Terminated Again

I wrote a thread a while back about how I got terminated by my therapist. She crossed all sorts of boundaries with me.

In the end we decided to give it another go working together but recently had another big rupture and she has terminated with me again. This time she won’t allow me a final session and she’s blocked me so I can’t contact her.

I went round her house tonight to try and sort things (I go round her house regularly so shouldn’t have been a problem). Her husband answered the door and wouldn’t let me speak to her. He threatened me with the police because I “won’t leave her alone”. I asked for a closure session, I deserve that much. All I wanted was 10 minutes of her time to talk about things. My therapist has told me her husband has mental health issues at the moment and some of the things he’s done to her have been pretty bad, so for him to stand there and judge me was a joke. He was really mean to me when all I want is some closure, he told me he’s been reading all my texts to her. I obviously will never contact them again and will have to just cope on my own. I just left when I realised I wasn’t going to get anywhere.

This time round I’m really struggling. I don’t know how to cope with this. I had a panic attack earlier. I’ve referred myself to get counselling through the NHS as they’ll have airtight boundaries. I’m absolutely devastated and don’t know what to do to feel better. I think I just need to talk to someone and with a bit of time I know I’ll get through it. I consider myself to be quite mentally resilient due to what I’ve been through but for now it’s really tough.

I just want to be clear with a regular therapist, I would never go to their house. I got terminated by a therapist a couple of years ago and I just let it go and moved on. This time it’s so much harder because I was close friends with this therapist. We used to speak every day so it’s really hard for me to let go. I miss her so much and I’m so frustrated that I can’t even say goodbye to her. I wish I’d never gone back to her after she’d terminated me initially. I was just starting to cope without her until she reeled me back in and now I’m back at square 1. I didn’t ask her to work with me again after the first time she terminated me, I had a closure session and she said “shall we try again” so I did. At that point she was offering me as many closure sessions as I needed so I don’t get what’s changed and why this time I can’t even have one.

I'm sorry. That sounds so painful. Her husband was reading your texts to her? That's really unprofessional of her to let him do that. It's probably unethical too. I do think in time you will be better off with someone else but I know how devastating it can be to lose a T. HUG if you want one, Kit

In the US providers allowing others access to information is a HIPAA violation. You might want to check into that.

I am sorry that you went through all of that. I hope you find a much better therapist.

Do you have abandonment/rejection experiences in your past that this could be triggering? Doesn't make it any easier, because if that's true then the old ones aren't healed either. But. . .something you can talk about with the NHS counselor when you get one, maybe?

Sorry you're feeling so devastated, but it sounds like you have some knowledge or good ideas of what will help -- talking to people and time. Posting on here has certainly helped me get through things.

It's really sad what this therapist has done. Reeling you back in just to dump you again. I wish there were some words and a clear understanding by the profession of just how awful this can be for people.

It sounds as if you’re in desperate need of airtight boundaries. This therapist should be reported. Her husband is reading your text messages? That’s a clear-cut violation right there. I’m sorry you’re going through hell, but try and hang on until you can find a true professional.

Hugs, i'm so sorry you got terminated. I hope they can help you at NHS. I think your t should of let you have a closure session. Hugs

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I remember the situation with your therapist when you posted about it before and it sounded incredibly unethical and toxic even though you were clearly getting a lot out of it emotionally. This so called therapist has a huge amount of issues and has abused you, plain and simple. She could have realised her behaviour was harmful when you had the closure session but instead she chose to reel you back in and further abuse and exploit you. It's a terrible situation and if you feel able to report her to BACP I think it would be a good idea to do so.

It must be horrendously painful especially when you start with a T who will have, as you say, watertight boundaries. This is a good thing but it will be very painful and difficult to cope with when you miss the emotional closeness and intensity of the arrangement you had with this other woman. To be honest I think the only solution is time and remaining resilient in your desire to move forward. Being able to talk to a new T about your feelings may help you with this. Making a complaint later on may do too.

Since she blocked you, it was wrong to go to her house. Her husband is trying to protect her. I doubt he was judging you. He probably told you what she wanted him to tell you.

Is this the same terrible therapist who came to your house and napped on your bed?

Saying that it’s not a good idea to show up to peoples houses after they blocked you. Simply because they might cause you problems by calling law enforcement. I agree with the other poster that her husband likely didn’t judge you. If someone I blocked showed up at my house, my husband would warn them too. Not because he’d judge but because of my safety

You might want to report her, not for terminating you if not wanting to see you but for doing all these weird things she did.

This sounds very painful and confusing for you. I commented on your previous thread about seeking advice from Ask Kathleen so I would like to remind you that they continue to be there to support you.

It sounds to me like you are trying to make sense of a complicated and harmful situation. Going to her house sounds like a search for the truth, looking for something known and stable. Unfortunately, she is not stable and it will be impossible for you to try and instill order into her mess. This is her mess, not yours. The horrible pain is that you are left dealing with the aftermath of her chaos.

It is probably for the best that you don't have a closure session if the last time when you had a "closure" session, she sucked you back in.

Boundary issues all the way around. I'm sorry she is such an incompetent and unstable therapist, but you are probably better off in the long run without this therapist.