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Old 06-29-2020, 11:10 AM   #231
ArtieTheSequal
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

i really feel like i won't be able to face you ever again. yet you're the only person i even want to talk to about how i feel.
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Old 06-29-2020, 04:27 PM   #232
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

I need to call you. I'm in a shame storm.
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Old 06-29-2020, 04:43 PM   #233
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

Sorry about that ranty email. I get why your not responding. To be fair I didnít ask for you to reply either. But I didnít say not to.

Also why did you stare so intensely at my face last week? You havenít been really looking at me much lately but last week you stared at me for about 10 seconds until I looked away.
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Old 06-29-2020, 08:32 PM   #234
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

No, I don't. I honestly do not.
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Old 06-29-2020, 08:39 PM   #235
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

I wish you would text me before my other appointment in the morning. You didn't last time though, so you probably won't this time. You could have at least mentioned it when you texted me about scheduling today. I know that's outside of our usual boundaries, but this is different, right?
Maybe it'll go fine and we'll have nothing to talk about and I'll decide I must have been faking my reaction the last few times.
Maybe I'll dissociate or cry again and still not know why. Which still isn't really anything to talk about. What is there to say? There's nothing to work with.
I know it's terrible, but I almost wish there was something to remember, something to work through, an explanation.
You were so concerned and kind and compassionate and gentle the first time when I told you. I wish I deserved that. Instead I just feel icky and guilty because I know that I don't. I feel like a liar and a fraud for letting you be concerned, for letting myself consider the possibility that there's something to be concerned about even though I know there isn't.
I still wish you'd text me.
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Old 06-29-2020, 08:51 PM   #236
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

i'm afraid to look at my email.
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Old 06-30-2020, 01:26 AM   #237
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

For the first time in response to your email. I want to say "message received lets discuss in session".

Two hours and four mins left...
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Old 06-30-2020, 04:51 AM   #238
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

I want good restorative sleep. I think it's the new med. My mind is going nuts, it's almost 3am and I have had one bad dream already. I don't like meds right now. It's not the answer.
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Old 06-30-2020, 08:27 AM   #239
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

You really should know better. Thank you for hurting me. Again.
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Old 06-30-2020, 08:43 AM   #240
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

You havenít responded to anything in days and I havenít gotten any notification about our session. Are you ok?
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