Therapists of 2 years yelled top of lungs, completely unhinged

Hi all- I have BPD and I will say off the bat I’ve been a difficult client for almost every therapist I have yet also one that therapists adore because I’m smart, have potential, ect. and truly deep down a nice caring and funny person. Most my therapists I frustrate the **** out of but they also love me.

I have a problem with texting/emailing a LOT....... especially if for whatever reason I become triggered I cannot STOP and take a minute I impulsively text the therapist so angry and aggressively. I never say anything like you’re stupid or attack their “character” it’s more like something they DID that bothered me.

Due to COVID I’ve lost $ which is hard bc my therapy has lessened. My therapist is very kind and sends me an entire email a day with a DBT skill to use. She also has let me come into a group therapy she runs for free. I befriended (sort of, as in we text twice) another borderline in the group and she happened to organically tell me she is going to therapy 4x week. It was triggering for me to the max, as I am jealous and very attached to my T, territorial, and found out this is a new client. With COVID my fear is that the new people or those with $ become the center of attention ect. And I go in the back burner. I was VERY upset when the girl told me this and then organically again happened to hear from other people including a therapist that they are the busiest they’ve ever been. I do not want to hear this.

Anyways, as I was doing quite poorly a week or two ago we talked about perhaps IOP of residential or somewhere that would take my insurance. My therapist sent me an email prior saying the word “referral” which is a GIANT trigger bc I never know if that means referral as in I don’t want you as my client. It is an abandonment fear. She’s known this for years now and it’s fine to say but please just follow up with we could maybe find a referral if you need an IOP. Simple. Clarify. SO yesterday she sent me an email with subject line “low cost treatment center” and then in the body just a link. I panicked because again there was no explanation when I just told her this a week prior. I text her frantically, emailed asking what she meant can she please follow up and explain ect she did not as she tries to never respond to me to teach me not to reach out constantly. What I did next I never do- but I wrote something along the lines that such and such available always friend is gone and I have no one to talk to so I guess I’ll have to reach out to the girl in the group and talk to her: within SIXTY second I get a phone call (never happened she always ignores) screaming at the top of her lungs that she’s going to put a restraining order on me, that I’m abusive towards her, that her entire life doesn’t revolve around me, blah blah just screaming and I’m not saying “raising my voice” I mean SCREAM. It scared me so much I was silent and told her please stop. Please take a breathe. At one moment her scream was so loud it almost sounded like she was crying too I said “are you crying?” She said all I want is to help you I send you a skill every day I sent that email bc a college of mine found it and I know before you were looking at places. I said that’s fine but I told you just a few days ago or a week ago to PLEASE just include what you mean when you send any referrals you know it triggers me why would you send that. She said well you could have sent one email back asking what it meant? I said yes but you’d never probably respond plus you know it’s a major trigger. The truth is she sounded so hurt, and sad, but most of all ANGRY it was scary she literally threatened a restraining order because I’m “abusing her” with my texts nonstop. But you know why she called??? Because of the new client. Because I was manipulative and threatened that relationship in her head by her wondering what I would say also another client who I said is paying big bucks probably. In the past she has been very worried about if I speak poorly of her- to other doctors, ect. Mostly her reputation. This is something that is HER problem not mine. By the end of the call she calmed down and apologized said she was in emotion mind that she was not going to put a restraining order but she can’t handle so many texts anymore blah blah....... but I know what triggered her to call, and it was that I brought up texting her other client. She never would have called otherwise. I expected her to get worried but NOTHING to the extent she did and even towards the end of the call she said my voice hurts, I have a dog to train, blah blah. And it was calm but by the end of the call it was me sobbing not her. I was so shocked to hear someone professional yelling bloody murder, threatening a restraining order, saying her world doesn’t revolve around me, I’m abusive ect. I could hear the panic, anger (obviously), and also hurt in her voice but I also should not be treated like that.

I don’t know what to do I feel so uncomfortable. This morning I got my daily skill email and she acted like nothing happened, wrote the skill and how to act during the group therapy (that’s this evening). I, for the first time, TRULY do not feel comfortable going and I wrote a very calm professional type email to her that I’m sure she thought oh **** bc I’m usually very emotional and all over the place but this was precise and to the point and essentially said I’m emotionally drained I cannot participate tonight. Hope it goes well and I will utilize those skills next week. Thank you.. I also apologized if I hurt her in any way. But it was. Short!!! A few sentences. We have session Friday and I may cancel. I truly feel bad for my actions in that it caused that much of a reaction..... again that her reputation is so scary for her and also new $ and a client , but also feel uncomfortable, hurt, a bit scared of her......how completely unprofesssional she got. Even threatening a restraining order out of pure anger. She apologized at the end of the call- she knows she did something wrong too. She has helped me so much and been a therapist of over 2 years now........ but that was crazy and unhinged and I know I’m a difficult client but it was not appropriate. I feel bad as it almost sounded like she was crying on the phone mostly screaming but she also made a huge
Impact on me too. I don’t want to talk to her right now and I don’t know what to do. I won’t text her client I’m not causing or messing with any drama. I just feel completely detached and so drained I haven’t been able to move from my couch to the bed without being exhausted and yesterday prior to the phone call I was doing GREAT.

Thoughts? Help.

So sorry that has happened, I hope you are ok. Personally I would never see or talk to them again if my therapist treated me this way. It sounds like they have issues and I wouldn't have any hope they could help me if they were so unstable.

You're right, that wasn't appropriate of her.

I will challenge you though on assuming she lost her cool because she's just worried about her reputation. It was pretty inappropriate for you to threaten to contact another client with the insinuation that you would say things to that client that would be disruptive to her therapy. I mean, I'm sure she was very angry based on the fact that the only reason you even had access to this client is because she was allowing you to come to group free of charge. Most people would be furious that such a gift would be twisted into a weapon. Again, not saying her conduct was justifiable AT ALL, but you need to look at your own part in this, as well. I also send angry texts to my therapist, but I would never threaten to interfere in another client's therapy. That is way over the line and I'm pretty surprised she didn't just terminate you.

Maybe you should check out the referral option and see what they have to offer since it sounds like your current therapist is not equipped to deal with what you're bringing to the table at this time.

No matter how needy you are, what your diagnosis is or why the emotions got triggered in you it is the therapists job to maintain their boundaries so they don’t do stupid **** like going off screaming at a client. Personally I would politely ask my T in the next session to talk about it and what happened and how do we go from here.
I had a T go off on me once and it really, really sucks! I triggered some stuff from her dad with my frequent calls and emotional lows. She screamed at me the whole session while I cowered in the chair. When the story came up with my current T he was totally appalled! He asked a lot of really good questions and laid out where his boundaries were, how he would react or more accurately not react to the situation and asked me what I had needed from her or what I would need from him if the same thing happened.
I hope you choose to engage your T on this and I hope they are a good enough T to own up to their part in it.

I am sorry you are in pain. While the therapist isnt necessarily right about flipping out, it is her duty to protect the privacy of all of her clients and to protect them from other people in group. I am not saying you are dangerous but imagine if another client was sending angry texts threatening to talk to you about their anger or pain? I dont think yelling or losing your cool is an effective way of handling things but I can see how it would make her feel defensive. This is one of the reasons that I do not really think its fair to text and email a therapist whenever one wants and expect an answer. What you got was a reaction- but not necessarily an unexpected one.

Im curious- what were your motivations for this scenario? Did you want her to be compelled to answer you no matter what?

You have to remember that people who enter the mental health field may also have a mental illness. Given this fact, it does not surprise me she lost it. I am not saying she has a mental illness but there is a tendency for people with mental illness to be in the mental health field. Your therapist is only human too. But, she should have some protocol in place for patients such as yourself. I believe your incessant texting and e-mailing is not a new situation for therapists. However, she lost it!! Well, this must have shocked you too!! If her therapy has helped you in the past, then just let it go.If not, I would find another therapist who can help you and not agitate you even further. I think the blind helping the blind is a great sometimes. But, when the blind tell you they can't help you because they can't see and become emotional about it, you need someone with full vision to help you. May be this is a bad metaphor? Sorry!! I admit honestly I prefer a mental health professional without mental health issues. I have had those with mental illness and unfortunately they are not as professional and not up-to-par with their knowledge as I have experienced. I know I'm going to get flack for this but I am just stating my honest opinion. I do respect and admire them for becoming mental health professionals though but I don't want them as my mental health professional.

It sounds like you managed to trigger her.
She did not handle it well and it may be best for you to move on---but you could consider her behavior not much different from your own & think about how others feel when you are triggered.

Therapists are not paragons of mental health. Often, if not always, they have major issues which is why they became therapists in the first place. You don't have to let yourself be treated badly by one of those people - you hired them and you can fire them.

I seriously question this therapist’s abilities. She had no right (no matter what you did) to act that way. If she was that upset she should have simply terminated you as a patient (in a professional way). Therapy is not a two-way relationship, therapists are not your friends - if she’s not doing the job that she was hired to do you need to find someone who can. Best of luck.

Even if your behavior wasn’t good, her yelling and screaming out of control like she lost her mind is completely utterly wrong no matter what you said or did. I deal with abhorrent and often totally bizarre behaviors all the time, somebody does something out of ordinary every single day and I can’t imagine yelling and screaming like I am out of my mind!! Not only it’s unacceptable but people could lose jobs over acting like this. She is in a wrong profession if she can’t handle bad behaviors. Geez wow

Well it’s different because they aren’t friends or relatives, she is performing a professional task on a job while OP is acting as a private individual. Her job includes dealing with people who might not behave right. So what she is triggered, it’s her job to deal with people who might do triggering things

I wouldn't stay with a therapist who behaved that way, no matter what the circumstance. You don't have to accept poor treatment by anyone in your life.

If I was that therapist, I would definitively help you find someone else and get supervision for myself...the only other choice I see would be to have a skilled third party work with you and your therapist on this event if you wanted that.
Don't let her walk this back but do remember she is human.

Wow. I can really relate to this.