FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
|
View Poll Results: Do you ask your providers how they are? | ||||||
Yes | 18 | 36.73% | ||||
|
||||||
No | 16 | 32.65% | ||||
|
||||||
Sometimes | 15 | 30.61% | ||||
|
||||||
Voters: 49. You may not vote on this poll |
Reply |
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
Tweaky Dog
LostOnTheTrail
has no updates.
Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,773
3,103 hugs
given |
#1
Hi, all.
I hope you're doing well. I'm wondering how you handle pleasantries in therapy. Do you ask your providers how they are? A relative asked me a question tonight that spotlighted the weird one-sidedness of the therapeutic relationship. Anyway, would love to know your thoughts on whether you do, why or why not. Thanks, Lost __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
Reply With Quote |
underdog is here
stopdog
has no updates.
Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 34,700
(SuperPoster!)
1 hugs
given |
#2
It did not matter to me how the therapist was and the woman would not have answered other than fine. To me, it would be pointless to ask.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
Reply With Quote |
Flinders40, LostOnTheTrail, susannahsays
|
Grand Poohbah
comrademoomoo
is losing at chess, winning at blundering
Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,698
|
#3
Sometimes. I don't always ask because I don't always care how she is and occasionally I hope she is experiencing emotional distress so I would not ask at those times. Sometimes she starts rambling on about some incidental physical ailment and that annoys me, sometimes she shares something from her emotional life which is more interesting to me. It's mostly a social nicety for me and I don't think it is a loaded question in the way that many therapists or some clients would like to describe.
|
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
ArtleyWilkins
has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,786
7 hugs
given |
#4
While I was in therapy, we saw each other so regularly, that really wasn't something that came up. I mean, we regularly chatted a little about our day-to-day lives a bit in my sessions, so I pretty much knew what was going on in his life - generally at least.
I've been out of therapy for many years now, so when we run into each other or correspond (like we just did this week because he wished me a happy birthday and asked how the fam is doing - he knows my whole family), of course I also ask how his family is doing, how his dancing is going (his latest hobby and social outlet), etc. |
Reply With Quote |
LostOnTheTrail
|
Grand Magnate
nottrustin
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
375 hugs
given |
#5
I always have. It is just normal for me to ask people how they are especially if I know they will ask me.
__________________ |
Reply With Quote |
comrademoomoo
|
Writing my way through...
ArtieTheSequal
is rediscovering her passion and purpose in life.
Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,148
(SuperPoster!)
5,708 hugs
given |
#6
I always did, just habit I guess.
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Magnate
susannahsays
is fed up.
Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,355
1 hugs
given |
#7
No and she only asks me like half the time.
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
ArtleyWilkins
has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,786
7 hugs
given |
#8
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Magnate
susannahsays
is fed up.
Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,355
1 hugs
given |
#9
Yes. Maybe because I usually inform her of how I am doing without being asked. Now that I think about it, when she does ask, I usually say fine regardless... then launch into my various grievances with life and how horrible I feel. So there's not much point to asking.
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
Reply With Quote |
ArtleyWilkins
|
Guest
Anonymous47147
has no updates.
Edit
Posts: n/a
|
#10
Yes, we talk of many things like that
|
Reply With Quote |
Young Butterfly
healed84
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2012
Posts: 7,574
1,475 hugs
given |
#11
Sometimes.. if I knew he was coming back from being sick or being on vacation I would ask how it was or how he is doing. But it’s not something I do not every time.
__________________ "You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second." "You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. |
Reply With Quote |
Always in This Twilight
LonesomeTonight
has no updates.
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,695
(SuperPoster!)
74.8k hugs
given |
#12
I said "sometimes," but it's not that often. More like, similar to what Healed said, if I knew he'd been sick or had an injury. If he just came back from a trip, I might ask, "Did you have a good trip?" (and he'll usually just something like, "yes, thanks.")
With ex-MC, when there were times he had to cancel at the last minute, I've said something like, "I hope you're OK" or "I hope everything is OK" in an email. Though I suppose that's different than just "How are you?" It's definitely a weird relationship...I mean, a first question I tend to ask a friend (or family member) in a message or email would be "So how are you doing?" |
Reply With Quote |
Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
117.7k hugs
given |
#13
Yes, I always ask. It just seems like a good way to ease into talking about what's up with me. Either they ask me and then I ask them or I ask them and then they ask me and then the real work begins.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
Reply With Quote |
Poohbah
Salmon77
has no updates.
Member Since: Mar 2014
Location: PNW
Posts: 1,394
106 hugs
given |
#14
I used to make small talk to begin a session, when I first started therapy. My T always said "why don't we get straight to what's on your mind" or something like that. I figured he had a point, I'm not going to therapy to find out how his day is going or whatever. We do chat a little, if I'm curious about something I'll ask, so we are friendly. But we don't do small talk.
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Poohbah
ChickenNoodleSoup
has no updates.
Member Since: Apr 2017
Location: In a land far far away
Posts: 1,558
1,298 hugs
given |
#15
No, I've never asked my T that.
|
Reply With Quote |
Legendary Wise Elder
SlumberKitty
is staying stable.
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
117.7k hugs
given |
#16
My case manager whenever I ask her, she always says, "I'm looking forward to talking to you!" So she doesn't really tell me how she is, but that is still nice to hear.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
Reply With Quote |
Member
CharlieStarDust
has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 264
16 hugs
given |
#17
I said yes - but just as a formality. It's not like she'll answer honestly (and I don't think I care enough to know if she did).
|
Reply With Quote |
Grand Magnate
nottrustin
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
375 hugs
given |
#18
For me it has to do with me needing time to ger xomfortanle, ger "connected" and warm up. We both know I cant just walk in and dive in. Sometimes I spend half the session talking about minor issues before I can being up painful topics.
She does answer although it is always a positive response __________________ |
Reply With Quote |
Member
Flinders40
has no updates.
Member Since: Jun 2018
Location: New York City
Posts: 210
4 hugs
given |
#19
No, because that’s not why I’m there. It may sound harsh to some, but my therapist is not my friend, colleague or family member. Additionally, I refuse to ask a question in which I won’t get an honest answer. Will she actually tell me if she’s doing poorly? No.
So why bother with fake pleasantries just for the hell of it.? |
Reply With Quote |
Magnate
ArtleyWilkins
has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,786
7 hugs
given |
#20
I found my therapists quite honest when times were rough for them. Very fortunate that we had pretty transparent communication that way. It wasn’t about friendship; just honesty.
|
Reply With Quote |
Hobbit House, MissUdy
|