Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

Lemoncake · 01:18 AM

Wonder if I will regret not going to a termination session.

But anyway three days, 2 hours, 32 mins to get through.

p.s I've booked a ticket back to London anyway. I leave on the 31st.

Quietmind 2 · Jul 25, 2020 at 01:12 AM

Hey T,

I don't like it when you say you expect better / deeper answers after 5 years of therapy. But I'm glad you highlighted that old me 5 years ago would have kicked your dustbin and hurt myself and banged the table.

LostOnTheTrail · Jul 25, 2020 at 07:42 AM

It's like a form of paralysis. My get up and go has got up and gone...
And now I have Feelings, too many of them, all of the time.
Sorry about that obsession over the one sentence email.
I think we need to talk more about C.I. for sure.

susannahsays · Jul 25, 2020 at 10:29 AM

You were so bossy last session and I feel defiant and rebellious as a result.

Also, you scared me talking about how I might have to go live in a residential facility. You must know I would never agree to that, so I wonder how exactly you think that would happen and it worries me.

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 25, 2020 at 02:27 PM

thanks for calling after you read my rescheduling email, and being gracious about my request. I finished the story I told you about, want to do one final re-write before I send it to you. And the homework - I doubt you're gonna want to read that. I suppose i could send it to you and you can charge me for half a session to read it that's probably how long it would take

I have a hunch thought that that particular assignment was more for me anyway, I imagine that you probably already know all of it anyway....

LonesomeTonight · Jul 25, 2020 at 03:49 PM

Dear T,
Thanks for being so caring. Your response to my texting you about my uncle passing away today is such a stark contrast to how you reacted to a similar (though less sudden/shocking) situation 2 years ago, when you'd said I was being "intrusive" for saying why I wanted an earlier session. I'm glad we can talk tomorrow. It's not so much that I was super-close with this uncle as how his mental health and addiction struggles resonate with me. I don't want to end up like him. I just hate how last night I was thinking "maybe I can start reducing sessions"... I also want some help on how to support my mom and aunt beyond what I'm already doing. I feel so helpless. In normal times, I'd go to them, but with Covid...I don't know what to do. Especially with D being in camp now and my having a sore throat today (hoping allergies and/or stress from buying car).
Love you,
LT

Mountaindewed · Jul 25, 2020 at 03:58 PM

I feel like your always really supportive, and you agree with me and always validate my emotions. But you don’t ever seem to push me to get outside my comfort zone. And I don’t know why.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 25, 2020 at 04:35 PM

Dear T,
And I wish I could see you in person....
Love,
LT

ArtieTheSequal · Jul 25, 2020 at 04:50 PM

I just sent you my newest fairy tale. I hope you have time to read it but it's kinda long so you might not. At least it's not as long as the other writing I'm still working on... haha

velcro003 · Jul 26, 2020 at 12:48 AM

thanks for the encouragement today to get out of bed. if only you could do it every day

Lemoncake · Jul 26, 2020 at 04:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Wonder if I will regret not going to a termination session.

But anyway three days, 2 hours, 32 mins to get through.

p.s I've booked a ticket back to London anyway. I leave on the 31st.

1 day 23 hours 25 mins ....

Lemoncake · Jul 26, 2020 at 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

1 day 23 hours 25 mins ....

The email recall for the second T didn't work.

He emailed saying that he does actually have availability on monday at seven.

First intro session is a freebie so I don't have anything to lose I guess.

puzzclar · Jul 26, 2020 at 08:13 AM

T,
You've got me thinking that what do I have to lose. Going back to grad school is a tough decision. I know my end goal but I'm fearful. What if I have to withdraw because of stress? What if my body is in more pain because of the stress? This is what replays in my head. Last night I started to refresh my memory of countertransference. I hope.... No I will have the book read by Friday. That's a big goal and I'll have to read 12% each day to get there. It's doable. I have to start working on that assignment for my SDP part of my program, and I need to have it done before the new term starts. If all goes well. I have healthy things in place, I just need to do them. No excuses!

nikon · Jul 26, 2020 at 12:05 PM

I'm so tired. It is starting to feel like life is never going to work out. I can be ok for a few months at best, and then slide down the hill slowly, and mostly slide right across the line that separates the ability to get up myself and the times I end up in hospital. It really feels pointless when I just keep going down again and again. Like, what is the point in getting "better" if it doesn't last, and I never get the chance to stick to anything because I'm only motivated for weeks or, at most, a few months. No money, no job, no real hope, actually. Probably going to have to move in with my parents again, and when I spend the night there I wake up feeling ****. Noise is getting too loud at the moment and I often just want to hide.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 26, 2020 at 01:33 PM

Dear T,
Thank you for being there and sharing some of yourself today.
Love you,
LT

susannahsays · Jul 26, 2020 at 02:30 PM

I'm angry with you. How dare you.

Lemoncake · Jul 26, 2020 at 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

The email recall for the second T didn't work.

He emailed saying that he does actually have availability on monday at seven.

First intro session is a freebie so I don't have anything to lose I guess.

I cancelled on the T called H. It sounds pathetic but it just made me too anxious.

Lonelyinmyheart · Jul 26, 2020 at 03:26 PM

You are the most beautiful person in the world.

comrademoomoo · Jul 26, 2020 at 03:40 PM

Oh for crying out loud, get a grip.

puzzclar · Jul 26, 2020 at 06:28 PM

I made my choice. Sent the emails. And will be returning to grad school. I'm nervous and anxious and excited... all in one second.

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

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Lemoncake Luna's offical mini me. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,698 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Jul 25, 2020 at 12:58 AM #441 Wonder if I will regret not going to a termination session. But anyway three days, 2 hours, 32 mins to get through. p.s I've booked a ticket back to London anyway. I leave on the 31st. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." Last edited by Lemoncake; Jul 25, 2020 at 01:18 AM..

Quietmind 2 Poohbah Member Since Jan 2020 Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave Posts: 1,243 4 8 hugs given	Jul 25, 2020 at 01:12 AM #442 Hey T, I don't like it when you say you expect better / deeper answers after 5 years of therapy. But I'm glad you highlighted that old me 5 years ago would have kicked your dustbin and hurt myself and banged the table.

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 36,202 (SuperPoster!) 7 8,768 hugs given	Jul 25, 2020 at 03:58 PM #447 I feel like your always really supportive, and you agree with me and always validate my emotions. But you don’t ever seem to push me to get outside my comfort zone. And I don’t know why. __________________ Ridin' with Biden

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,755 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Jul 25, 2020 at 04:35 PM #448 Dear T, And I wish I could see you in person.... Love, LT

ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert Posts: 7,236 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,767 hugs given	Jul 25, 2020 at 04:50 PM #449 I just sent you my newest fairy tale. I hope you have time to read it but it's kinda long so you might not. At least it's not as long as the other writing I'm still working on... haha

velcro003 Elder Member Since Oct 2008 Posts: 7,361 15 25 hugs given	Jul 26, 2020 at 12:48 AM #450 thanks for the encouragement today to get out of bed. if only you could do it every day

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,755 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Jul 26, 2020 at 01:33 PM #455 Dear T, Thank you for being there and sharing some of yourself today. Love you, LT

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Jul 26, 2020 at 02:30 PM #456 I'm angry with you. How dare you. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

Lonelyinmyheart Poohbah Member Since Jun 2019 Location: Earth Posts: 1,093 4 1,732 hugs given	Jul 26, 2020 at 03:26 PM #458 You are the most beautiful person in the world.

comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,711 5	Jul 26, 2020 at 03:40 PM #459 Oh for crying out loud, get a grip.

puzzclar Elder Member Since Jan 2010 Location: Where? US Posts: 5,621 14 101 hugs given	Jul 26, 2020 at 06:28 PM #460 I made my choice. Sent the emails. And will be returning to grad school. I'm nervous and anxious and excited... all in one second.