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Anonymous46863
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#1
My T allows hugs. I find saying goodbye to her each week (in normal times) hard. I think a hug could be helpful, but I feel unworthy of them. Maybe I feel she wouldn’t want to hug me? Has anyone got any words of wisdom or can anyone relate and help me to understand this, or put it into words?
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Omers
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#2
I asked T for hugs and I was OK with that. At one point though T offered to hold me. I felt totally dirty and unworthy. So we talked about it a lot for two sessions. What it would look like, what it would feel like, was he really OK with it.... talking about it over several weeks really helped.
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#3
I love hugs but my problem is finding it really hard to let go. That makes me feel needy and ashamed but having a really gentle understanding T helps. She is firm about boundaries but never forces me to let go. I think hugs are incredibly healing if they are right for the particular T and client relationship. Talking about the issues in the open can go a long way towards making the hugs more comfortable to manage.
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Omers
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#4
I can't tolerate any kind of touch from almost anybody, including incidental touch in a crowded room. My daughter being the one exception and that took a lot of therapy that's used for phobias to allow. My therapist and I give a hand signal to each other signifying a hug. It works well for me.
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Mountaindewed
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#8
The times she’s gotten close to me just to hand me stuff I very quickly moved away and she noticed. So I think she thinks I don’t want to be touched. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don’t. I don’t think I’d ever ask her for a hug though.
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MissUdy
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#9
I brought up that I felt like hugging my T once, he said that he hugs some clients, but for me it would be too risky. I don’t think I’ve ever healed from that to be honest. If your T is offering it, and you want it, please take it you deserve to feel good.
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Christmas cookie
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#10
I can understand feeling unworthy of hugs and support. I was abused, made to feel unworthy. I worried nobody would ever hug or care. At times I still struggle with asking for a hug. I put on a tough front.
Sorry, I don't mean to pry and if your not comfortable discussing it's okay. Did you a have a traumatic experience growing up ( abuse, neglect)? I would explore how you are feeling with your T. I know sometimes it's difficult to open up. I hope she can provide you with insights and reassurance. |
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#11
That sounds very hard that your T said that. Did you ask him to explain? I would have expected him to let you decide that, not for him to make that decision for you.
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MissUdy
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MissUdy
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#13
I had always hated people touching me, but finally felt ok and sort of wanted to hug him which was very strange for me. From what he said, I think he thought I would freak out or something. I really really hope it’s not that he just doesn’t want to touch me because I’m dirty or something. I might ask him again (when it’s safe to make physical contact!)
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tomatenoir
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#14
After a year of therapy, I asked for a hug and was told no. I told my therapist I couldn't continue therapy without one, as his refusal made me feel like something was wrong with me (or "unworthy", as you put it). I quit. A few days after quitting I asked for a final session and was told we no longer worked together. His refusal to say goodbye hurt far more than his refusal to hug me.
Despite that, I think it's worth you asking for a hug, as therapy is rather pointless if you don't talk about what's going on with you. But if I could have a do-over, I would have broached the subject without mentioning hugs at all. I would have said something like "there's something I want to ask of you, but your refusal will mean X to me, which is scary. I want to talk about this." I might have seen something to warn me that he would never adapt to me or didn't respect my views on what was critical to my own healing. And I wish I'd set boundaries for myself before I asked. I would have decided what to do in advance depending on what he said. I would have decided to leave immediately and then book a final session. When a friend or a company or a partner rejects you, you don't sit in front of them for another hour feeling ****. You go and do something productive. I think it's very normal to want to connect physically with people we share intimate things with. And I get the feeling of being unworthy of touch. I was in therapy for a miscarriage, and the refusal entrenched my belief there was literally something wrong with my body. Took a very long time to undo the damage. I really hope your therapist is more sensitive then mine was. |
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just2b
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#16
My T once offered a hug once or twice. I had a hard time letting go the 2nd time. I then started to feel very uncomfortable with touch, even to have stopped EMDR with her tapping my legs. Moved to the hand things and i could not stand being close to her. Then one session, i really wanted a hug, and had been very dissociative and had asked for a hug. She said No. Only if the adult part of my mind wanted it. So from then on i have never asked and she knows i will not ask again. Though being apart from her now i fantasize about hugging her. Though ill never bring it up again. Last session i really wanted to say i wish we were in your office so i could ask for a hug but wont. Never ever again.
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MissUdy
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