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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,236
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,766 hugs
given |
#381
gulp - i did it, L - i published my fairy tale on kindle. i shouldn't worry about my mom seeing it because she knows darn well how my childhood was and will see the parallels but i didn't give anyone names in the story. there's the unhappy princess, the duke and duchess, the fairy grandmother, and the evil queen - all the typical fairy tale characters - but i did not want to give any of them actual names. the unhappy princess just happens to have certain parts of my childhood. no one outside of my immediate family will know that though as it's not something i ever share with anyone else (other than you of course). I don't know why this is exactly but I am feeling lately this very strong calling to start putting my writing out there for the world to see. Maybe it's because our work lately is resulting in an internal shifting of sorts where I'm starting to be more concerned with being whole than with being perfect good little girl?!
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chihirochild, nottrustin, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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growlycat, LonesomeTonight
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#382
Proud of you Artie!
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
ArtieTheSequal
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,360
7 4,865 hugs
given |
#383
Dear T,
Why can’t you be supportive and warm instead of distant and punitive? -c |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,199
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,765 hugs
given |
#384
I’m trying to lay off on the emails and not send one until Tuesday. But I think you get secretly worried about me when I don’t send one everyday. I’m ok though. I just panic a bit at night when the creepy thoughts come into my head.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,236
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,766 hugs
given |
#385
you would have been proud of me earlier. long story which i'll share on Wednesday but i caught myself starting to enter a guilt storm and i saw it and i did what you suggested and i was able to stop it and let it go. it worked. how about that.
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SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,796
12 3,129 hugs
given |
#386
Teletherapy is the ultimate trust fall. The more I think about this, the more I realise it's true.
I think the remark I made at the end of last session needs another conversation. For that to happen, I am going to have to trust you more than ever, and trust me more than ever. To trust that there is nothing 'wrong' with my experience...and that is hard. Yes, many people are having a difficult time at the moment, but that doesn't mean that I have to put my experiences aside. Somewhat dreading Thursday, if I am honest. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2017
Location: Closet
Posts: 842
6 678 hugs
given |
#387
I really want to say what's on my mind without all the hesitation, hedging, anxiety etc. I'm not sure how to do it but just to do it, but all those words have been behind a wall in my head for so long, it's as though they are physically unspeakable.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,355
5 1 hugs
given |
#388
I want to tell you about my grow plans but I know you don't approve.
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,698
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#389
School starts in 36 days.
You leave in 15 days. You come back in 50 days. Am I making a mistake?. You're starting to feel less real. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,755
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#390
Dear T,
Today I went and looked at cars and even sat inside a few (masked, then sanitized hands immediately after), all in 90-degree heat, which is stressful for me in a non-pandemic. Then H and I had a beer outside (D had water) at a socially distanced brewery, where all tables were 6 feet apart, all waiters wore masks, menus were electronic. I think this is progress, right? And I noticed that the WiFi worked outside at the brewery, so maybe I could possibly do work out there one afternoon in the next week or two? Trying to find tiny steps toward returning to something from my pre-pandemic life while taking precautions (and the car thing is kinda necessary...unless I want to just buy something blind). Love, LT |
chihirochild, SlumberKitty
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,621
14 101 hugs
given |
#391
I don't want to call you! But there is a LOT happening. An abscess, a job I'm starting to hate, and then there is my lack of direction. I can feel the spiraling starting. And yet here I sit, venting online. I'm scared and I need something.
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growlycat, Lonelyinmyheart, LonesomeTonight, MissUdy, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,093
4 1,732 hugs
given |
#392
You are the biggest gift to my life that there could possibly be. I am so grateful to you and for you. You're everything I want to be as a person.
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growlycat, LonesomeTonight, MissUdy, SlumberKitty
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,698
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#393
I'm back on speaking terms with all four of my old best friends but I've fallen out with creepy guy since last saturday and he actually used the line "you're pushing me away". To which I replied I didn't care.
I'm not very good at being a friend am I? I almost wobbled and emailed you. I'm okay now. Like everything else it passes. You leave in 14 days and come back in 49. Maybe I won't return to therapy afterwards. School again in 35. I feel behind and we haven't even started. Today was just 30 mins of pharm and one lecture. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, MissUdy, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,236
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,766 hugs
given |
#394
As usual, I want what I can't have.
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chihirochild, growlycat, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, MissUdy, SlumberKitty
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growlycat, susannahsays
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,355
5 1 hugs
given |
#395
I haven't texted you since my last session. Ha! I do have some self control after all.
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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MissUdy
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,755
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#396
Dear T,
Well, tomorrow we can perhaps talk more about how my mom doesn't seem willing to see me as an adult capable of making well-researched, good decisions. Seriously, her comment of "Maybe if you hadn't chosen some fly-by-night repair shop." WTF was that??? I did my research. They specialize in VWs. I didn't go back to the dealer because I had issues with how they handled things the last time. I trust them when they say it's not safe to work on, that she doubts any technician would feel safe with it, and included videos to show what's going on. And I love how she was like, "Have you started looking at cars?" Duh, of course I have! I imagine she'll question my choice in whichever one I end up with even though I've checked Consumer Reports, Edmunds, and asked for personal experience from Facebook friends. Sigh...I guess the big difference right now from how I may have reacted even 5 years ago is that I'm angry at her rather than sitting here doubting myself. I mean, I didn't tell her I was annoyed, but we were on Facetime with my daughter there, so that would have been awkward. I just defended my choice briefly. Still, I think that's progress, and I'm pretty sure you'd agree. And you helped me get here. Love, LT |
ArtieTheSequal, SlumberKitty
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susannahsays
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,199
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,765 hugs
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#397
If I bought legit over the counter sleeping pills, not melatonin, would you fire me? I’m pretty sure Pdoc would. I mean, I can still add stuff to my Walmart order until 1:45 this morning. I’m really tempted to.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,236
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,766 hugs
given |
#398
i am sad.
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chihirochild, growlycat, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,355
5 1 hugs
given |
#399
I'm going to perish from my ant sting wounds! My ankle is probably gangrenous. Or "gangerous" as you call it.
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,621
14 101 hugs
given |
#400
Pain level isn't bad, unless I put pressure on my right side of my face. I keep thinking of what to do for today. And what the dentist will say/when the appointment will be/what work will say. I have 4 hours to wait. I should sleep.
Why can't I be normal? Why did the bullies have to affect me so much? I hate my life. I don't know what I want. I know what some tests say, counseling or psychology would be a good fit. But will I be happy? Will it be too much? If it wasn't dark out I'd go for a walk. I'm thinking too much. Calling seems like a bad idea, yet I know it would help. But what can you do? I'd be getting feedback. Instead of I don't knows. I want to move out. Having no money is an issue. |
ArtieTheSequal, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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