Quitting, I think....

So I think I'm going to quit seeing Pastor T and I think I might quit seeing regular T. I don't seem to be getting a lot out of either one right now. I feel like I've gone pretty far with Pastor T but now he's pushing me to make new/more friends and stuff like that, and all I care about is that my suicidal thoughts are manageable and I don't end up back in the hospital. I guess our goals aren't aligned.


I'm thinking of quitting regular T too. I'm not sure she's that helpful. But I don't know that I should quit both of them, might be an impulse on my part, some sort of impulse that I'm not recognizing as an impulse. Maybe a self destructive impulse. IDK. But I just don't feel like I have that much to talk about. And Pastor T is just getting on my nerves honestly.

I'm thinking of sending an email to Pastor T. What do I say? Do I just say, Peace Out. I'm done. Or what? I mean, he's done some good with me, but I think he's outgrown his usefulness. I don't want to say that because that sounds mean. I just don't want to have to keep memorizing Bible verses and practice recognizing my thoughts and stuff like that. It just feels like it's not important to my mental health.


What do I say everyone? I'm not necessarily keen on saying it in session. I did that with the T that I saw for 4 sessions and it was a disaster. I don't know why I thought we needed a closure session.

I sent a text message to regular T asking her if we could cancel Saturday and talk again in two weeks, which gives me time to figure out if I want to continue with her but takes the pressure off of me trying to figure out something to talk about in two days. She hasn't responded yet but I feel better about that. If I decide I want to discontinue, then I can always text her again. Now for Pastor T. I gotta figure out how to break up with him. Bad thing is dual relationship, as he is my pastor and I don't want him to take it personally. Good news is we aren't meeting for Church in person yet so there will be some time before I have to see him in person.

Well I did it. I sent an email to my Pastor T and just told him that I thought our goals were diverging and it was causing me anxiety. I thought it was important that my goal remains paramount and also that we don't have enough privacy doing therapy via Skype in my dining room with my parents lurking about. I told him that I hope he doesn't take it personal because it is about me and not about anything he has done. (Although he hasn't been listening to my goals so I lied a bit there). And that I thought we should just go back to Pastor and Parishioner and of course remain friends. Does that sound okay? I hope so because I already sent it. Now I'm anxious!!!!! Waiting for the reply!

Is it okay with your pdoc? When i was on medicaid, i had to see a t in order to see a pdoc and get meds.

I don't know but since my pdoc doesn't take insurance and I'm not getting reimbursed by my insurance, I'm not sure he can dictate. I haven't decided if I am going to stop seeing Regular T but I did decide to stop seeing Pastor T. I'm worried he is going to take it personally and be all hurt about it even though I tried to be very nice about it all. Sigh. What's that song....breaking up is hard to do!

Kit, I think what you sent to the pastor is perfectly fine. It does seem like your goals were diverging. I'd just be careful about getting rid of all therapy at once, because it sounds like you've been struggling some lately. Maybe you need a different T? Hugs...

Pastor T took it well. He said "Whatever works for you- I always want the best for you. If you find yourself in a bad spot you can always call - take care" I know he's not upset because he told me when he is upset he has to wait a day or two before responding but since he didn't do that, I think I can trust that he really is okay. It really is my decision whether or not to keep going and the last couple months have been too hard. Doing too much work on ministry type stuff and not enough work on self destructive things to me. So I think this is best. I'm glad he responded. Now I don't have to be too anxious. Now I just need Regular T to respond that she's okay that I cancelled Saturday and rescheduled for two weeks from now!

Don't make any more major changes (such as quitting your other therapist) right now. Change is hard, and you are probably going to need the support of your other therapist while you transition from your pastor T. One thing at a time.

Thanks Artley, that's probably good advice. I don't want to cut off my nose to spite my face. Plus since I cancelled this Saturday with Regular T, it gives me time to see how I do without extra support. Plus I am losing my case manager on Tuesday, so that's two people. There is a Nami zoom meeting tonight that I might attend, but I don't know. I really don't like zoom. I won't make any more major changes for a while. Just see how it goes with Regular T when I talk to her next. By then I might have a whole bunch of stuff to talk to her about. Just because I don't this week doesn't mean I won't by the next session.

I agree that waiting on deciding what to do about the therapist is probably a better plan than getting rid of all of them at once.

You spoke your truth with pastor T, and I am glad he took it well.

I would also reconsider quitting T at the same time. A mini-break from her, as you did, is fine but don't quit all your supports cold-turkey...