Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

susannahsays · Jul 12, 2020 at 06:35 PM

I am so depressed. Maybe I should move my appointment up with Dr. B. I can't exist like this. It's intolerable. I'm on 90mg of Cymbalta and clearly, that's not sufficient. I agreed with her to consolidating my meds and that's fine since I don't think they were doing much anyway, but it's not like I think I don't need medication.

She wrote on that school accommodations thing that I'm unlikely to get better.

I wish I could go back to Dr. S, but I can't afford it. Dr. B isn't terrible, but she seems to accept that I'm just in a constant state of depression. Maybe the situation has not been adequately communicated to her. I don't know. But I'm to the point where I'm tempted to start experimenting with illegal drugs because I feel hopeless that she will come up with anything that helps.

Rive. · Jul 13, 2020 at 07:38 AM

Why can't you be on my side? Who needs a repeat of 'real' life in therapy..

You're doing more harm than good.

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 13, 2020 at 11:31 AM

Everything is changing so quickly, and so slowly.
Feels like a long time before I'll see you again, and even longer before some sense of 'normal' returns.

I can't handle wearing a mask, and really don't want anything to get in the way of the connection between us.

What a ****ing mess.

*Beth* · 12:34 PM

If the internet connection isn't working today I'm not going to have a superficial check in with you on the phone. If it doesn't work, see you whenever.
------------------------------

So you cancelled again today because you're not feeling well. You cancelled a few sessions ago, then no internet connection on Thursday. Now my appointment postponed until Wednesday.

I love getting cancellations 1 hour before my appointment Thanks a ton.

I feel so discouraged. I'm losing connection with you and in part, I wonder if it's best to just skip this week altogether. I'm tired of taking care of you.

Lemoncake · Jul 13, 2020 at 01:10 PM

Meeting up with two of my old best friends went well. I expected one to show up but the other one came too! We spent 4 hours together and it was lovely.

Thank you for encouraging me to make contact which I did straight after last session.

Lonelyinmyheart · Jul 13, 2020 at 01:46 PM

I miss you so much at the moment.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 13, 2020 at 01:53 PM

is it wednesday yet

susannahsays · Jul 13, 2020 at 07:37 PM

You should be worried about me!

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 14, 2020 at 04:23 AM

Please don't let me off the hook as regards talking about what happened last night.

The random crying is unbearable, but apparently it does happen.

I hate it, because I feel hollow afterwards.

susannahsays · Jul 14, 2020 at 06:06 AM

Would you be mad if I was a little buzzed in my session? I don't want to upset you.

Lemoncake · 03:26 PM

I've actually been happy today.

With the London stuff- I just paid someone to act as a power of attorney and sort it all for me. It's a huge weight off my shoulders,but I feel guilty about not being there for my sisters.

*Beth* · Jul 14, 2020 at 04:34 PM

I'm truly sorry that you're out sick again. It's just that when you have to be out as often as you are, maybe it's time for you to retire?

Mountaindewed · Jul 14, 2020 at 05:52 PM

I have regressed a lot since March. largely due to my hormones. Partly due to the pandemic. Also partly due to you. I’m hoping to get back on track.

daisydid · Jul 14, 2020 at 06:06 PM

Possible trigger:

you stupid effing idiot. how do you let me go without asking if im okay when im obviously not okay. i wish i was dead

nottrustin · Jul 14, 2020 at 07:06 PM

OMG. What an intense session today. Only one before in all my years on therapy have I felt so exhausted after an appointment because we went so deep.

Thank you for working through this with me...even though I feel horrible at the moment.

Rive. · Jul 14, 2020 at 07:14 PM

How can we fix this? Can we fix this?? I don't think we can...

You just keep messing up instead of...

MissUdy · Jul 14, 2020 at 07:20 PM

Couldn’t tell if you were comfortable with what we talked about today or not. I have more to say about it, if you’ll let me.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 14, 2020 at 08:36 PM

i am sooooo ready to talk tomorrow afternoon.

daisydid · Jul 14, 2020 at 09:50 PM

Oh look at the two of us, having a rupture.

Possible trigger:

I’m making progress because the last time this happened I SH really badly, but I haven’t tonight. Boy I want to though.

puzzclar · Jul 14, 2020 at 10:24 PM

T,
Today was good. It was weird being late for the appointment. It threw me off a bit. I'm scared to talk to Med provider, as I said but I know it's best for me to speak my mind. I ultimately want to be OFF medications. My mind has the power to overcome my past, and I need to let it. I"m stronger now then I have been. IT feels WONDERFUL!!! Reading has been helping me, and I want you to read it too. I want to break barriers both with those who are survivors and professionals. We need to be at equal footing with each other. Is that too hard to understand???

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

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Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,014 10	Jul 13, 2020 at 07:38 AM #342 Why can't you be on my side? Who needs a repeat of 'real' life in therapy.. You're doing more harm than good.

Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,698 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Jul 13, 2020 at 01:10 PM #345 Meeting up with two of my old best friends went well. I expected one to show up but the other one came too! We spent 4 hours together and it was lovely. Thank you for encouraging me to make contact which I did straight after last session. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

Lonelyinmyheart Poohbah Member Since Jun 2019 Location: Earth Posts: 1,093 4 1,732 hugs given	Jul 13, 2020 at 01:46 PM #346 I miss you so much at the moment.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,234 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,764 hugs given	Jul 13, 2020 at 01:53 PM #347 is it wednesday yet

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 13, 2020 at 07:37 PM #348 You should be worried about me! __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 14, 2020 at 06:06 AM #350 Would you be mad if I was a little buzzed in my session? I don't want to upset you. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jul 14, 2020 at 04:34 PM #352 I'm truly sorry that you're out sick again. It's just that when you have to be out as often as you are, maybe it's time for you to retire? __________________

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,188 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,764 hugs given	Jul 14, 2020 at 05:52 PM #353 I have regressed a lot since March. largely due to my hormones. Partly due to the pandemic. Also partly due to you. I’m hoping to get back on track. __________________ Ridin' with Biden

daisydid Member Member Since Oct 2018 Location: the astral plane Posts: 493 5 375 hugs given	Jul 14, 2020 at 06:06 PM #354 Possible trigger: you stupid effing idiot. how do you let me go without asking if im okay when im obviously not okay. i wish i was dead

nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Jul 14, 2020 at 07:06 PM #355 OMG. What an intense session today. Only one before in all my years on therapy have I felt so exhausted after an appointment because we went so deep. Thank you for working through this with me...even though I feel horrible at the moment. __________________

Rive. Magnate Member Since Sep 2013 Posts: 2,014 10	Jul 14, 2020 at 07:14 PM #356 How can we fix this? Can we fix this?? I don't think we can... You just keep messing up instead of...

MissUdy Member Member Since Mar 2020 Location: Wales Posts: 197 4 269 hugs given	Jul 14, 2020 at 07:20 PM #357 Couldn’t tell if you were comfortable with what we talked about today or not. I have more to say about it, if you’ll let me.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,234 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,764 hugs given	Jul 14, 2020 at 08:36 PM #358 i am sooooo ready to talk tomorrow afternoon.

daisydid Member Member Since Oct 2018 Location: the astral plane Posts: 493 5 375 hugs given	Jul 14, 2020 at 09:50 PM #359 Oh look at the two of us, having a rupture. Possible trigger: I’m making progress because the last time this happened I SH really badly, but I haven’t tonight. Boy I want to though.