Video sessions

Flinders40 · Mar 17, 2020 at 09:25 AM

Is anyone else totally freaked out about them? I absolutely loathe them. I was supposed to see my T at noon today and she just emailed saying she’s switching to Zoom until further notice. I can’t do it. Mainly because there’s no privacy in my house. I’d rather text at this point. So frustrated.

ScarletPimpernel · Mar 17, 2020 at 09:30 AM

I hate video too. I'm going to have to get over it because I really want to see her even if it's only over video.

pbutton · Mar 17, 2020 at 10:47 AM

Same. Dreading it and want to cancel. But also don't want to cancel. Barf.

Mar 17, 2020 at 11:27 AM

Phone call only!

Flinders40 · Mar 17, 2020 at 12:14 PM

When I refused video session I just figured that would be it for awhile, but at noon she called me .... so weird. I almost didn’t answer. However, we ended up talking for an hour - strangely I found it easier to tell her things ... I think it’s because I didn’t have to look at her...

ScarletPimpernel · Mar 17, 2020 at 12:31 PM

I find talking to L easier on the phone too. I also think it's because she's not looking at me and I'm not looking at her. We usually get a lot done in 15-20mins than a 45min session. I also find her voice extremely soothing. But I still prefer in person.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 17, 2020 at 02:06 PM

I talked (in person) to T about this today. He said he vastly prefers in person because it's much more difficult for him to lose focus. On video, it's considerably more likely, but the client can also see him, so they could comment if he seemed to be. But on the phone, he says he'll suddenly realize he opened the email on his laptop, then has to close down his laptop to keep focusing. I said I understood because I've found myself doing the same thing if on the phone with my mom, say (who's the only person I regularly talk to at any length on the phone anymore, aside from brief calls from my H like "what do we need at the store?" Everyone else is texting/messaging/email). So that made sense.

I did ask him that if we tried doing video and it felt weird to me (I said it would feel like he was in my house), could we switch to phone? And he said yes, but gave the warning about greater distractibility. Just something to consider.

comrademoomoo · Mar 17, 2020 at 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I talked (in person) to T about this today. He said he vastly prefers in person because it's much more difficult for him to lose focus. On video, it's considerably more likely, but the client can also see him, so they could comment if he seemed to be. But on the phone, he says he'll suddenly realize he opened the email on his laptop, then has to close down his laptop to keep focusing. I said I understood because I've found myself doing the same thing if on the phone with my mom, say (who's the only person I regularly talk to at any length on the phone anymore, aside from brief calls from my H like "what do we need at the store?" Everyone else is texting/messaging/email). So that made sense.

I did ask him that if we tried doing video and it felt weird to me (I said it would feel like he was in my house), could we switch to phone? And he said yes, but gave the warning about greater distractibility. Just something to consider.

His approach sounds borderline unprofessional and definitely sloppy regarding remote sessions. It is not a client's responsibility to alert him to the fact that he is losing focus. Nor is it appropriate for him to be on his laptop whilst also on the phone to a client. Does he use his laptop in session whilst he is speaking to you face-to-face? I assume not, so why would he do so during a phone session? I hear you being accepting by empathising that you do similar things with your mother, but you speaking to your mother is categorically different to him speaking to a client. These kinds of comments would have pissed me off royally.

comrademoomoo · Mar 17, 2020 at 03:30 PM

I have a video session planned tomorrow. My biggest concern is choosing my most impressive water glass from which to drink. Oh and whether I should allow my cat in the room - mainly to prove to her that my cat is better than hers.

LonesomeTonight · Mar 17, 2020 at 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

His approach sounds borderline unprofessional and definitely sloppy regarding remote sessions. It is not a client's responsibility to alert him to the fact that he is losing focus. Nor is it appropriate for him to be on his laptop whilst also on the phone to a client. Does he use his laptop in session whilst he is speaking to you face-to-face? I assume not, so why would he do so during a phone session? I hear you being accepting by empathising that you do similar things with your mother, but you speaking to your mother is categorically different to him speaking to a client. These kinds of comments would have pissed me off royally.

Yeah, it did bother me some. Because I feel like now if I do have a video session with him, I'll be paying attention to whether he's...paying attention. He's generally very focused and attentive during sessions, though there are occasions, like last session, where he's been like, "Oh you just reminded me of something, I need to write it down really quickly so I don't forget." Which I'm like, "OK" but still a bit frustrating. I know it's not something about me, it's like "Get milk on the way home."

I think this is one of those cases where he's talking to me more like a friend than a client for a moment. He said early on in my seeing him that he has some long-term clients where he becomes more relaxed and familiar with them and sometimes has to suddenly remind himself during session that he's talking to them as a therapist, not a friend. Sometimes I think he's a bit too open about his shortcomings...

comrademoomoo · Mar 17, 2020 at 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Yeah, it did bother me some. Because I feel like now if I do have a video session with him, I'll be paying attention to whether he's...paying attention. He's generally very focused and attentive during sessions, though there are occasions, like last session, where he's been like, "Oh you just reminded me of something, I need to write it down really quickly so I don't forget." Which I'm like, "OK" but still a bit frustrating. I know it's not something about me, it's like "Get milk on the way home."

I think this is one of those cases where he's talking to me more like a friend than a client for a moment. He said early on in my seeing him that he has some long-term clients where he becomes more relaxed and familiar with them and sometimes has to suddenly remind himself during session that he's talking to them as a therapist, not a friend. Sometimes I think he's a bit too open about his shortcomings...

I know something of that "talking to me as a non-client" mode. It is a double edge sword: oooo, we are relating as something other than professional AND ouch this is difficult because we are relating as something other than professional. I would also be vigilant about his attention during a potential video session. Is it worth raising this with him or are these relational matters all rabbit holes which are endless and exhausting? I don't know the answer for myself.

TeaVicar? · Mar 17, 2020 at 06:02 PM

yeah, what is it about video that is so weird and uncomfortable? where and how do you position the camera?! I would be tempted to curate the background, to make myself look more interesting. I said no to video for the moment... but I'm not sure that's sustainable long term.

ArtleyWilkins · Mar 17, 2020 at 07:37 PM

Most therapists have never done this before. Patience during this adjustment period is needed.

As a public school teacher who has just been told we may be fully online for the rest of the year, I know I won't get it completely right at first. I'm going to make mistakes. The technology won't work quite how I want it. I won't foresee certain problems that will creep up. I am asking for patience and a bit of grace from my parents and students as we ALL adjust to the new abnormal.

I doubt it is any different for any therapist, doctor, professional of any sort that has suddenly been thrown into this bizarre set of circumstances.

Omers · Mar 17, 2020 at 07:51 PM

Yep, have not gotten the courage to do video as of yet. We have done phone and it is very hard for me to open up.

JaneTennison1 · Mar 17, 2020 at 08:03 PM

I did my first video session today with EMDR T, previously I have done phone calls. I didn't mind it, I mean it wasn't great or anything but I left it feeling better.

velcro003 · Mar 17, 2020 at 09:18 PM

I talked to my T today on the phone, and that was different enough. We might do video in the future, but we both agree it is not ideal.

sophiebunny · Mar 17, 2020 at 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

I have a video session planned tomorrow. My biggest concern is choosing my most impressive water glass from which to drink. Oh and whether I should allow my cat in the room - mainly to prove to her that my cat is better than hers.

Definitely allow your cat! I have a tele session Thursday. My therapist is quarantined. I can't say I'm looking forward to it. However, I took a teleclass with my rabbi on Monday and it wasn't so bad. Maybe I'll get used to teletherapy also. It will be far more difficult to really do any serious work but just not losing continuity will be important for me. If I got out of the routine of therapy it would be hard for me to reestablish a connection again when she's back in the office.

You'll be looking for the perfect water glass, I'll be looking for my biggest tea mug.

Flinders40 · Mar 18, 2020 at 07:17 AM

For me it’s trying to figure out where to have the video session. Someone mentioned how they didn’t want therapist “in their home.” I totally get that - it’s a new dynamic. I already see my T in her home office so I’m used to being in her home per say. I live in a loft in NYC with my husband so there’s not much privacy - I’m still going to work - but hesitant to hold a session there because I work at an extremely high-profile news organization.
Maybe my car? An outdoor park? Urgh, this is so annoying and it’s just the beginning....

zoiecat · Mar 18, 2020 at 06:23 PM

Jane...How did you do EMDR over video? I usually do the hand buzzers and I like to do EMDR with my eyes closed. My T said we will still do EMDR but will have to do it with him waiving his fingers across the screen (UGH) or I would have to watch a light go back and forth using a YouTube video. With this option I would have to stop it myself or I don't know what. None of these options seem good to me.

How did it work for you?

Quietmind 2 · Mar 19, 2020 at 01:03 AM

Video isn't an option for me because I don't have enough privacy where I live. I don't have a car so I can't have a video call there. When we had phone calls, we kept it to 15 minutes or so because I had to be outdoors to take the call.

I'll want face to face sessions as long as possible.

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Flinders40 Member Member Since Jun 2018 Location: New York City Posts: 210 5 4 hugs given	Mar 17, 2020 at 09:25 AM #1 Is anyone else totally freaked out about them? I absolutely loathe them. I was supposed to see my T at noon today and she just emailed saying she’s switching to Zoom until further notice. I can’t do it. Mainly because there’s no privacy in my house. I’d rather text at this point. So frustrated.
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ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,406 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,401 hugs given	Mar 17, 2020 at 09:30 AM #2 I hate video too. I'm going to have to get over it because I really want to see her even if it's only over video. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
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pbutton Oh noes! Member Since Jul 2011 Location: in a house Posts: 4,485 12 6,819 hugs given	Mar 17, 2020 at 10:47 AM #3 Same. Dreading it and want to cancel. But also don't want to cancel. Barf.
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Anonymous45016 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 17, 2020 at 11:27 AM #4 Phone call only!
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Flinders40 Member Member Since Jun 2018 Location: New York City Posts: 210 5 4 hugs given	Mar 17, 2020 at 12:14 PM #5 When I refused video session I just figured that would be it for awhile, but at noon she called me .... so weird. I almost didn’t answer. However, we ended up talking for an hour - strangely I found it easier to tell her things ... I think it’s because I didn’t have to look at her...
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ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,406 (SuperPoster!) 10 6,401 hugs given	Mar 17, 2020 at 12:31 PM #6 I find talking to L easier on the phone too. I also think it's because she's not looking at me and I'm not looking at her. We usually get a lot done in 15-20mins than a 45min session. I also find her voice extremely soothing. But I still prefer in person. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
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comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,711 5	Mar 17, 2020 at 03:30 PM #9 I have a video session planned tomorrow. My biggest concern is choosing my most impressive water glass from which to drink. Oh and whether I should allow my cat in the room - mainly to prove to her that my cat is better than hers.
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Omers Grand Magnate Member Since Nov 2010 Location: Crimson cattery Posts: 3,512 13 3,133 hugs given	Mar 17, 2020 at 07:51 PM #14 Yep, have not gotten the courage to do video as of yet. We have done phone and it is very hard for me to open up. __________________ There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night
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JaneTennison1 Magnate Member Since Aug 2014 Location: US Posts: 2,202 9 121 hugs given	Mar 17, 2020 at 08:03 PM #15 I did my first video session today with EMDR T, previously I have done phone calls. I didn't mind it, I mean it wasn't great or anything but I left it feeling better.
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velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Mar 17, 2020 at 09:18 PM #16 I talked to my T today on the phone, and that was different enough. We might do video in the future, but we both agree it is not ideal.
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Quietmind 2 Poohbah Member Since Jan 2020 Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave Posts: 1,243 4 8 hugs given	Mar 19, 2020 at 01:03 AM #20 Video isn't an option for me because I don't have enough privacy where I live. I don't have a car so I can't have a video call there. When we had phone calls, we kept it to 15 minutes or so because I had to be outdoors to take the call. I'll want face to face sessions as long as possible.
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