Sad because t terminated me

MatBell · Apr 06, 2020 at 11:26 AM

It was bound to happen. After about 2 and a half years my t terminated me. Maybe this is for my own best. I knew it couldn’t keep going forever. But man it’s hard to let go. She has helped me through innumerable hard times, listened to me bawling etc. I could text her and she would text back and comfort me. She probably did more than what is normal for a therapist. Now I have to do without.

I was getting used to the comfort and support she could provide.

So how do you get over something like this? I really think it’s hard when you have formed emotional ties like this.

SlumberKitty · Apr 06, 2020 at 11:28 AM

Sorry, that stinks. I'm sorry it happened to you. Really the only thing I can think of is that it just takes time. When I had to stop seeing my T of 10 years due to her getting MS, it was really hard for about a year. It finally started to get better. The positives that came out of it is that I started relying on a lot more people, not just one, not just her. So now I have more people to go to and get support and encouragement from and it helped a lot. But it meant being vulnerable and putting myself out there. Totally worth it for the result though. HUGS Kit

MatBell · Apr 06, 2020 at 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Sorry, that stinks. I'm sorry it happened to you. Really the only thing I can think of is that it just takes time. When I had to stop seeing my T of 10 years due to her getting MS, it was really hard for about a year. It finally started to get better. The positives that came out of it is that I started relying on a lot more people, not just one, not just her. So now I have more people to go to and get support and encouragement from and it helped a lot. But it meant being vulnerable and putting myself out there. Totally worth it for the result though. HUGS Kit

Thanks. I think she did it for my own good. She haf taught me what she could. But I miss not being able to text her when things are hard and I need support. I always felt I could rely on her. It was “me and her against the world”. It’s easy to forget that it was only a professional relationship and nothing more.

LonesomeTonight · Apr 06, 2020 at 12:01 PM

Hugs, I'm so sorry. I do agree that it takes time. It's a form of grieving. Try to be patient with yourself. I think I'm finally over ex-MC. The first few months were especially hard, then anniversaries or things that reminded me of him (like college basketball). Are you going to look for another T? That was something that helped me work through it as well.

Mopey · Apr 06, 2020 at 01:54 PM

Are you very clear as to why she terminated you, Mat?

MatBell · Apr 07, 2020 at 02:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mopey

Are you very clear as to why she terminated you, Mat?

She wanted me to use the methods we’ve talked about alone for a while. Then maybe “somewhere down the road” we could meet and talk about how it went.

I just miss her so much Mopey. She did so much for me.

I now instead just see the psychiatrist (part of the same team). He is not a good talker at all and doesn’t really write back when I write...

Folding · Apr 07, 2020 at 02:54 AM

I don't have any sage wisdom on getting through this but wanted to let you know that your not alone. I'm going through the same thing and it's really hard. It's a loss and we have to grieve it. Be gentle with yourself and remember that grief often comes in waves. It often sneaks up on me when I least expect it. Hold on and know that it will get easier with time.

Mopey · Apr 07, 2020 at 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MatBell

She wanted me to use the methods we’ve talked about alone for a while. Then maybe “somewhere down the road” we could meet and talk about how it went.

I just miss her so much Mopey. She did so much for me.

I now instead just see the psychiatrist (part of the same team). He is not a good talker at all and doesn’t really write back when I write...

Ahh - I see. And I understand how you feel, I really do. But - this doesn't sound like a failure or rejection of you on her part. Instead it sounds more like a push to use the tools she's given you to help yourself. Start really working with them. In the end that's what we have to do anyway, if we are to survive - we have to be willing to fight for ourselves.

What do you think she would advise you to do right now, in your situation right now, if you could talk to her?

Fuzzybear · Apr 07, 2020 at 07:49 PM

MatBell · Apr 08, 2020 at 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mopey

Ahh - I see. And I understand how you feel, I really do. But - this doesn't sound like a failure or rejection of you on her part. Instead it sounds more like a push to use the tools she's given you to help yourself. Start really working with them. In the end that's what we have to do anyway, if we are to survive - we have to be willing to fight for ourselves.

What do you think she would advise you to do right now, in your situation right now, if you could talk to her?

I think you're right. It just hurts. I was used to being able to text her when I needed support. She helped me with a lot of things.
I know we all have to rely on ourselves in the end. It was just a professional relationship in the end. But it's so easy to get accustomed to a therapist and the comfort that person can give.

What if I hadn't walked out back then. Would we still be talking? But yes, it had to end somehow anyway. I could have wished for a better transition period.

Thanks as always Mopey

Mopey · Apr 08, 2020 at 12:55 PM

Dear, when I say I understand how you feel, what I mean is this.

I've had many therapists over the years, a couple of them very bad. But at a certain point I got lucky. I encountered a therapist who was really able to help me and I developed a real love for her which I will always feel. But eventually the time came when she had to back away from her practice. She was willing to see me a couple of times after that for extreme situations, but by that time she had undergone a change and did not interact with me the way she used to. It was more distant and I realized she could no longer really help me. Did that hurt? You bet. Still does.

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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,744 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Apr 06, 2020 at 12:01 PM #4 Hugs, I'm so sorry. I do agree that it takes time. It's a form of grieving. Try to be patient with yourself. I think I'm finally over ex-MC. The first few months were especially hard, then anniversaries or things that reminded me of him (like college basketball). Are you going to look for another T? That was something that helped me work through it as well.
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Mopey Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: California Posts: 2,025 5 1,520 hugs given	Apr 06, 2020 at 01:54 PM #5 Are you very clear as to why she terminated you, Mat? __________________
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,326 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Apr 07, 2020 at 07:49 PM #9 __________________
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