How do I stop T from talking about what doesn't matter?

I am in therapy to get help for depression, anxiety, PTSD and OCD. Somehow, my T always starts talking about what I don't need to talk about. For example, I blatantly say I don't want to talk about my education and yet they somehow end up giving me advice about it or talking about what kinds of fun activities I should do this weekend to relax. I don't know how to cut the conversation off and tell them this is a waste of my time because I could get advice on this online or from someone else who I'm not paying, but what I need help with from a T is on my disorders. I end up sitting there hoping they will stop talking about this so I can bring up what is important for me.


But even when I say I'd like to discuss my issues, like how I panic in social interactions, T talks about the wrong thing. Like I brought up my obsession with making friends using social media apps and how I waste so much time on those apps, don't get anything else done in my life and my depression and anxiety have skyrocketed. T starts talking about how people post edited versions of their lives on social media. I say I know this and my problem is not that but that I feel rejected all time when people ignore me and want to work on that. T says okay and shifts the conversation back to what people post online. I leave with not a single strategy on how to tackle feelings of rejection.


Long story short, how do I nicely and politely stop my T when a conversation is not about what I need to talk about and when I want to talk about something else?

I might be totally wrong but it sounds like she might not a good therapist. How long you’ve been seeing her? She seems rather clueless

I know it's very difficult, but I strongly suggest that you bring this problem to your therapist. If you don't, you're wasting your time and money for nothing. Once you start talking to him it will be easy to really discuss the issue.

How long have you been seeing her?

I would tell her directly. From your post, it seems that you have been nice and polite, yet she does what she wants. So, be direct.

Then again, the reason she goes around in circles may be that she is clueless and you may be better served with a more experienced T.

I've learned to just be direct with mine. It can be difficult at first, but sessions should be about what the client wants to discuss, not the T. Sometimes I'll say something like, "I don't want to spend the whole time talking about this." Or "I have some other topics to bring up." Or if he's sharing an idea he's told me before that didn't help, I might just say, "Yes, I know, you told me about that, but I need other ideas" or something to that effect. Then, as others have said, if she still insists on talking about her own thing regularly, might be time to look for a new T.

I'm worried it comes off as rude to cut them off or be direct like that, like I'm not respecting what they are saying. Although, I would love to just stop them when it becomes irrelevant and switch to something I care about.


This T has 20+ years of experience. I wonder if they just don't know how to address my issues so they shift to what is easier to talk about.


How would you phrase it? I do tell them that I want to leave the session with some concrete thing to tackle or try for the week. I do say upfront I don't want to waste time talking about my education. Yet I end up leaving the session with the to-do of watching a movie and doing something relaxing or finding other career options, but that's not helpful for my disorders.



I've been with them for a year now.

You could start the session by saying that "I have comments about our therapy sessions that I need to address with you. These issues have been bothering me for some time." If she interrupts you there, I would raise my hand and say, "Please let me talk." Then you just tell her what you told us. If she interrupts, lift your hand again and say, "Let me finish."

If you can't even get that far with her, I would really find another therapist.

Bringing up the subject wouldn't be rude if you state it respectfully, in a validating and assertive way.

For example, "I know that my education is an important topic, but today I'm having a problem with 'xxxxx'. I want to focus on that."

It's up to you to direct your session so that you leave feeling that there was progress.

Sometimes a T may not be a good fit for a particular client.

IF she brings up education or a topic you are not interested in, you could say: T, I would really like to focus on [topic X]. Can you help me with [specific issue re topic X]

However, if she keeps changing focus, it might indicate that she does not know how to deal with your specific issue(s). I would interview Ts who would be more helpful and not waste your time.

Can I ask how long you have been seeing your t?
I wonder does this happen with friends and family too? It may help to address it in a different context if you don’t like being too direct with your t.
For example: I have this friend who I feel so frustrated around because I want to talk about ex but I can never get a word in or the conversation always shifts off topic, etc...
This is a great opportunity to learn to find your voice and for t to give you the space to find your voice.