Therapy for my therapist

Has anyone ever needed therapy because of their therapist? I have a lot of trauma because of my ex-therapist. I'm so upset with her. All I can think about is all the endless therapy sessions and her temper. I need to somehow let this go. But memories keep coming to me. Like I was just thinking about how when I'd go to her portal to make an appointment or fill in a document she's requested I could see how she didn't have that many appointments. It made me feel bad for her, but now I know why. I used to think all of the things she said to me, belittling me, etc. was therapy technique, even though they hurt me every time, but after talking to a half dozen therapist it turns out not be a therapy technique.

There were so many huge red flags about her that other therapist have pointed out. Like, she told me she was spending 4 hours per day outside of therapy on me. That was socking, and she made guilty for it. Toward the end she started being bossy, tell me what to do, which two therapists said no therapist should ever do that. I don't want to go into all the details. All of her hateful facial expressions, and temper. I used to blame myself, but strange how I never had problems with my psychiatrist. Never, not once, and I saw her every week as well. It's sad there are bad therapist out there. One time I confronted her about her bad mood & temper. She wrote back saying I'm an "empath" and that normal people would never been able to feel that she was in a bad mood. But she admitted that she had some personal problems to deal with. I have no idea why she'd think that because her bad mood or whatever she wants to call was very noticeable.

There was one time she said something that puzzled me, but it wasn't clear. She said I *might* remind her of an ex-boyfriend. Another time she said there seems to be something between us. Another time she said "One day your girlfriend might be a psychologist." When she said that her voice quickly faded low and deep and her head went down.

Uggg, so.... I just need therapy now because of my therapist. My appointment with the new therapist is in 12 days.

Wow that sounds awful, so sorry this happened! She was obviously in the wrong job and has done more harm than good...it sounds like it was all about her the whole time. It also sounds like she never really saw you for who you are, she was too busy projecting her crap on to you.

I hope the next therapist is really present and can help you.

Thanks! I feel bad for writing this thread, regardless. There's so much I don't understand and it would be nice to hear her side of the story! But she won't reply to my emails, at all. I know for certain she has a big heart, the biggest heart I've ever seen. She was spending 4 hours of her time at home for me! But at the same time it seems there was something that started to bother her. Maybe that's the problem with a therapist-client relationship. It probably isn't supposed to be a discussion about the therapist. So maybe she could never tell me what's wrong, and that just caused an avalanche of problems. In one of the last phone conversations with her she said I lied to her. I don't remember that. So in a way I did lie when I told her that I would never email her again unless she asked me a question. Because she was really getting upset with me about sending her non-appointment emails. But I was dealing with serious zoloft issues that was causing me to be suicidal, so I felt it necessary to email her, which just made things worse, and the even more need to email her. She made me feel bad by saying I lied to her, and I got the strong impression she thinks I lied about a lot of things. That's not true. Out of desperation in email I offered to take any lie detector test she wanted and I would pay, and the offer is good forever.

I think it’s good to get it all out there. You are right, the sessions aren’t meant to be about the therapist. I can see how much she meant to you, which makes me even sadder that she has let you down like this. It really doesn’t sound like you have lied or done anything wrong At all though.

My experience... I can be a bit of a nightmare client at times, when I am struggling, I have sent many emails (some horrible) at all times of the day to my T. I’ve screamed at him on the phone, threatened to kill myself, and said things I don’t want to repeat here, but still he holds space for me to be that way. And doesn’t use it against me or bring it up as a negative. He apologises or diffuses the situation and promises to face everything with me. If anything I think it has made us much closer. This is what I hope your next therapist can do for you too!

The main reason I initially went to see my current T was because of dealing with transference for my ex-marriage counselor. I felt my current T at the time (now ex-T) wasn't helping me enough with getting through the transference (and neither was ex-MC--though we discussed it multiple times). Then, when I had a big rupture with ex-MC, it was really helpful to have current T to process it with. There were also a few times when I had conflicts with my current T when I consulted with another T for a session or two to help me talk through it (and the consulting T was fine with that).


I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Something that current T said that really helped me is that I was going through a grief process in losing ex-MC. Thinking of it as grieving felt more normalizing. I was grieving a loss. Yes, it was about a therapist, but it was a loss of someone who meant a lot to me. I hope you can find a T to help you through it.