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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
4 23.7k hugs
given |
#521
I'm frustrated and furious at you for putting me in this stressful position and I feel foolish, because it me who is putting myself in this anxious state, not you.
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LonesomeTonight, nottrustin, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,239
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,774 hugs
given |
#522
And t, i really wish i could let myself come in there and do some sand trays. i also think non-verbal workings out would be good right now. but i can't and i wish you could understand that. if there's even a remote chance i'd be putting you at risk for getting sick again... just, no. i can't. i can't.
maybe after work today i'll get my paints out and do some painting. there were some square wooden boards in the packaging of the treadmill i kept them and am going to sand them and use them to paint on. if i come up with anything i like enough i'll hang them on the wall behind the couch where i sit for our video sessions so you can see them. |
LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty
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LonesomeTonight
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,714
5 |
#523
Our mutual hobby is giving me so much pleasure and life at the moment. I wonder how much of that is due to the fact that you shared your interest in it? I hope not, I don't want you ruining it at some future point.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 36,225
(SuperPoster!)
7 8,779 hugs
given |
#524
Our first in person session in over 140 days will probably be spent mostly just staring at each other awkwardly seeing how much the other has changed over quarantine. Me especially.
__________________ Ridin' with Biden |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,193
9 2,235 hugs
given |
#525
Thanks for answering my email and showing concern. I'm glad pdoc wants me to get vitals done in his office this week to see how my blood pressure is doing
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Tweaky Dog
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 4,798
12 3,131 hugs
given |
#526
There's a balance between the openness that is necessary for me to get through this period of time, and 'laying it all out on the carpet', as my wonderful Canadian friend introduced me to a couple of weeks ago.
I can feel myself beginning to withdraw, in all kinds of less than healthy ways. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329
(SuperPoster!)
5 117.7k hugs
given |
#527
Dear T: I am thinking of doing the exercise you suggested. That's as far as I've gotten. Since you've texted me, I now want to text you. But I don't want to start that form of communication. I don't want to have to anticipate your next text. Wish I could hug you today. Kit
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
LonesomeTonight
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,239
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,774 hugs
given |
#528
I really would like to talk to you this week. But I don't have any good reason for it. You can't make the damn pandemic go away. I am working on re-establishing my spiritual practice so am hoping that will help.
Anxiety sucketh. |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2017
Location: North America
Posts: 2,360
7 4,865 hugs
given |
#529
Dear T,
Things are not going well. I hate studying and apparently I'm not good at it anymore. (Not sure when that happened--as recently as January I was a real champ.) I don't think this thing with J is going to work out now that he lives in another town. And my stomach hurts. I haven't told you that I went off my MAOI for a few weeks (I went back on it a few days ago), that all of a sudden I noticed that I can drink 32 oz of beer in an evening and not really feel anything (before COVID I used to get drunk off of half a beer), and that I'm still picking at my skin literally every day. Maybe I should just tell you. But you would be so mad. -c |
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Luna's offical mini me.
Member Since May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,700
(SuperPoster!)
6 10.2k hugs
given |
#530
Sometimes i think there will be times where I will feel just s**t and it doesn't matter how much I talk-it won't change anything.
I don't have words for how I feel right now. Paying you £45 an hour to watch me cry won't solve anything. I went back to the pharmacy to see X's brother and give him the biscuits I bought after putting it off since I came back. I also offered to work a few hours to just help out. P.s I also did check on the Uk website I'm not required to self isolate despite travelling. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing." |
ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,764
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#531
Dear T,
Just frustrated with life in general right now...The car thing...everything. Love, LT Last edited by LonesomeTonight; Aug 04, 2020 at 09:12 PM.. |
nottrustin, SlumberKitty
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...............
Member Since Sep 2006
Location: in my head
Posts: 2,911
17 8,779 hugs
given |
#532
Dear Dr. S, that was one weird session. I don't know what to think about forgetting our end of session routine. We've only been doing it forever it seems. I don't feel like the person that has that routine. I was really confused when you first did your part of the routine, unsure what you were talking about. Then it was ah yeah, that's right we do this thing. BTW that was pretty sneaky how you slipped that question in. I guess we should talk about it some.
I kind of feel like I should email you about the routine thing. I don't have anything to say about it. It's hard to care about things when you feel like .."as if I matter" Just tired. I also feel dangerously close to a binge - the pressure is getting really too much. Maybe we should see each other in person sooner than planned. -me |
Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jun 2018
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 3,355
5 1 hugs
given |
#533
Thanks for nothing!
__________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
Elio, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,193
9 2,235 hugs
given |
#534
I wish we were seeing each other in-person because husband is home on vacation and can overhear everything i talk about so I'll have to censor myself.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: n/a
Posts: 4,819
10 375 hugs
given |
#535
Of all the sessions to lose internet connection, it had to be last night, just when you said something that I took very personally and we were discussing my abandonment issues. Having the last 10 minutes on the phone on the one day you scheduled an appointment after me was really hard. Literally it was the perfect storm for a bad appointment. Thanks to tropical storm Isaias....
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Elio, LonesomeTonight, Polibeth, SlumberKitty
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,239
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,774 hugs
given |
#536
I'm feeling sad today. I just got the news that one of my old camp co-counselors passed away this morning from an aggressive cancer. I only just found out a few days ago that she'd been sick; we hadn't been in touch since camp years in the 1980's but I remember her fondly. One of my other friends from those days that I'm still in contact with let me know. I'm sad about her family's loss, anxious about the pandemic, politics/the state of our country right now, and feeling stress about all the changes h has us in the middle of financially right now and I don't 'see' you again until 8/14. I'm hangin' in the best I can doing more online circles with my drumming group every week, and continuing my "deep journaling" which is therapeutic in itself. I'm able to catch myself at the beginning of anxiety attacks now and talk myself down and out of them, it's not easy by a long shot, but I'm doing it. I felt one coming on just writing this post here and I stopped for a few minutes to just breathe and focus on the good stuff that's happening right now too. Like my 2 friends who just sold their houses and are now full-time RV'ers. And my son got a new(er) car to replace the old heap that finally broke down. And my Mom, at 80 is healthy and so far avoiding covid by staying at home. And you recovered from having covid. There's still lots of good things. I can't let myself lose sight of them.
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Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Lemoncake
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert
Posts: 7,239
(SuperPoster!)
4 5,774 hugs
given |
#537
I keep thinking about you suggesting that I come in person and do some sand trays. I want to of course, I do, but I just can't help remembering how I felt after coming there in June when you sent that email saying it was too risky and you were going back to telesessions, how I felt so guilty because I had come in, I was so afraid that I had put you at risk somehow by doing so. I'm not sick now and I wasn't sick then but as I told you last week there's just so much we still don't know about this stupid virus. I know you feel invincible now because you got over it and you have what you call the cure, and I appreciate the information that you gave me, but still, I do not want you to get sick again. It is not worth the risk and I can't do it.
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LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Member
Member Since Sep 2017
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 136
6 51 hugs
given |
#538
Dear T
We’ve talked a lot about how eerily similar we are in terms of our personalities, attachments, worldviews and hobbies. I have often wondered if this is you just faking it so I would trust you so you could do your job as a therapist effectively. But it’s been years and our conversations seem to have been genuine. We have bonded over the years about painting and now we’re about to venture outside the therapy room to paint together. Is this a bad idea? I’ve always been good at separating the you I see in therapy and the you I see outside of therapy. I’ve always been able to make that distinction well. Will I still be able to do that when we do this? |
LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty
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Lonelyinmyheart
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,764
(SuperPoster!)
9 75k hugs
given |
#539
Dear T,
Please be kind and caring rather than defensive in your response. Love, LT |
Elio, SlumberKitty
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: Somewhere in a cloud
Posts: 719
6 479 hugs
given |
#540
Did I just annoy you? I can't quite tell.
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Elio, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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Closed Thread |
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