Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 23, 2020 at 05:35 PM

What a great freaking homework assignment. I should have done this YEARS ago. I started by answering the question you posed but this is evolving into so much more.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 23, 2020 at 06:55 PM

I hate when I want to tell you stuff the day after a session. Especially the stuff about how I felt when you said to really look at the picture of 4 year old me and tell you how it made me feel. I was so immersed in the feelings yesterday afternoon I wasn't capable of speaking them! How do you DO that?! Ask questions in such a way to send me back in time 54 years. I deeply felt her vulnerability and shame (things she didn't have words for yet) and yeah it was uncomfortable. I felt like I was that age again.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 23, 2020 at 07:14 PM

I think that yesterday, if I had been in your office when you asked me to say what I was feeling about little me in the picture, I would have gotten up and done a sand tray. That would have been really helpful to 'talk' in the sand and you were right to think it would have been. But I can't risk coming in there again yet. I just can't. Covid sucks.

Damn it, now I want us to do a sand tray together again and it makes me sad that we never did.

nottrustin · Jul 23, 2020 at 07:56 PM

I really, really want to stop therapy until covid is over. I know it will be months before we meet in person again. The longer this goes on the harder it gets, the more frustrated and mad I get.

mugwort2 · Jul 23, 2020 at 10:07 PM

Sometimes I find progress reports a hassle because a lot of times not certain of my goals. Or how to express them.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 23, 2020 at 11:03 PM

I feel like a chunk of my session yest was wasted because of that stupid picture. I wanna talk about this writing I did. I wonder if you'll even want to read it?

velcro003 · Jul 24, 2020 at 12:59 AM

Hmmmm...what are the chances that you forgot to call me this week? I know, there is still tomorrow...but I haven't heard from you. I hate not knowing when we are going to talk.

junkDNA · Jul 24, 2020 at 03:40 AM

Hey bub

I appreciate you and your calling me twice a week and I also look forward to when we can meet in person again but for now your phone calls help me get thru all the crazy stuff. Thank you very much I CARE ABOUT U VERY MUCH

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 24, 2020 at 05:08 AM

All that fuss over one sentence, when we'll continue the conversation anyway.
Emotional Lost is struggling, for sure.

Lemoncake · 08:51 AM

I feel very hurt by you.

I'm scared to do final year on my own.

Yeah I did message you today and I feel so pathetic. Think I've embarrassed myself enough.

Possible trigger:

It feels like too much at once. It will be 3 months for x's death is in 4 days. One year for my grandmother in exactly two weeks and now you .

ArtieTheSequal · 12:29 PM

1745 words into this homework and I'm starting to get angry with you. Angry that you were so directive the other day telling me that I need to take action. Do you really think that I don't know that? Don't you know that I wouldn't keep coming back to you if I knew HOW to take action in those areas I need to? Good goddess woman. ****. I hate being mad at you.

SlumberKitty · Jul 24, 2020 at 10:37 AM

Dear T: Can't wait to talk tomorrow. Kit

Lemoncake · Jul 24, 2020 at 12:47 PM

Possible trigger:

I had very strong SH urges today.

Heck even told my mother I wanted to die.

I started looking at skype therapists after composing a message to someone I messaged the other T I saw back in February. I wanted to see someone older and someone I wouldn't necessarily be attracted to.

I feel like such a **** up.

SlumberKitty · Jul 24, 2020 at 12:52 PM

HUGS @Lemoncake

Lemoncake · Jul 24, 2020 at 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

HUGS @Lemoncake

Maybe therapy isn't for me.

I spent the last 10 mins on outlook trying to recall the email I sent T2.

Request was sent at 20:17 so fingers crossed it works.

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 24, 2020 at 03:28 PM

Second time in two sessions you've mentioned running. I don't move that fast.

Reminds me of this song, though.

'The river is my saviour
She's running to the sea
And to reach her destination is to simply cease to be

Running 'til you're nothing sounds a lot like being free
So I'll lay myself inside her, and I'll let her carry me..'

River - Jason Isbell

SlumberKitty · Jul 24, 2020 at 03:34 PM

Aw, Lost, that song is kind of sad. At least it seems so to me. Hope you're doing okay. HUGS Kit

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 24, 2020 at 03:36 PM

so. this anger. it's not about what i thought. it's about your comment awhile back "Not this again". I thought I was supposed to be able to talk about anything. whatever happened to that huh?

susannahsays · Jul 24, 2020 at 05:38 PM

You're mean.

*Beth* · Jul 24, 2020 at 08:14 PM

Can't you at least send me an email? We've missed weeks! I know you're sick, but I also know you can email 2 sentences to me so I really do know you're coming back at some point this summer.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,239 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,774 hugs given	Jul 23, 2020 at 05:35 PM #421 What a great freaking homework assignment. I should have done this YEARS ago. I started by answering the question you posed but this is evolving into so much more.

nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Jul 23, 2020 at 07:56 PM #424 I really, really want to stop therapy until covid is over. I know it will be months before we meet in person again. The longer this goes on the harder it gets, the more frustrated and mad I get. __________________

mugwort2 Poohbah Member Since Aug 2015 Location: Philadelphia PA. Posts: 1,291 8 28 hugs given	Jul 23, 2020 at 10:07 PM #425 Sometimes I find progress reports a hassle because a lot of times not certain of my goals. Or how to express them.

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,239 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,774 hugs given	Jul 23, 2020 at 11:03 PM #426 I feel like a chunk of my session yest was wasted because of that stupid picture. I wanna talk about this writing I did. I wonder if you'll even want to read it?

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Jul 24, 2020 at 12:59 AM #427 Hmmmm...what are the chances that you forgot to call me this week? I know, there is still tomorrow...but I haven't heard from you. I hate not knowing when we are going to talk.

junkDNA Comfy Sedation Member Since Sep 2012 Location: the woods Posts: 19,301 (SuperPoster!) 11 8,149 hugs given	Jul 24, 2020 at 03:40 AM #428 Hey bub I appreciate you and your calling me twice a week and I also look forward to when we can meet in person again but for now your phone calls help me get thru all the crazy stuff. Thank you very much I CARE ABOUT U VERY MUCH __________________

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jul 24, 2020 at 10:37 AM #432 Dear T: Can't wait to talk tomorrow. Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jul 24, 2020 at 12:52 PM #434 HUGS @Lemoncake __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA

SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 5 117.7k hugs given	Jul 24, 2020 at 03:34 PM #437 Aw, Lost, that song is kind of sad. At least it seems so to me. Hope you're doing okay. HUGS Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,239 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,774 hugs given	Jul 24, 2020 at 03:36 PM #438 so. this anger. it's not about what i thought. it's about your comment awhile back "Not this again". I thought I was supposed to be able to talk about anything. whatever happened to that huh?

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 24, 2020 at 05:38 PM #439 You're mean. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jul 24, 2020 at 08:14 PM #440 Can't you at least send me an email? We've missed weeks! I know you're sick, but I also know you can email 2 sentences to me so I really do know you're coming back at some point this summer. __________________