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Old 07-03-2020, 08:50 PM   #271
LonesomeTonight
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

Dear T,
I feel like you care more about my well-being than my H does. Or at least you consider aspects of it that likely wouldn't even occur to him. I know you're a professional, so it's more natural for you to consider some of that stuff. I still think it's a problem. Not in the sense of ET, because I think I generally don't have that toward you, aside from fleeting moments. But more in the sense of...my H *should* consider some of that stuff. He should be more concerned about my emotional well-being. You don't react that much to my crying, but you still seem to react more than he does. I'm pretty sure I've seen you wipe away tears in response to things I've said, most recently today. I haven't seen H do that, even if I'm sitting here on the couch sobbing.

H yelled at me tonight (and at D), so that's likely coloring some of this. My brain jumps to emailing you, but it's a holiday weekend, and we just had an email exchange Wed-Thurs. I'll just try to tell myself what I think you'd say to me. And then maybe we can talk about it Monday, unless more pressing matters have come up by then.


And, OK, I keep thinking about how you looked almost stricken when I said how I appreciated what you said in the email, how I'm not alone and how I read that to be how this is affecting so many people, and that I appreciate you suggesting that it's affecting you, too. I would have discussed what I sensed from your reaction, but it was the end of session on a holiday weekend. Still, I guess I just wished you'd said, "I'm glad it was helpful." I feel the times you reveal some of yourself, put yourself out there a bit, it's like I need to just appreciate it without acknowledging it to you. I wish you could just understand and accept how it helps me, without making it into some other thing. Because if I say something, then you might get all weird. It's OK to let yourself out there a bit. It doesn't make this like it was with ex-MC. It's a very different relationship. And I value it.
Love,
LT
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Old Yesterday, 10:04 AM   #272
LostOnTheTrail
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

Still having a difficult landing after Thursday's conversation.
Finished work, deep breaths, don't give in to the wave of feeling.
All this crying feels really ****ing childish.
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Old Yesterday, 04:20 PM   #273
ArtieTheSequal
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

L, I did the piece of homework re: what i want to do today for my bday. I have already done 2 of the things. The 3rd will be as soon as h wakes up from his nap, we're going to drive through our local National Park and then my son and his gf are coming over and bringing dinner that we will share outside on my patio in a socially distanced fashion.


I am grateful for your being honest with me this past week even thought it was a really tough session.

Last edited by ArtieTheSequal; Yesterday at 07:14 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 05:37 PM   #274
Mountaindewed
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

This weekend has been ok so far. I致e been doing good with my mindfulness and not worrying too much. I致e been sleeping better and I told you that was the problem. I知 not sure how to bring up the SI on Wednesday night and the bad physical affects I had from it. They were pretty bad Wednesday night and all day Thursday. I知 not sure you necessarily have the power to hospitalize me 5 days later. But last time this happened I think you said you would if it happened again. So I知 not sure. I hinted at it in the couple emails I sent. You値l probably have questions. You want me to be honest. I know.
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Me: *****, I知 a performer.

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Old Yesterday, 08:08 PM   #275
atisketatasket
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

Dear Info,

Outwardly just fine. Struggling badly inside.

ATAT
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Old Today, 02:06 AM   #276
LostOnTheTrail
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

I've existed in a kind of haze since Thursday afternoon.
Whatever it is that I am becoming right now is almost too much.
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Has your faith been compromised?

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Old Today, 04:29 AM   #277
Rive.
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

Now, do I or don't I? I keep changing my mind..

Does it even matter? Would you even care?
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Old Today, 04:39 AM   #278
Lemoncake
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Default Re: Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLIV

I don't want you to go away on holiday.

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Feel the thrill of the flow
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