have to take the candidate to the local arboretum after I give an exam to my class.

It would probably help if I used something other than initials for them! (Though I can't use first initials for ex-MC and Dr. T because they have the same one--different names though). Like @@'s collection has memorable names--maybe I need to work on that!

I can keep them straight in my head though! I even saw some in the more distant past that I can recall, though none were as memorable as the current and recent ones...

ETA: Perhaps I should create some sort of visual, like a chart or T family tree...

Our wedding?!?

I always thought you and @@ were the dream team. I've always just been the flirty summer fling who comes in and out to stir up trouble.

She's Wills and I'm Waity AT-ie AT-ie.

My take- It's all about connection and it makes sense given that he's away on his break.

Wow.

It's honestly lovely.

How long have you been learning?

New french vocab:

résilience = resilience
vertu = virtue
loyale = loyal
Starfleet = Starfleet
l'augmentation = augmentation

How was the session with A ?

I could actually follow with the letters.

You guys are talented.

I am nervous about therapy tomorrow. I don't know how to react if she says we can't work together any more. I don't like not knowing what I am going to be presented with in the session - will we begin to repair something or will it be the end of our work? Therapy is painful and very odd.

He recognized a diamond when he saw one. Hope una O ain't so blind.... ( You had me with the latin poems ).

I read your thread.

You have as much power as she does, though I do understand the imbalance. Do you still want to try to repair things?

Hmm, as I wrote my post I realised how powerless I sounded which is a pretty pathetic position to assign to myself. I don't know if I want to repair things. I want the time to process what happened and to work out if I want to repair things, that will take me some time. I don't want her to take that possibility away by terminating. Actually - that is a key thing for me to say to her tomorrow, thank you for helping me reflect.

It was pretty good, ended up just talking about the ups and downs of my relationship with Dr. T and fears that he’ll go back to how he was before I came back. I think I actually made her cry a couple times—is that worth some sort of bonus points if it’s my first time there? I was crying a bit at times, too. She was nice, warmer than I’d expected from her profile. Kinda curious as to what she thinks about Dr. T now...she took some notes, told me she’d be willing to see me again when he’s away.