Fascinating observation by T about Corona virus coping

I am perfectly happy having mandatory solitude in my apartment for 45 days. Aside from some trauma induced OCD from food hoarding stories, this is like freedom to me. I write for a living. I always work at home anyway. Now, I never have to leave my apt for any reason. I have 3 articles for publications I'm writing, I eat very little, and I can have food delivered from the grocery store.

I was talking to my trauma therapist yesterday in my phone session about my reaction. We stopped teletherapy because it was too hard for me to connect to her. Bonding is tricky with me and teletherapy destroys that delicate balance we have carefully developed in her office. She and I have had phone sessions when I was undergoing cancer treatment in the hospital. We know how to do phone therapy. Anyway, she said she had been really thinking about my reaction because it's unusual. She said that the most likely reason why I am totally content in prolonged isolation is directly related to the kind of trauma I've lived through.

She came to the conclusion that since I have few bonds with the outside world, I don't feel isolated or lonely. Instead, it's a kind of relief because I don't have to struggle to make bonds that I am unable to make. I'm not at constant war with my own bonding deficits. She said she has come to an understanding of why this quarantine would be so freeing for me. She does specialized trauma work so she has a fantastic way of understanding the consequences of certain kinds of trauma other trauma therapists don't see often.

It was nice to hear that there is a completely reasonable psychological explanation for me being this content. I told her and my psychiatrist that I am one client/patient they don't have to be concerned about right now.

Though the pandemic brings constant heart-breaking news, I’m fine with my solitude.

I think, because I am emotionally in a unique place, I am one person who doesn't need anything in a time of great crisis. With so many people in crisis, it 's my contribution to the emergency to leave resources to others who are in need. Plus, I have a long list of older people who are alone in their homes and who just like to hear a calm, soothing voice right now. I call them daily. I can listen to others struggles and not contribute my own. People right now want to be listened to. They don't necessarily want to hear the struggles of others. It's a misconception that people who can't bond can't be kind.

There is a great advantage to being that calm spot in a storm for people.

Or maybe this?

Bloomberg - Are you a robot?

Actually, one of the added benefits of not being able to bond is that you rarely are hurt or insulted. People far worse have gotten to us long before anyone in our current lives showed up. You might call us the un-borderlines. You can't get us to react.

I have no interest in reading your article. Thanks for your thoughtfulness though.

I too LOVE staying home and not having to socialize with people. I also see trauma therapist. I learned from a young age to stay low and don't rock the boat. I have always relied only upon myself because quite honestly there has never been anyone to rely on. I told my T the other day the I felt like a freak because I seem to be one of the only people around that actually likes being stuck at home. He always tries to normalize the thoughts that come out of my twisted brain and told me that this is the introvert's time to shine. Extroverts are the ones having a more difficult time. He made me think and I decided at the time that for once I seem to be the normal one that is getting through life without freaking out when usually I am the freak that can't handle normal life and freak out about stuff that everyone else seems to handle with ease.

I asked him again this last session if he had any other clients that LOVE being sequestered. Again he tried to normalize my thoughts. (I hate when he does that). He said he does have some people like me and then there are others who are starting to adjust to the new normal, then there are others who are having a very difficult time. While I'm sure this is true, I didn't really need that generic answer.

Personally, I think those that learned extreme independence with no desire for attachment due to early trauma are the ones that are going to make through this more comfortably. Those that experience the need for attachment will have a harder time adjusting.

You get it! Thank you. It's entirely a trauma thing. People like us really can be a great benefit to those who are struggling. We don't use valuable resources. We are calm and level headed in a crisis. And we are really good at soothing others because we ourselves are not reactive.

My therapist had to think about my reaction for a little bit. I think in part because she, uncharacteristically, has taken this pandemic pretty hard. Normally, she's a master at being a calm, reasoned, and empathetic crisis manager. She specializes in working with people who have been the victims of things like child sex trafficking, child pornography, torture survivors, survivors of Munchausen's Syndrome by proxy, the kinds of traumas most therapists can't even look at, let alone treat.

She used to be the lead psychologist for the child abuse intervention team at our large children's hospital. Her team would be called in if an ER physician or inpatient physician suspected child abuse. She's seen every kind of horror an adult can inflict on a child and dealt with every kind of abuser in real time. When she went into private practice she wanted to focus her work on people who had survived the kinds of documented traumas that would normally get them institutionalized. That's how I was referred to her. I had been inpatient for an entire year and my treatment plan had me being institutionalized permanently. She and my psychiatrist were literally my last chance to have a life. So, for her to have to step back and think about my reaction to the pandemic was kind of unusual. She admitted, she's a bit more effected by the pandemic than she expected to be.

I'm very accustomed to not being understood. The only people I expect to work at understanding me are my psychiatrist and therapist. Everyone else, if they don't, I don't give it much thought. I don't expect them to. I'm a statistical outlier. Most people can't cope with that much difference.

Thank you for posting. It was really a treat to hear from someone who totally gets it.

Good, relevant article. Really unfortunate URL title from the magazine!

I get it. Despite the dreadful news, I'm in my element at home. When I cross the road to avoid people, I think, I was doing this 20 years ago, before it was the socially acceptable thing to do. I recognise that my contentedness comes from a place of privilege, I don't have to worry about my rent, food or job, unlike the majority. I miss my therapist and I worry about the situation but the social isolation doesn't bother me at all. I'm also on the insecure attachment trauma spectrum.

Interesting.
It’s bc I *do* react and am easily hurt that I’m also fine with this isolation. I can’t fail people’s expectations if I’m alone...at least not to my knowledge.

I go to the store or pharmacy once in a while but that kind of ‘socializing’ doesn’t bother me very much.

Thank your for sharing. I really relate to this. This isolation is not much different then my usual, but now I have the relief of not feeling guilty about the things I think I should be doing.