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Wiggle118
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#1
I’m on my third round of therapy with my T - each time we’ve focused on a different thing.
The first time I struggled to keep to a regular session day/time due to work and not wanting my partner (now ex) to know I was having therapy. My T gave me a hard time about this and it’s one reason why that round of therapy ended. I was told I needed to commit and that she liked to see clients at a consistent time. In the last round of therapy, which ended about 7 months ago, and now this round, she keeps changing the time of our session. A day or two before, she’ll ask if we can make it earlier or later. Today she asked me to make tomorrow’s session later, I agreed, and about an hour later she text to make it earlier. I don’t mind, but it seems so much in contradiction to what she asked me to do. |
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Mopey
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#2
This is one of those darned niggly things that come up in therapy that can so easily morph into a bone of contention since you've got two human beings trying to relate.
Would it seem possible to bring it up with the therapist? Tactfully, of course? Say, maybe, that you're a little "confused" about it? Just a thought. Good luck. __________________ |
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#3
I see no reason to be tactful about raising the issue with her. I would be direct and tell her that you expect from her what she expects from you. She will know that she is behaving in a rude and unboundaried way, maintaining regular time is a basic cornerstone of talk therapy. It sounds like she is taking advantage of the fact that you can be flexible (and in the past have wanted flexibility for yourself).
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ArtleyWilkins
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#4
Just ask her if a set time and day for your sessions can be made and see what the two of you can come up with together. Most likely this time, with the craziness of the pandemic/online issues, she has few clients with set times, so she's trying to work around a bunch of varying schedules. But, let her know your preference for a set day and time, come up with a plan, and hopefully that will be more set for both of you.
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#5
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I'm sure you are right, ComradeMooMoo. You are perfectly right. It's just that I tend to tiptoe so carefully around these things because I have an utter terror of conflict, especially with someone important to me. I was thinking about how I might handle the situation, in Wiggle 188's place. __________________ Last edited by Mopey; May 18, 2020 at 03:57 PM.. |
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#6
I consider myself pretty flexible. My T does keep me on the same time and day about 90% of the time but I think some of that is because he fills up fast and doesn’t want to forget to save a spot for me. I have had other T’s though where it has been different every time. I gave one T permission to move me around as she needed to seeing as she was seeing me at a significantly reduced fee while I was in a rough patch. She only moved me once and gave me two days notice. Personally, I would not be able to deal with a T that frequently changed my time after it was scheduled. That just seems disorganized and unprofessional to me.
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#7
Is this with the same therapist? If so, I would speak to her.
I understand things happen and the need for clients to be flexible but your T seems to be changing your time quite a lot. Also, it bothers me that she pulled you up (cf. your first round of therapy) because you couldn't keep a set time. How is that indicative of you not being committed? You seemed to have a valid reason and Ts ought to be flexible as much as possible. Yet, she dismissed your reasons because she 'liked' clients to keep the same time?! Her judgment seemed rather harsh and frankly, out of place here. I would definitely discuss with her. |
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Wiggle118
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#8
I think it’s the unprofessional element that bothers me - I wouldn’t do the same for a work meeting and that’s essentially what this is. I can be flexible and I don’t mind if there’s a genuine reason, but for it to happen multiple times seems off.
Session was today - at the beginning I told her what my daughter was doing whilst I was in the session, but about 30mins later she asked me again. I would have thought she’d remember? She also seemed not to be looking at me, but off to the left/right. It might just be how it looks on my screen, but it seemed that she was doing something else at the same time. I’m not too sure what to think, but will see how next week goes and then make a decision. |
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#9
Strange. All the things that bothered you would bother me as well, Wiggle. She sounds distracted when she needs to be focussing on each individual client at a time.
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#10
I would actually question whether she is committed to doing this work with you.
Being so.. distracted, inconsistent. That's rather unprofessional. Therapist burnout maybe? I would ask her if she is still dedicated to working with you. She really needs to be more professional. |
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#11
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*Beth*, LonesomeTonight, Mopey, Quietmind 2, SlumberKitty, susannahsays, Wiggle118
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Wiggle118
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#12
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Wiggle118
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#13
Thanks all for replies to this.
I contacted my T yesterday to say that I would prefer changes to session times are kept to minimum. That I knew she wouldn’t accept the same requests from me and that without further information about the reasons for the frequent changes (which I understand she may not be able to share with me), it appears to be disorganised. |
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#14
I am sorry this upsets you,
This is common with my therapist. We both have exceptionally busy schedules. So we cant plan a day and time to meet. We just text each other during the week “ does this day/time work for you? Ok how about this day/time?” I do wish we had a set day and time. That would feel more settled and consistent. But our lives just dont allow that. |
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