[LonesomeTonight]

Is anyone else worried about their T getting sick (and/or dying) from Covid-19? I wasn't worried at first, because my T is athletic and around 50. But now I've read about cases where younger people are getting really sick, like going from a little sick quickly progressing to acute respiratory distress syndrome, having to go on ventilators, etc. And it makes me worry about T.

I want to ask him what precautions he's taking (besides no longer seeing clients in office--though he only stopped that as of Monday), but more than that, like social distancing, but it feels like prying. But I worry about him, in part because he's a huge source of support for me, but also because I care quite a bit about him as a person. Probably to the level of love, though platonically. (I've been seeing him 2.5 years, most of that twice a week).

But part of me also wonders...is this sort of my brain choosing to worry about this instead of about my over-70 parents? Or about me or H or--even worse--D? Like a transference sort of thing in the sense of "I'm going to worry about my T's health, so I don't think of the much more scary possibilities"? Or maybe it's a mix of both, where I genuinely care about him, plus I don't want to think of worse possibilities...

And I'm debating whether to talk to him about this when we have an extra session in 15 minutes, but I feel I kind of have to...as it's weighing on my mind.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Oh yes . It doesn't help that my T struggles with her health anyway. I've been too scared to put it in a clear way but I think my T knows my fear. I want to talk to her about it but I think I'm scared that voicing it will make it happen even though that's irrational. You're certainly not alone with this.

Insofar as worrying about T more than family goes, I think that for me, T is my main support so the fear of losing her is going to be worse because I feel as though I could cope with anything as long as she is around. Plus I honestly love her to bits..

[zoiecat]

I agree with Lonely. LT, I may be wrong but my gut feeling from your posts is that you are more worried about losong your ability to see your T and therefore you are worried about his health. It may be that you feel your relationship with T would be a bigger loss. This does not mean that deep down you care about him more but more of a current fear and projection of your own possible pain.

While I obviously don't wish for my T to get sick, I can take or leave therapy. While I definitely need therapy to get over my past full of trauma and I desperately want to be normal, I htend to avoid relying on others at all costs. So I am not attached to my T and would survive as I always have without him.

You need to realuze that you too have the strength to survive without therapy. The more you are able to accept this fact and increase your inner desire to improve your life and develop your autonomy (and it may require practicing a lot of new skills) the easier it will for you to let go of the fear of losing him.

[Omers]

Hi LT, I am sure it isn’t much surprise that we would be struggling with similar things. My T and his wife are both in more than one high risk group. Overall they are healthy though. T and I have talked a lot about the virus because I have been so much more uncomfortable with the phone sessions. It was a lot easier when I knew in advance we would be starting phone sessions and I knew when I would see him face to face again. I am scared because last I knew he was not able to get a refill on a prescription that could be necessary for him to stay out of the hospital should he get sick with anything. Doing the phone session and seeing his face helped. As always my T is very open with me about his life and shared the struggles his family is having in coping with this stay in place order. He did share about their adventures going to a big box store for groceries but that seems to be the only risk they are taking. T’s plans for next week changed so he is working fewer days. The days he is taking off he is filling with some at home self care and an online CEU class. So I am not too worried about him physically. I am worried about him financially as the economic impact of all this hits. All of his clients are self pay and I see so many people right now stopping their mental health care. I also worry about his stress level and mental health. His kids live far away which has always been hard on him even with frequent visits. I know at least two if not three family members work in fields where they are non-essential and will be hit hard by all of this. I know he is worried about his clients as well.
Then the selfish part of me wonders how this might impact the travel plans he had for later this year that would take him completely out of contact for a month...
All in all I think he will pull through OK... if something happens though I am going to be a disaster!

[ScarletPimpernel]

Thank you for this!

I've been worrying about L and T, yes. I have asked her if she's okay, has supplies, will she be alone or who will she have contact with. Both L and T were very open and honest. And we've all agreed to tell each other if one of us gets sick.

Also, my sui thoughts have been really bad. I think I've realized that my thoughts are there because it gives me a sense of control. And when I realized that, I also noticed that I'm actually afraid of dying from this.

So while I am worried about L and T, I think you're right: my concerns about them are covering up my own fears of death.

[ArtieTheSequal]

I am quite concerned about ex-T because she's almost 70. She was on my mind all last week and I finally had to call her on Friday and I found out that she is sick with a cough/respiratory thing! I was afraid to ask if it is COVID-19. We currently have 12 confirmed cases in my county and I do fear that one of them is her. I feel really guilty that I worry more about her than I do my own mother who is 80, but then like you said maybe it's somehow easier to worry about L than about myself or my own family. Or covering up my fear for myself and my family. Like it gives us something to focus on rather than the unthinkable of losing our family members.

safe, virtual hugs to all who want and be well.

[atisketatasket]

Honestly, I'm more worried about my mother (75) than Info (65+), though I don't want Info to get sick. Partly because I think Info has had so much work done she probably has an impervious immune system filled with collagen by now.

[SlumberKitty]

I am worried slightly about regular T. I'd say she is maybe 65 or 70. But she seems to be taking lots of precautions. I am not as worried about Pastor T getting it, even though he is 64. He seems healthy. He works out and stuff like that. I am more worried about my parents getting it. Both are 65+ particularly my Dad who seems to get everything, in fact right now he is dealing with the shingles! And because he had cancer 10 years ago, which he beat, but still, I worry about a compromised immune system. I'm not particularly worried about catching it myself although that may possibly be some of my own self-destructiveness speaking where if fate intervenes so be it. HUGS to all of those who are worried. Kit

[Omers]

I know I am more worried about T than my parents even though they are about the same ages. I just don’t have a bond or connection with my parents at this point. I haven’t seen either of them in 8+ years. My mother texts about her dog and my father messages me with totally random pictures. So, sadly I am not feeling guilty either. I also worry more about T than H but that is because H is, well, being stupid. We have a stay in place order sand he still insists on getting his coffee at the gas station! We have a microwave, perculator, coffee pot and a Kurig! Why drive to the gas station!! Ugh... venting... the stay in place order is working in my house... social distance went from 2ft between hubby and I to 10+ft.
So, yeh, I am more worried about T and I am just being OK with it. I also worry about Pdoc and Fr .

[LonesomeTonight]

Thanks for all the replies, will respond more later. But I ended up telling Dr. T about my fears today, and he was very accepting. He said he appreciated my caring, that I seemed to care more than some other people in his life seemed like they should. Which was...interesting. But I'm glad he made a point to accept it. And he assured me of the precautions he'd been taking. So that all helped. I'd suggest that people do talk to their T's if they have these fears. It also helped start a discussion of fears about my parents, H, D, and myself possibly getting sick.

[ArtieTheSequal]

One reason I'm not as worried about my mom is that I know she has not left her house in like 3 weeks and no one goes in. she is being extremely cautious. and she is in excellent health.

she remembers the polio epidemic when she was a child....

[stopdog]

I don't have any worries about the two women. If they get it, there is nothing I can do. I don't wish them ill necessarily, but even while seeing them there was rarely worry about either of them. There is no reason for me to worry about what happens to them.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I worry about my T, since he'll be 60 years old this year. When I told him, he volunteered some information about himself to show me that he's probably not that much at risk, though aware of the fact that he should take extra care.
I'm less worried about my parents since they're younger and my mom has extensive medical training as well, so I feel she can keep them safe. My grandparents are the people most at risk from those that I care for, but with them I didn't expect them to be around much longer anyways, so it's not that anxiety inducing.

[JaneTennison1]

I constantly worry that everyone I know or care about will die. it's a nice bit of shrapnel I got to take in after growing up the way I did. By far the worst part is realising I care. I dont know how that happened

[Omers]

I just found out through the news that one of T’s family members might have been exposed
Now I panic...

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs, Omers, that's scary! Immediate family or more distant?

[ArtieTheSequal]

Hugs, Omers, that is scary!

[Omers]

A local elderly in law. I am not sure how close to them T is but just the fact that it is hitting that close to him personally made it super real. I don’t know if they are one of the confirmed cases from this situation or not but it definitely means they were exposed.
T’s schedule is messed up this week so I don’t talk to him until Wed. He had plans to travel so I wasn’t going to get to see him at all. And I don’t know if I should ask if the family member is OK or not. He gave me the information but I doubt he remembers.

[Lrad123]

I have some fears around my T getting sick. I’m in healthcare and seeing patients every day, so was relieved when he stopped doing face-to-face visits. The part that’s a bummer for me is that I decided I am not comfortable with phone or video sessions, so I’ve put my therapy on hold until this all settles down, and who knows when that will be. It feels like the option to see him was taken away from me abruptly. He’s not an emailer, so I essentially have no contact with him. He’s in his sixties and looks healthy to me, but who knows how he or anyone else I know will fare. Maybe it’s the not knowing that’s hard.

[ElectricManatee]

LT, I wonder if you're worried about losing your T since he is kind of your primary support right now. It seems like you have been working on getting out to activities more, having lunch with friends, etc and having quite a bit of success with that. Now your world has shrunk considerably because of the pandemic restrictions, and it seems like your H isn't necessarily on the same page as you when it comes to the virus and isn't able to be there for you and your anxiety. If your H can't understand how you feel and your friends aren't as accessible, I could see where you might feel extra anxious about losing Dr. T.

I am somewhat anxious about both of my therapists getting sick, but I have talked to them both about what they are doing, and it seems like they are taking every precaution. They are both in their forties and seem fairly healthy, so I am hoping for the best. It has been a bit difficult to adjust to teletherapy, but it is getting easier with each session.