Video sessions

GeminiNZ · Mar 23, 2020 at 09:23 PM

New Zealand is going into complete lockdown for four weeks (except for essential services/workers) in just over 24hrs time so i'll be joining the therapy-via-zoom club. T and i talked about it last week and have email contact between sessions so at least i'm not going into it cold without any discussion or preparation. will still be weird though, as we've never done a video session before. we've also talked about switching to phone sessions if i don't like zoom-ing, but i wanted to give it a go as i like the idea of T and i still being able to see each other. no touch though, which i know i'll struggle with.

trying to focus on the positives in at least being able to maintain weekly sessions - i really need that as i'm in isolation all by myself for the four weeks.

velcro003 · Mar 23, 2020 at 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

"When you are sitting in a therapist’s office, there is a certain indescribable connection that happens. It’s a mutual sharing of subtle personal, emotional and behavioral cues and expressions. Back-and-forth, the therapist and client read each other’s reactions to things. When two people are physically in the same room, there is an energy that passes between them. There is a rich, complex subtext to every sentence. There is a meaning to every subtle twitch of the corner of the mouth or eyebrow; a slight shift in position, a tremor of the foot. There is a feeling of understanding and a connection; a joining of the minds, a linking of thought, feeling and behavior that is largely unconscious, but which can be almost tangible. It’s a synergy that is difficult to put into words but which, I think, is very useful to the healing process."

I saved this passage from an articled I read a few years ago. It holds true for me even now. Video sessions lose the connection I had with him. I do not believe actual real therapy is happening through video. He is and other therapist claim you can do EMDR through video. Sorry that would never work for me. Of course i am not going to give up talking to him once a week as that would be foolish but the stress of not being with him in person is making everything else feel worse.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I had mine today. It was incredibly uncomfortable and distracting. My cat was giving me an evil look the whole time. I’d rather not do therapy at all.

yeah, this is what I am afraid of. I still can't decide if I want to try video, or do a phone/walk session. I find it easier to stay silent on the phone, but video might be very difficult for me.

SheHulk07 · Mar 24, 2020 at 01:37 AM

I'm doing my first Zoom meeting with T2 on Wednesday and T1 on Friday. Never done either so it should be interesting since I'm not super close to either yet. I've done teletherapy at the psych hospital this week for a few minutes and did it with my pdoc last month but it was at his office and weird.
Not sure if I'll have the kids this week, so that will determine how it works. Because how the heck do you occupy 4 kids for an hour so they don't interrupt? Guess they can "meet" my kids.

SlumberKitty · Mar 24, 2020 at 09:30 AM

I had a Skype session with Pastor T last night. Like others have said seeing myself was distracting but since it's on my phone a post it note isn't too practical. I just tried to focus on him, although it was funny when he dropped his pen and was therefore out of sight for a bit while he fumbled around trying to find it. We kept the session a little lighter since it wasn't private. I was in the dining room and my parents were in the living room but I still felt pretty connected to him. Maybe 75% connected, compared to 85% connected to him in session. So that's not bad. It was good to "see" him and since we don't do touch anyway that didn't matter. With phone sessions I tend just to get quiet but with video I talk more. He basically said I was doing well and we had a six month check in to see if I was doing better than six months ago. I think so and I told him the things that I think had helped. It was a good session I think for being video.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 26, 2020 at 12:46 PM

Does anyone feel safer asking a T a question or sharing something than they are in person? Something came up today that led me to ask Dr. T something I'd been wondering for a long time about his professional life, and I think I felt more able to ask it because it was over video. And he answered, which I wasn't expecting him to, and we talked about it a bit. I wonder if he felt more able to talk about it in this format, too, or if he would have said exactly the same thing if I'd been sitting in his office? I think I also felt safer saying to him yesterday about how I was scared about him dying.

The question I asked today was

Possible trigger:

if he'd ever lost a client, as in, to SU. He said yes, that there were a couple cases where it wasn't entirely certain it was that, and a couple where it was. It surprised me. And he talked a little about what it can be like to be concerned about that from a T's perspective, which sort of gave me more insight both into him and what it can be like to be on that side of the proverbial couch. I think maybe it helps me also understand his reaction in August better, the rupture that led to me terminating.

ScarletPimpernel · Mar 27, 2020 at 06:31 PM

I made it through a whole session with video up! That was so stressful, but I desperately needed to see her. I miss her so so much. I need as much connection to her as I can.

Amyjay · Mar 27, 2020 at 08:07 PM

I don't like the zoom sessions, but find it the best of a bad bunch of options in this particular circumstance. T is new to online sessions too so there is adjusting to do on both ends. I went into the first session with the expectation that it would be weird and likely not very connected. That was true, and we ended early. I was okay with that, there was nothing more I wanted for the session.
Going forward I know it isn't going to be the same as face to face therapy - it just can't be. But I hope to be able to keep the connection between us and keep up the momentum on some important work we were doing leading up to this.
The whole situation sucks. But so does COVID-19. There isn't any other way through this than through it.

ElectricManatee · Mar 27, 2020 at 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Does anyone feel safer asking a T a question or sharing something than they are in person? Something came up today that led me to ask Dr. T something I'd been wondering for a long time about his professional life, and I think I felt more able to ask it because it was over video. And he answered, which I wasn't expecting him to, and we talked about it a bit. I wonder if he felt more able to talk about it in this format, too, or if he would have said exactly the same thing if I'd been sitting in his office? I think I also felt safer saying to him yesterday about how I was scared about him dying.

The question I asked today was

Possible trigger:

if he'd ever lost a client, as in, to SU. He said yes, that there were a couple cases where it wasn't entirely certain it was that, and a couple where it was. It surprised me. And he talked a little about what it can be like to be concerned about that from a T's perspective, which sort of gave me more insight both into him and what it can be like to be on that side of the proverbial couch. I think maybe it helps me also understand his reaction in August better, the rupture that led to me terminating.

So far my main T seems to be doing a bit more self-disclosure during teletherapy sessions. I'm not sure if it's the format or if she is trying to be somewhat genuine about her reactions since we're all in this together. In other words, it would be a little gaslighty to pretend that none of this is affecting her at all when we all know it's affecting almost everybody. I have asked her at least once how she is doing, so the information is not necessarily unwanted.

I asked her once about the thing you put under the trigger, but she declined to answer. I think it seemed too complicated to get into, regardless of what the answer is. That honestly intrigued me more, but I bet I will never know.

GeminiNZ · Mar 29, 2020 at 02:06 AM

Zoom was too glitchy so we had to switch to FaceTime, but other than that hiccup the session went great. it surprised me how easily i was able to talk and feel the connection with T and open up stuff that i thought would be too hard while we're apart. it still sucked that we weren't in the same room, and the lack of touch was hideous (we use it quite a lot), but it was such a relief that the session went as well as it did. i don't feel so worried about my therapy falling apart while we're in lockdown now.

Echos Myron redux · Mar 29, 2020 at 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

So far my main T seems to be doing a bit more self-disclosure during teletherapy sessions. I'm not sure if it's the format or if she is trying to be somewhat genuine about her reactions since we're all in this together. In other words, it would be a little gaslighty to pretend that none of this is affecting her at all when we all know it's affecting almost everybody. I have asked her at least once how she is doing, so the information is not necessarily unwanted.

I asked her once about the thing you put under the trigger, but she declined to answer. I think it seemed too complicated to get into, regardless of what the answer is. That honestly intrigued me more, but I bet I will never know.

I'm having the exact same experience with my therapist. I'm not sure about it, and I am finding myself somewhat frustrated and disconnected. We are still finding our feet with all of this. Him and me.

Merope · Mar 30, 2020 at 08:38 AM

Have my first skype session this week...I'm looking forward to seeing T but I know it won't be the same as face to face therapy. Somebody on here posted something about body language and communication when in the same room...I think that is what I will miss the most. I'm terrified of the connection being bad, of him being blurry on screen, or skype failing somehow. I worry that we won't be able to connect. But I am also grateful that I have this option and that I sort of have the opportunity to "see him". Who knows, maybe I'll get to see a little bit of his house. Maybe it will be better than I think it will. I remember thinking I wanted to try skype with him once...it's too bad it happens to be in such horrible circumstances.

I'm also trying to remind myself that this is temporary. We can't be in lockdown forever, right (I'm in the UK)? We will eventually go back to normal, face to face sessions, right?

Now...which part of my house do I want him to see? What the heck do I wear? I'll definitely be removing my face from the screen. this is so stressful.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 30, 2020 at 09:07 AM

I hope it goes well, Merope. I've now had video sessions in a couple different rooms at different angles. During one, I was mentioning this industrial-looking air filter I'd bought, and Dr. T was like, "Can I see?" so I turned my camera toward it. He was also able to see some of my D's "artwork" on the walls (her drawing with crayon or marker right on the walls), and he commented on it with a smile, saying it was some abstract art. So he's seeing a bit of the environment I live in, which is both good and bad in a way, I think. I worry about him seeing some of the mess or our piles of laundry (I meet in our bedroom if D is home, because it has a door I can close) and judging, but I've already told him I'm a slob. It's...interesting. So far he's been conducting sessions from his office, but if he switches to his house, I worry how that will be, too, partly due to the different setting, but also if I was somehow able to hear his wife or son say something in the background.

LostOnTheTrail · Mar 30, 2020 at 09:08 AM

Merope,

I get it. We can't be in lockdown forever...I hope.
It'll take a while, but some 'normal' will resume.
As far as what to wear - make sure you are comfortable...that's all I'd say.

Take care,

Lost

Mountaindewed · Mar 30, 2020 at 01:15 PM

The second session was much better. I tried the paper thing but the whole thing went dark. But it was ok today. Her side was really bright unlike last time. Maybe that had something to do with it.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 30, 2020 at 02:01 PM

There were some internet connection issues with my session with Dr. T today, where it never fully disconnected, but cut out at awkward times, like he apologized the one time saying I needed to repeat the last 15 seconds of an important thing I was sharing. It also got weird, like briefly freezing up a few times, near the end of session, so I was uncertain if he was hearing everything. So, definite disadvantage of this mode of meeting... Still had a helpful, though very emotional, session.

Question: Does anyone notice that their T yawns more (or yawns at all, if they don't normally) during video sessions? Mine very rarely yawns during in-person sessions, but I've noticed he tends to yawn once or twice (twice today at least) during video. I just try to ignore it, but wonder if there's something about having someone in the room in front of you that can help repress that impulse. Or something about staring at a screen that makes it happen more? (For whatever reason, I'm not a particularly big yawner, so I can't really base it on my personal experiences!)

Rive. · Mar 31, 2020 at 01:18 AM

Nope, I didn't notice my T yawn during video sessions, nor while we were doing in person.

Maybe your T had a rough night or day (depending on your session time)? Or is overextending himself more generally?

How did that make you feel though, seeing him yawn more often within your session?

LonesomeTonight · Mar 31, 2020 at 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rive.

Nope, I didn't notice my T yawn during video sessions, nor while we were doing in person.

Maybe your T had a rough night or day (depending on your session time)? Or is overextending himself more generally?

How did that make you feel though, seeing him yawn more often within your session?

Thanks for your reply. I tend to write any therapist yawning off as not having to do with me, but it did bother me a little bit yesterday for some reason. I guess I felt I was just sort of rambling on with my laments about things and worried I was boring him. Also because I figure every client right now is talking to him about how much Covid and the restrictions suck and their fears about the virus. When at other times, what each client is talking about is probably more unique.

But I also think it may be that, in person, I have other body language signals that he's paying attention and engaged, where on video, I can just see his head and upper chest, plus at times his hands because he tends to stroke/play with his beard a lot, or just rest his chin on his hand.

At least he generally tries to conceal any yawns. I think of a time when we were in session with ex-MC, and he had this big, loud exaggerated yawn in the middle of me talking (and I don't think it was to make a point, I think he was just being rude, like when he'd cough a bunch without covering his mouth).

Merope · Apr 01, 2020 at 03:06 AM

I have a question about video quality...do you guys think that using 4g for Skype would be better than using wifi? I live with lots of people who will be using the wifi at the same time. Has anyone experimented with this?

Mountaindewed · Apr 01, 2020 at 05:54 AM

I am supposed to have a video chat session with my Pdoc tomorrow. No tea, no shade, no pink lemonade, but there is no way in hell I am going to do that. I will reschedule until as long as possible.

LonesomeTonight · Apr 01, 2020 at 06:40 AM

I'll be "meeting" with my T at his home office this morning for the first time in a half session/check-in (other sessions he held from his regular office). Wondering how that might affect things for me. Also wondering if he'll be dressed more casually (for some reason, I keep picturing him in his bathrobe or PJs, but obviously he wouldn't be wearing either of those). Will report back.

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ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,407 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,413 hugs given	Mar 27, 2020 at 06:31 PM #46 I made it through a whole session with video up! That was so stressful, but I desperately needed to see her. I miss her so so much. I need as much connection to her as I can. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,174 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,753 hugs given	Mar 30, 2020 at 01:15 PM #54 The second session was much better. I tried the paper thing but the whole thing went dark. But it was ok today. Her side was really bright unlike last time. Maybe that had something to do with it. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,013 10	Mar 31, 2020 at 01:18 AM #56 Nope, I didn't notice my T yawn during video sessions, nor while we were doing in person. Maybe your T had a rough night or day (depending on your session time)? Or is overextending himself more generally? How did that make you feel though, seeing him yawn more often within your session?
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Merope Veteran Member Member Since Jan 2018 Location: Somewhere in a cloud Posts: 719 6 479 hugs given	Apr 01, 2020 at 03:06 AM #58 I have a question about video quality...do you guys think that using 4g for Skype would be better than using wifi? I live with lots of people who will be using the wifi at the same time. Has anyone experimented with this?
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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,174 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,753 hugs given	Apr 01, 2020 at 05:54 AM #59 I am supposed to have a video chat session with my Pdoc tomorrow. No tea, no shade, no pink lemonade, but there is no way in hell I am going to do that. I will reschedule until as long as possible. __________________ Ridin' with Biden
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