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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
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#41
Dear therapist, how can I live knowing you didn't care much about my life. As I stood there on that bridge, ...I will never ever be able to forget those words you said to me......"Go to your car, or I'm hanging up!" I thought the world of you! You're the only person on Earth I've ever told my darkest memories of pain. I looked up to you as my Mother.
I'm so tired of these tears!!!!!!!! |
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,788
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#42
I would say your therapist did care about you. Demanded you go back to your car and not take your life. What else could the therapist have done? They weren't there to physically pull you away from the edge. Talking wasn't going to physically remove you from that danger. As a mother, if my child was in physical danger, I didn't talk to them about it, I physically removed them from that danger. And when I couldn't get to them fast enough and they did get hurt, I was devastated. Your threat to physically harm/kill yourself was most likely devastating and panicking to your therapist. The therapist had no other way to help other than to get you away from the edge and maybe call emergency services to intervene.
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LonesomeTonight, Whalen84
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
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#43
Ah, so that's how you humans love people. Bye!
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LonesomeTonight, MissUdy
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
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#44
For the sake of human lives this needs to be said. If you watch video or media coverage of law enforcement officers interacting with a suicidal person on a bridge they will NEVER say "Get over here or I'm leaving!" Any officer ever caught saying something so stupid and heartless would be fired. That's a great way to piss off and further trigger the suicidal person. I was very tempted to just hang up on my psychologist. If you want to know what to say then do some research.
I've watched a lot of these videos. Officers and citizens show compassion. My psychologist has a nasty temper. I have no idea what she was thinking. Maybe she was thinking I was bluffing. How sick! I wasn't bluffing, and regardless she had no right to gamble with my life, thinking somehow she knew what I was thinking. She obviously didn't know me. Falsely diagnosing me with schizoaffective on the first day, something that frustrated my psychiatrist. Maybe that's why my psychologist only has 1 client, according to the portal last I checked weeks ago. |
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SalingerEsme
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SalingerEsme
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,016
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#45
It doesn't seem like she thought you were bluffing. I think she panicked and was not well-equipped to deal with such a situation.
I agree that an efficient, experienced, skilled T would have talked you off that bridge. Your T didn't seem to know what to do and reacted - e.g. thinking you were playing games so as to keep you as a client, herself not being skilled in dealing with such situations, liability *if* you were to take action. Many factors come into play. What it does show though is that she was not a good match for you and not the person likely to be able to help you. |
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stahrgeyzer
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LonesomeTonight, stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
6 5,660 hugs
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#46
Rive, thanks. Looking back now it's obvious we were a bad therapist-client match. Maybe she can't stand people like me, or I remind her of someone, or she's just moody and hot tempered but she triggered me often, which was a source of pain.
I'm trying something different this time. My new therapist is a MSW LCSW (Master of Social Work, Licensed Clinical Social Worker). Hopefully she'll be better for me. |
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,016
10 |
#47
It is painful when we feel let down.. and unfortunately, finding a good match sometimes requires trial and error.
Best of luck with your new T. I hope it works out. |
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stahrgeyzer
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stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
6 5,660 hugs
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#48
My new LCSW is nice but I miss my clinical psychologist. My LCSW is supportive but she's so quiet. Most of the time if I don't talk then there's dead silence for 3 or 4 seconds, which is awkward. Only issue I had with my psychologist is every so often she would say something a bit rude. I know it's because I'm sensitive. One day I'll have friends and a lot more social skills. I won't be sensitive. Maybe in a year when my life is a lot better and the days of suicidal ideation are long over I'll email her again. I'd love to have her back, but for now she won't return my emails. Maybe one day she will.... I hope so! I love how my psychologist always had a nice response, something positive and helpful. She always made me feel like a human being who's worth saving! She talked to me like I was a normal person, and I miss that, a lot!
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
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#49
Has anyone ever contacted the board of malpractice? I sent a message to the California Board of Psychology. My clinical psychologist said the board of malpractice is the one who recommend she terminate me. Not sure if that's the place. The last thing I want to do is get her in trouble. I just want to find out the real reason.
www.psychology.ca.gov Here's the message: Hi, On April 28th 2020 my clinical psychologist called me to inform me that she's terminating me as a client forever. She said she contacted the malpractice board and then recommended she terminate me as a client. My psychologist said it's because I need more intensive care. I've talked to a half dozen therapist & my psychiatrist, telling them everything that happened and everything my psychologist said. They can't understand why she terminated me. One therapist suggested my psychologist might be having reverse transference. All of the therapist agree it doesn't seem healthy for my psychologist to terminate me like that without giving me closure. I've emailed my psychologist many times, but she won't reply. I'm having a very hard time with this because she was like a motherly figure and gave me a lot of care. I have a new therapist, but nearly all of my therapy time is spent on talking about the trauma from my clinical psychologist. Is there anything you can do to help give me closure, at least tell me why the malpractice board recommended terminating me? What my psychologist told me doesn't make sense. She recommended I see another therapist. How is a general therapist going to give me more care than a clinical psychologist? I don't want to get my psychologist in trouble. If you can help me, I can give you her California license # and her first & last name. I greatly appreciate any help! Kind regards, ******* |
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,791
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#50
I wonder if she could have meant her malpractice insurance provider? I believe T's have to carry malpractice insurance.
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stahrgeyzer
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stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
6 5,660 hugs
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#51
Could be. I have no idea, and only remember her saying bla bla bla malpractice bla bla. Thanks!
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
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#52
Although I vaguely recall her saying she could lose her license if she ignores their recommendation.
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LonesomeTonight
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: PNW
Posts: 1,394
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#53
At a certain point, I think you just have to let it go. *
How are things with the new therapist? Any progress there? *ETA I know that's a lot easier said than done. |
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stahrgeyzer
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Rive., stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
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#54
Tomorrow will the 2nd session with new therapist. Hopefully better tomorrow. Last time she didn't talk much. Maybe she was writing a lot. I feel such anger for my 1st therapist that I don't want therapy anymore. But for some reason 2 days ago my psychiatrist asked me to continue going to my therapist. He's an awesome doctor, so I'll go just because he asked.
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Salmon77
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Salmon77
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: PNW
Posts: 1,394
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#55
It can take a while to get comfortable with a new person, and some of them don't talk as much. Here's hoping tomorrow's better.
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stahrgeyzer
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stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,016
10 |
#56
It can take several sessions to get settled in with a new person. Two sessions is very early on... especially when you are just out of a bad previous therapy experience. Give it a shot.
Also, a 'general' psychologist has training in clinical psych. IF you have a psychiatrist, it shouldn't impede your care as they (psychiatrist) can prescribe you meds, if needed. |
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stahrgeyzer
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LonesomeTonight, stahrgeyzer
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,658
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#57
I haven't followed this entire thread, so I can't say exactly what you've been discussing, but have you tried to express this general feeling that you feel rejected by your last therapist with your current therapist? I wonder if that might help... Therapists can usually (at least the good ones) can offer some support on past hurts from other therapists. I have experienced this before, and am currently trying to get over a rift with a past therapist, too. I hope you'll find the support you need with this new T.
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stahrgeyzer
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stahrgeyzer
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Grand Member
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Providence, RI
Posts: 807
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#58
i'm wondering if you have Borderline Personality Disorder because you act like ME when someone "leaves" you.
I will give you the advice I give myself: You have to accept this because it is a done deal....It hurts alot I know because a BEST FRIEND of many years dumped me and that was 6 years ago and when I think of her I still have "pain and sorrow". I know that I always will. You are always going to feel this pain of this situation whenever you think about it and right now it is very raw...Realize this will pass....for the most part....don't carry this with you...and say to yourself this is HER problem and not yours...She shouldn't have went into the profession if she can't handle the intense feelings of some of her patients and she should have been able to guage your level of emotional coping before taking you on. Someone else said it...Maybe you remind her of someone or something from her past that makes "her" very uncomfortable with continuing with your care...You have to put it on ...ITS HER and NOT YOU....You said you have these other "therapists" you are talking to and they don't understand why she would do this either...and the other therapists or people you are talking to are not leaving you....So again it is HER. Try to feel sympathy for HER....and remember everything happens for a reason....Possibly you will now find a psychologist (because she cut ties) that will really help you to stop having these thoughts. Maybe she felt like a failure in your case because you continue to have these thoughts and struggles and she possibly felt like she wasn't helping you and very likely DOES care for you very much and wants you to get someone that can possibly help you. I'm extremely torn apart by someone that has left my life recently that was in my life for over 7 years...and for me to survive on a daily basis with the tormenting pain I am suffering from this loss (like you)...I have to repeat to myself...It is HIM not ME. __________________ "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell" (My girlfriend had this ringtone for my phone calls...lol) Bipolar 1 Anxiety Current Medications: Lorazepam Zoloft Abilify Gabapentin |
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stahrgeyzer
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stahrgeyzer
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Member
Member Since Feb 2016
Location: Usa
Posts: 160
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#59
Misssy2, your post resonated with me. I "lost" a friend of many years and dont know what happened for him to shut me and DH out.
Ive tried to reach out several times but no response. Ive had to accept that I wont ever know "what happened" between us. It is very hard to deal with but does get easier bit by bit. It must be even harder losing a therapist. Best wishes Stahrgeyzer. |
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stahrgeyzer
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stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
6 5,660 hugs
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#60
Thanks for the encouragement. Sorry for what some of you are going through! I can't imagine what it must be like to have a friend for 6 to 8 years and suddenly end the friendship without telling you why. Wow! That's a difficult one!
Hopefully this will be my last post about my psychologist for awhile but sometimes lately I just feel like screaming for so many reasons. I feel like the person I truly thought cared about me more than anyone in the world gambled with my life and doesn't care about me. You're right, therapy was better than 1st session. Most the time was spent talking about my psychologist. Maybe my therapist was just being supportive but she's not happy with my psychologist, especially the phone call "Go to your car now or I'm hanging up." I told the therapist that some people said my psychologist may have thought I was just seeking attention & never had any intentions of jumping since I have BPD. The therapist didn't like that at all. She said that's the wrong, and that an alarming percentage of BPD commit suicide. She also said my psychologist might have some personal issues she's dealing with. Last thing, the therapist said my psychologist should have given me a final therapy session when I got out of the psych ward to give me closure. I want so much to write to my psychologist one more time but I'll resist....I forgive you, now I must forget you. |
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WastingAsparagus
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